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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want adults to queue jump my children?

47 replies

daysoftheweek · 30/05/2010 00:59

so AIBU?
was in the library closing time in 5 minutes we'd nipped in to return books, ran to childrens section to borrow a couple and been asked to go the moment we walked in. (my intention had been to go straight out once we'd looked for a partic. book)

so we end up grabbing 5 books (I was with 3 children) and went to counter. we'd handed over card and books when a man about 45 walks up to counter and says to librarian am I too late for this? (I'm thinking you know damn well you're not or else what am I doing here now get back in the queue) as he does so he hands book to librarian who takes it and says to me 'do you mind if I do this one first?'
to which i reply why?

she then says because there's only 1

then after a pause carries on stamping my childrens books.

so I say how are small children expected to learn to queue if any adult just walks up and pushes infront of them whenever they feel like it.

so the arse of a man then looks at me and says stressful? making eyes at my children and the idiot librarians just roll their eyes at each other.

(my dcs were actually for once standing quietly next to the desk!!)

arse man then tries to make small talk with me.

i just take my books and walk out muttering about extraordinary behaviour

so was I unreasonable?

should stress man had all 4 limbs and no obvious fleshwounds etc etc. didn't smile and say excuse me I'm about to get a parking ticket or any other similar excuse

I'm irrationally annoyed that they felt that my small chldren should be expected to wait for him to get his book

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 30/05/2010 01:08

So you rush into the library to return books and then choose some more despite being asked to leave because they are closing, possibly making the library close late and you wonder why someone is impatient as you are?

I'd have let him have the book first as you were going to take a while, it's only polite....the same as letting someone in a supermarket queue ahead of you who has fewer items.

MillyR · 30/05/2010 01:11

I don't think you being there with or without children comes into it. I think he was just rude. I think as you had entered into the scenario, you should have continued with it and responded to his stress comment.

Because now you have walked away still irritated as you have been patronised and not fully responded.

He should have asked you if he could push in, not the librarian.

Ronaldinhio · 30/05/2010 01:13

your small children will have noticed much less than you did
learning that allowing someone to go in front of them is no bad lesson

perhaps you sounded a little stressed...you do now

Sazisi · 30/05/2010 01:14

Adults are constantly queue jumping DD1, and it really fecks me off (it often seems like she's treated as non-existent or something. She's a lovely polite 10 year-old), so I'm going to say yanbu.

toccatanfudge · 30/05/2010 01:15

ooooo - now I'd usually agree with scurry

However I had not one, but TWO older people (one male, one female - not together - the had their own shopping and went their separate ways) push in front of me and my DS's today in Morrisons........

I did VERY loudly lecture my children on how I never wanted to see them do anything like that EVER, and if when I'm older I try and to that like I have an entitlement to do it they must stop me immediately because it's RUDE.

even m ore as when I started my rant to my children there was no-one behind me in the queue, when I turned around ago and stopped for breath there was a lovely older woman standing behind me looking at me with eyes wide open (but she did then thankfully agree that I was totally corect and that manners cost nothing and we had a lovely chat in the queue as we waited)

Original poster
daysoftheweek · 30/05/2010 01:16

no we had 15 minutes and were going to returna nd look for a partic book.

we can empty library shelves in minutes

don't imagine we made the place close late (can't imagine they would ever do that it is one of those places which the staff think exists more to serve them and has somewhat lost sight of their raison d'etre) we wwere out of there by 7 minutes to!

should have rephrased the asked to leave it was more when we arrived there was a general announcement along the lines of we're closing in 15 minutes

despite the fact i'd beaten her to it and walked in telling them they had 5 minutes

i wasn't impatient

really do you always let people wiht less go first? is that the same if they have 1 item or only 1 less than you?

he didn't ask to go first or as i said say excuse me my car or dog or parking meter or whatever he clearly walked up wiht the intention of pushing ahead the librarian had allready scanned my card she could have stamped all my books in the time it took her to faff about.

don't you think it sets a poor example about queueing?

Fwiw i often let people with 1 0r 2 things go before me but it is rarely reciprocated here

OP posts:
Original poster
daysoftheweek · 30/05/2010 01:18

lol toccata
sorry about awful typing we have a crappy keyboard it needs to go back.

OP posts:
MillyR · 30/05/2010 01:19

I often let people go first if they have got less stuff and I am not in danger of missing the bus. I find other people do the same.

But there is a difference between asking someone to go in front of you or them asking you if you mind, and them ignoring you and asking the person at the counter.

toccatanfudge · 30/05/2010 01:22

agree with Mily's last post, I have been let in first (without asking) and let other people in when they've asked.

But just pushing in with no word is RUDE.

The irony is that the man in front only had a few things and if he'd said "do you mind if I go in front" I'd have quite happily said yes.........

scurryfunge · 30/05/2010 01:22

So did the librarian let him go ahead then?

