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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for BF not to walk me back, at 11.45pm?!

51 replies

Renlovesyou · 28/05/2010 12:59

I probably am being unreasonable but I feel quite hormonal at the moment!!!

Last night I went to see a show after work - didnt get back until 11.45pm. BF went for a chinese with work mates fairly close to the train station. Our house is a 15 min walk from the station (past a few bars, alleys, a graveyard, river and car parks)

I called him once on the train (20 minutes notice) and said I was on the way back, would be there soon, did he want to meet me as he'd be passing the station at the time I was there anyway (pub chuck out time allowing). He said yeah, fine, he'd leave intime to meet me.

Once I got to the station, I text 'here', and he replied to say his friend with the car was still getting petrol and to meet him at home.

Slightly peeved at being alone at night in not the best area, I started walking. He eventually beat me home.

But he then told me they'd actually driven through town, passed the place he was supposed to meet me, to drop off someone else first. In fact, he probably passed me on the way!

AIBU to expect that he could have said to his friend 'My pregnant GF is walking back on her own tonight, could you drop me at the station? Or drop me first?'

Or even to have left when I gave him 20 mins notice in order to be on time for me?

Thanks!

OP posts:

Thediaryofanobody · 28/05/2010 13:01

YANBU he sounds a bit of a prat that he would drive past and not bother.

Downdog · 28/05/2010 13:05

YANBU - give him the respect talk!

Original poster

Renlovesyou · 28/05/2010 13:08

Thankyou!

If he'd just said he couldnt meet me in the first place, I might not have been so annoyed!

Grrr!

OP posts:

arsesandoldlace · 28/05/2010 14:08

Um, does nobody realise you could have got raped and/or murdered?

You are being unreasonable only because you didn't look after your own safety, or that of your unborn.

You should have insisted he meet you, most attacks on women happen at night when they are alone. Please look at some statistics and look after yourself in future.

VinegarTits · 28/05/2010 14:11

Well men are re-known for not thinking

i would have just jumped a taxi and made him pay when you got home

VinegarTits · 28/05/2010 14:13

'does nobody realise you could have got raped and/or murdered? ' bit extreme that innit? so us women should stay home after dark

you use your common sense and stay away from dodgy areas, or get a taxi

GeekOfTheWeek · 28/05/2010 14:13

My ex did similar years ago. Key word being ex.

He is a prick.

rubyrubyruby · 28/05/2010 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Renlovesyou · 28/05/2010 14:28

Whilst it was late and dark, its still a main road. I was always going to walk whether he was there or not as I do every night.

I probably should have got a cab but I didnt. I am still alive though, after all. So not quite as treacherous as one might think arsesandoldlace

OP posts:

Ladyanonymous · 28/05/2010 14:33

It wasn't very gentlemanly but at the end of the day you are a grown woman and should be able to make your own arrangements, like making sure you ordered and had enough money for a taxi if you didn't feel comfortable walking through the area. We aren't living in the 1950's, and we have beaten blokes down to be independant but when its suits us we want them to be chivilrous....??

scurryfunge · 28/05/2010 14:33

Raped/ murdered on the way home? arsesanoldlace, where do you live? Basra?

I think a female can walk home on her own without feeling she shouldn't

Original poster

Renlovesyou · 28/05/2010 14:38

We are agreed then, it wasnt gentlemanly. Thanks ladies for your kind words of advice.

Next time, I shall get a cab or not go out after sunset.

OP posts:

rubyrubyruby · 28/05/2010 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Renlovesyou · 28/05/2010 15:13

Not too confusing.

Turn up =
Dont turn up =

I may stick this diagram to our fridge!

OP posts:

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 28/05/2010 15:21

Statistically, he'd be in more danger than you would walking alone at night. But given that you are pregnant, had taken the trouble to let him know where and when you were going to be, and it was on his way, he was not being very considerate to not meet you at the station.

arsesandoldlace · 28/05/2010 15:43

scurryfunge - Ipswich. Not a safe place for women at night. Yes I agree, women should be able to walk anywhere at any time of night or day. Sad reality is that it is not always the wisest choice.

arsesandoldlace · 28/05/2010 15:45

Yes get cab. Not walk around alone. Women also fine in groups. Don't think I'm setting feminism back in slightest.

scurryfunge · 28/05/2010 16:24

Used to live in Ipswich....some bits are better than others I agree....wouldn't say it was unsafe though....wandered home plenty of times on my own at night but I'm double 'ard, me

Original poster

Renlovesyou · 28/05/2010 16:29

Ive stumbled this route many times pre-pregnancy. I think Im just being a grouch about it because Im pregnant and he said he'd be there.

OP posts:

Casserole · 28/05/2010 16:35

I think regardless or whether you're pregnant, if you were walking home at that time of night and your boyfriend could have picked you up, he was unreasonable not to.

I like the fridge diagram, I might add to it and print one out too!

JaneS · 28/05/2010 16:39

'Raped/ murdered on the way home? arsesanoldlace, where do you live? Basra?

I think a female can walk home on her own without feeling she shouldn't'

Yes Scurry. Please tell me, why do women in Britain get raped/ murdered by strangers?

I decided to walk home alone in Cambridge (lots of street lights, very student-y and posh) one night. A man followed me and very insistently told me to come home with him, kept make innuendos and kept his hand on my arm. I rang my boyfriend and talked to him, pretending he was walking to pick me up.

I still feel I had a lucky escape. A man who raped several women in the same area was caught a few weeks later.

scurryfunge · 28/05/2010 16:42

They don't very often by strangers...more likely by people they know. I was making the point that a women should be able to walk alone without feeling it's her fault she got raped or murdered.

Ladyanonymous · 28/05/2010 16:44

Yes but LRD - She could've taken control of the situation without placing herself in any danger - and ordered a cab from the train....there is no need to be in any abject danger ever if you take sensible precautions - what do you think single ladies without a bf do?!

RunawayWife · 28/05/2010 16:54

I know someone that was raped on her way home at night 100 yards from her front door it does happen.

Saying that though I still walk home late and alone if I have to.

Your BF is rather selfish.

Pozzled · 28/05/2010 23:07

Your OP says you asked 'Did he want to meet me' at the station. Are those the words you used? Because that sounds to me like 'It would be nice to see you and walk back together, but don't worry too much'. Rather than 'I would really appreciate you walking with me as I feel quite vulnerable on my own'. It sound like he just didn't understand how important it was to you, maybe he should have done but sometimes men need things spelt out.

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