To think the title Ms has connotations

[msripley]

• when it should really be the equivalent of Mr?

I've filled in an application form for something which needs to be approved by a government department.

I put my title, as I always do, as Ms. I've always regarded it as the female equivalent of Mr.

I'm married but decided to keep my maiden name. Supporting ID documents I sent with the application included my marriage certificate (showing that my name at marriage is the same as it is on the application form).

But a query came back asking me to confirm my surname was the same as it always had been "because you have ticked 'Ms' box for your title."

WTF is that all about? Is Ms regarded as unmarried? Mrs Ripley would've been my mother, not me. I ticked the box on the form to say I was married (which was a requirement of the application process), but in general, if it's not relevant, I regard my marital status as my business alone.

I am Ms (surprisingly!) because it's not EVERYBODYS business whether i'm married or not. How could it always be important?

In Belgium you keep your maiden name by default, so I am in fact Mme Portfino, marie a M. Bxx.

I use Mrs and am happy to do so BUT I certainly think it would be better/more equal/less prejudiced for all females to use Ms. Marital status should not be relevant.

Have been a Ms since I was 18 - married since...still a Ms with my original name. Nice to know there are a few of us.
Have had a couple of probs with my surname (school refuses to acknowledge it) but none with Ms - not even through CRB checks.

Not as cool as the Jack White story, but we gave our DCs my surname. No one else I've ever met has done this - why, I wonder? Surely it can't be that weird?

Oh, and I'm a Ms, obv.

Not read thread, but grateful for the opportunity to vent!

The 'correct' title for a divorced woman is Mrs + chosen surname (Debrett's). But lots of people think Ms signifies divorced.

Ms is supposed to be the equivalent of Mr - that is, the prefix doesn't tell you anything about his marital status.

The fact that most people still haven't realised this leaves me speechless! (so ignorance has one benefit, perhaps)

I've been Ms sue52 for the past 30 odd years. Although I'm happily married, my name is huge part of my self image. DD1 has my surname DD2 has her fathers. It has never confused our kids and I really I don't care about anyone else's opinion.

Ms definitely has connotations!

I personally didn't realise so many people associated it with divorced women - I thought most people thought those who used Ms were unmarried and anxious to hide the fact. rolls eyes

It's a frustrating situation - those who wish to use it are effectively making a political statement and are seen to be making a big deal out of nothing; take themselves way too seriously, etc, etc. Whereas men get to blithely use Mr with nary a connotation associated.

At least in the UK. I work for a US company and they use Ms all the time. I also come from NZ where it is much more widely accepted and doesn't have all the negative connotations associated with it that it does here.

I cannot believe in this day and age that there are people in call centres who can't wrap their heads around the fact that a woman's name might remain the same after she marries.

I'm currently 'Miss X' and when I get married I will be 'Mrs Y', unless I get published, for which purposes I will use my "maiden" name.

But that's just because I can't be arsed to bugger about with explaining 'Ms' to all the ignorant people out there (and because I'm going into TAing, and young children call everyone Miss or Mrs anyway). My best frind got married a couple of years ago and was and is 'Ms XX'. I think their daughter has a double-barrel of her and her husband's names, but I can't remember for sure.

Reminds me of the fuss that names cause at school though. My mum remarried, but we still had my Dad's surname, and the confusion that arose because schools couldn't get their heads around the fact that we had a different name to her was just ridiculous. I dread to think what it would have been like if she'd been Ms instead of Mrs as well.

Just realised how depressing my post sounds. TBH, I've never really had any issues with changing my name and becoming Mrs, but that's a personal choice. It's sad that as I mature and think more about the implications of honorifics I start to get a sense of dread about the whole thing though. In a sense, it would just be better if they reworked the legalities so you were 'Miss' until 18, and then 'Ms' afterwards and enshrined that in law. We'd have a generation of people muttering and complaining about it, and then it would be over and no one would think anything of it.

I'm too idealistic for my own good, aren't I?

(It also pisses me off when I mention my partner and people automatically assume I'm married because I have a child. No, he is not my husband. As it happens, he will be at some point, but I would appreciate it if people didn't leap to conclusions. GURR!)

See, we had teachers called Ms X when I was at school (and I'm 36).

I guess things will change here over time.

I can't believe there are people earlier on this thread suggesting that using Ms and keeping your own name suggests you're not happily married, or haven't made the right choice. It's so deluded.

Ask most men if they'd be willing to change the surname they've had since they were born, and the vast, vast majority would not be willing to. And yet when women show any reticence to do the same, they're castigated and questioned.

Likewise, why women declare their marital status every time they give themselves a title when men don't (to no fanfare), is so antiquated, when you think about it. But what is even more antiquated is those who give Mss a hard time for it, or question their relationship!

Of course I'm Ms Slug. Always have been and always will be (much to my Mother's confusion).

My usual answer to the question "Are you Miss or Mrs" is "neither" which usually confuses them. Though I find that if you don't tick any title box on a form (which I do if there is no Ms) that you seem to aquire the title Mr.

I do remember, fresh off the boat from NZ, causing a fuss in a bank when I was asked that question. I launched into my usual "Why do you need to know my sexual availability?...Would you ask a man that question?" tirade, completely failing to realise that Ms is not the common form of address it is back in the "backwards" Antipodies.

I've also find using the "I am not Miss. I am a fully menstruating adult woman. Please address me as such" is particularly effective in dealing with the more patronising segment of the male population.

slug.