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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think if SIL can't be bothered to see us, why should they get a present.

30 replies

kolacubes · 29/05/2010 14:11

Today is SIL's birthday. She phoned up on Wednesday and spoke to DH, and said for my birthday I would like x.

I said when are we seeing her, dh said he didn't know. They live an hour away from us, near their parents. I said is she going to the parents on Saturday, subsequent phone call turns out she is, she wouldn't commit to a time, and said just leave my present there. We said we could go to their house, no she may be over at friends or out, she doesn't know, she doesn't need to see us (her words) just leave the present at parents.

AIBU to think it shouldn't just be about the present and is more about wishing someone a happy birthday, or do I just get present, leave it at parents and stop thinking so personally about it?

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 29/05/2010 14:16

I think she's bloody rude. Phoning you up and telling you what to get her for her birthday!

I wouldn't bother getting her anything, tbh. I think she is beyond ignorant! And if anyone else stuck their beak in I'd relay the conversation and say that if that was her attitude she can bog off because I won't be used.

But if I felt I couldn't handle the attitudes I'd get for doing that (I could! ), I'd buy it and leave it at my house. And say yes it's here, feel free to pop round for a cuppa and you can pick it up then.

Plopsie · 29/05/2010 14:16

I think the minute she presumptiously phoned to announce what she wanted you and DH to buy for her I would have mentally decided that a card, posted not delivered would suffice. Cheeky mare! YAdefNBU.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 29/05/2010 14:17

I can't get over "I don't need to see you, just leave my present for me" I really can't. Nobody with half a brain could possibly think that's ok.

Original poster
kolacubes · 29/05/2010 14:19

Hecate I said about leaving it here for her to collect, dh said why was I being so unreasonable!!! I didn't think i was

Plopsie would of posted card, but didn't want to spend any more money on the stamp (all 36p of it!!!)

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 29/05/2010 14:23

You aren't. It is not normal behaviour.

It says a lot about her that your husband thinks it is acceptable.

Do you have a sister? Tell him she's said the same thing. See if that's reasonable to him!

Honestly, show him this thread if you have to!

It is NOT normal, it is NOT acceptable, it is taking the bloody piss!

She doesn't want to see you but she'll have a gift. Ruddy user.

Just think about it. She doesn't need - aka WANT - to see you. So she doesn't care about your company. You as people are not important as long as she gets the gift. In fact, if you could just send her stuff and not try to bother her in any way, that'd be great thanks.

And your husband wants you to both bend over and take it up the arse More fool him.

Hai1988 · 29/05/2010 14:30

how old is ur SIL she sounds about 12!
Dont bother getting her anything i wouldnt!

WingedVictory · 29/05/2010 14:41

What did she want, anyway?

Plopsie · 29/05/2010 14:45

Send the card with a 1p stamp on it so she has to go to the post office and retrieve it (paying the £1 admin fee in addition to the missing postage) and then say "whoops, sorry; thought it said '1st'...

KathyImLost · 29/05/2010 15:08

Yeh, what was it that she wanted? I would get her it but a slightly wrong / cheapo version of it, if that's possible.

Pikelit · 29/05/2010 15:15

She's your DH's sister. Perhaps it is normal in their family to make these demands about birthday presents. It strikes me as downright rude but I doubt I'd bother to fall out over it. Let your dh buy the present and get it over to his parents. Faffing about with unstamped cards and not quite right versions of what she wants brings you down to her childish level.

GeekOfTheWeek · 29/05/2010 16:36

Very rude imo.

GloriousGoosebumps · 29/05/2010 16:49

So does she buy you birthday presents, and, if so, how does she deliver the pressie to you? I'd be slighly less critical if it's the norm within this family to use MIL to distribute pressies.

Original poster
kolacubes · 29/05/2010 17:18

It was Molton Brown products. I didn't mention it in OP, because what she wanted wasn't important, as I'd get whatever, but it was the way it was asked, and more importantly how she wanted it delivered or not!!!!

For our presents (dh/me/children), we invite them over (her and dh), they can never make it, we then get invited to theirs which we go to.

Update, mil was like what's she up to re when we asked to leave it. She said she'd give it to SIL and check all ok. And I didn't even mention at all or gave impression that I thought it was odd behaviour.

OP posts:
sapell3 · 29/05/2010 17:23

Did you or DH ask her what she would like for her birthday?

MadamDeathstare · 29/05/2010 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KorkiiEffenkrakers · 29/05/2010 17:30

YANBU - she is a cheeky cow. Give her damn all, I say.

Original poster
kolacubes · 29/05/2010 17:36

No I asked him on Wednesday, if he'd got SIL present he said no he was going to buy something on Friday.

She then coincedentally phoned, and said along the lines of i'm phoning you to remind you it's my birthday at the weekend, he said I know. She said oh so I presume kola knows what I want for my birthday then, and he said no. So she said well I want the molton brown set, and gave details.

BTW, we don't get asked for our birthdays she just buys us presents. Not that I think she should ask but just explaining that its not normal for her to ask, so why she expected us to.

OP posts:
IWouldNotCouldNotWithAGoat · 29/05/2010 17:36

what a rude cow!!

RunawayWife · 29/05/2010 17:39

She phoned to tell you what to get her then told you she does not need to see you just pick up the gift MY 9 YEAR OLD HAS BETTER MANNERS THAN THAT.
dON'T GET HER A BLOODY GIFT, HOW VERY RUDE

RunawayWife · 29/05/2010 17:39

Ooops caps lock!

DetectivePotato · 29/05/2010 20:24

OMG, how fucking rude is she!!!! No way would I be buying anything for anyone who did this. Disgusting behaviour.

cat64 · 29/05/2010 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

HecateQueenOfWitches · 29/05/2010 21:21

so in your family you don't want to see each other, you just expect a gift left for you at a drop point? And you TELL that to each other when one of you WANTS to see the other, tries to find a way to see the other? "I don't need to see you, just leave my gift."

Because the family set up you are describing is very different from the one the OP describes.

Original poster
kolacubes · 29/05/2010 22:09

We are the ones that make the effort to see the family, like I said previously parents and sibling live near each other, and we are the ones away, so it makes sense that we travel (parents are unable to travel due to ill health) and whilst visiting parents we coincide trips to SIL.

Excuses are given by SIL not to visit, my dh always says they are valid I had my doubts.

But this is the first time its been so blatantly said i just want the present not your presence, which is why I am now feeling peeved.

OP posts:
WorkingItOutAsIGo · 30/05/2010 08:04

Its obvious what you do. Buy the present. Invite her over to collect it at your house. Don't deliver it to anyone else's house. Keep repeating "we so want to see you and we have your present here for you because we want to see you open it".

Then either she comes or in six months time you take off the birthday paper and replace it with christmas paper.

I think a little bit of passive aggressiveness goes a long way to making you feel better sometimes....