to think if SIL can't be bothered to see us, why should they get a present.

[kolacubes]

Today is SIL's birthday. She phoned up on Wednesday and spoke to DH, and said for my birthday I would like x.

I said when are we seeing her, dh said he didn't know. They live an hour away from us, near their parents. I said is she going to the parents on Saturday, subsequent phone call turns out she is, she wouldn't commit to a time, and said just leave my present there. We said we could go to their house, no she may be over at friends or out, she doesn't know, she doesn't need to see us (her words) just leave the present at parents.

AIBU to think it shouldn't just be about the present and is more about wishing someone a happy birthday, or do I just get present, leave it at parents and stop thinking so personally about it?

Oh for heavens sake. Family members do assume they're getting presents from each other. They don't have to fall over themselves with shock and gratitude when they do - it's part of being family. I'm assuming you always get a birthday present from her? Get over yourself. It's only a Molton Brown set, not a Faberge egg...

Err No just because they are family presents SHOULDN'T be expected. I don't expect presents from my brothers and neither do they expect one from me - we always send each other cards for birthdays and Xmas (we live at opposite ends of the country so don't see them often). I don't even expect them to get presents for DS (though DTB1's gf always remembers ds, and my mum remembers for my other DTB )

Besides I don't think Kolacubes is so offended about the fact her SIL rang to tell her what to get her - it's the fact she is not making the effort to see kolacubes and her DH to collect the present, so she can thank them in person - she only cares about getting her Molton Brown set and not about the fact someone was thoughtful enough to get her something she actually wants.

I think your SIL needs to grow up, Kolacubes, she is acting like a spoilt brat.

Like your style working it out

Thanks bouncing turtle - the present was an aside point, it was the don't need to see you, just leave the present comment.

I am wise beyond my years

Just leave a card.