Original poster
daysoftheweek · 30/05/2010 01:25

I just didn't see any need to respond to the stressful comment.

he was clearly trying to excuse what he knew to be unacceptable behaviour by talking to me and i wasn't interested, he had chosen to treat me as someone worthless when it suited him

my kids for once were behaving beautifully I was keen to exit library while that was still happening and was actually pretty unstressed.

have had major health problems, housing issues, moving, financial, employment seriously my life has been so difficult you wouldn't believe so much could happen to one person borrowing a few kids books from the library really doesn't feature on my stress scale and

OP posts:
Original poster
daysoftheweek · 30/05/2010 01:28

sorry ignore the and

no librarian and her colleague just rolled their eyes at each other slapped the books on the counter and didn't say anything to me she had allready scanned my card and opened up my kids books

OP posts:
Original poster
daysoftheweek · 30/05/2010 01:30

sorry I keep pushing the wrong buttons she wanted presumably to undo the transaction wiht me to do his then re-start mine.

again i frequently let people with only a few things go first and would certainly do so if they asked it was as milly said the whole completely ignoring me etc etc.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 30/05/2010 01:31

Perhaps he was stressing for unknown reasons and so were you....he came across as rude and it probably wasn't managed particularly well by the librarian......not a big deal as you say in the grand scheme of things.

MillyR · 30/05/2010 01:32

I also think that life is full of minor outrages, and you have to let a lot of them slide.

Once someone made a load of nasty comments about me, and because I was rushing to finish a piece of work I didn't respond. The person looked far worse to all of the people watching than they would have done if I had been drawn into an argument.

So now I try not to be drawn into things, as it is far more effective sometimes.

MillyR · 30/05/2010 01:33

And then I come on MN and vent all my bitterness over some trivial dispute.

Original poster
daysoftheweek · 30/05/2010 01:35

lol i'm getting my mumsnet therapy!!

OP posts:
SacharissaCripslock · 30/05/2010 02:06

Oh I hate this. So annoying when adults push in. My 5 year old loves to queue for things himself and so many times people have jumped ahead of him. I then de-cloak and point out that my son was first. They often say, "Oh I didn't see him there," but ffs, how can you not notice a 5 year old child standing in front of you? Do these people fall over chairs a lot with their appauling eyesight?

Now see what you've done. Got me ranting too. Yes it is trivial but all these little incidents add up to a lot of inconsiderate people!

confuddledDOTcom · 30/05/2010 02:32

My eldest is funny, always pointing out when other people are rude or do something "naughty" like crossing the road on a red man (I'm not going to explain to a small child that it's not always naughty because I don't want my child making that call, it's always naughty if my child does it).

It's one of my pet hates how adults treat children, the attitude that adults are more important than children or they're boss.

Two incidents I've been meaning to post that are adults being mean:

My eldest went to press the traffic lights (like all kids do, even if the WAIT sign is on) and the adult held her hand over the button to stop her ???

Was in the Tesco cafe and eldest asks for chocolate, I said no after lunch (standard procedure that afterwards I give her a £1 coin and she goes up to get some chocolate or a drink). She's a little tired and gets upset (most kids this would be called a grizzle, it's a full on tantrum for mine lol) I calmly repeated she could have the chocolate when we'd finished, then went to sit down. As I left the till the man behind me goes "Shht" (as in sharp shh, not soothing shh) I turned round and said "Excuse me but she's got a parent here" and he said "but she's having a tantrum because she can't get her own way" ??? Bit of an exchange, several people back me up and in the end he tries to chat nicely and has done since.

I seriously don't understand why adults think children are anything other than small people.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 30/05/2010 02:39

Hmm, if I saw a 5 year old in the queue in front of me, I'd probably assume that he was With Someone, not that he was an independent purchaser. Though that would depend on venue; supermarket, he's With Someone, local cornerstore just before school starts, he's On His Own (and therefore has his own place in the queue.)

kickassangel · 30/05/2010 02:55

i've had situations when walking along with dh, and dd in between us, people try to nip between us, as if dd isn't there! some adults just simply don't register kids - which is amazing, as the majority of people are parents at some point - you'd think they'd realise that not everyone is over 5 ft.

it makes me wonder how they manage to avoid people in wheelchairs.

confuddledDOTcom · 30/05/2010 03:08

You want to try shopping in a mobility scooter! You see people walking at you and not making any attempt to move out of your way and you have no room to move out of their way (besides which it's not easy to do) and who's fault is it they trip over? Yours.

I had someone walking at snails pace in front of me one day. I kept catching his ankles because he'd stop or slow down suddenly but I had no room to get around him and I was going on the slowest setting. My fault again.

I had someone try to push me over once because I pushed him from stepping on my toddler. I said "what's your problem" "you pushed me" "I've got two children here and I'm on crutches" (was going to finish with you walked into us) he said "Where?" How obvious does it have to be if someone can miss a 5'9" woman on crutches carrying a baby on their front and holding onto a toddler in the other hand?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 30/05/2010 09:45

Ive worked at ELC for almost 10 years and ive lost count the amount of times ive had to tell an adult that the child that was waiting patiently in the queue that they pushed in front of was next, alot of the time the adult would of actually been standing behind the child but would then try to pass products over the top of their heads!

Yanbu to have said something if you did infact mind.
Yabu to have picked out several books even though you had been told they were closing, imagine being on your feet all day at work, that glorious home time has finally approached, you have a weary grin on face at the thought of locking up and going home and getting some dinner and maybe a nice glass of wine and BAM! someone comes in and makes you delay by 10 minutes. It's not nice.

letsblowthistacostand · 30/05/2010 11:17

You must say something. Always say something, don't let people just push in! I don't understand this passive aggressive muttering, it really winds me up.

I find the following lines useful: Excuse me, we've been waiting. The end of the queue is here. It's our turn next. etc etc.

I don't think it being near closing time has anything to do with it. The librarian should have made the other guy wait and you should have said something since she didn't.

edam · 30/05/2010 11:31

I can't stand adults who think it's OK to be rude to children. Pushing in is RUDE whatever the age of the other people in the queue.