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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

for BF not to walk me back, at 11.45pm?!

51 replies

Renlovesyou · 28/05/2010 12:59

I probably am being unreasonable but I feel quite hormonal at the moment!!!

Last night I went to see a show after work - didnt get back until 11.45pm. BF went for a chinese with work mates fairly close to the train station. Our house is a 15 min walk from the station (past a few bars, alleys, a graveyard, river and car parks)

I called him once on the train (20 minutes notice) and said I was on the way back, would be there soon, did he want to meet me as he'd be passing the station at the time I was there anyway (pub chuck out time allowing). He said yeah, fine, he'd leave intime to meet me.

Once I got to the station, I text 'here', and he replied to say his friend with the car was still getting petrol and to meet him at home.

Slightly peeved at being alone at night in not the best area, I started walking. He eventually beat me home.

But he then told me they'd actually driven through town, passed the place he was supposed to meet me, to drop off someone else first. In fact, he probably passed me on the way!

AIBU to expect that he could have said to his friend 'My pregnant GF is walking back on her own tonight, could you drop me at the station? Or drop me first?'

Or even to have left when I gave him 20 mins notice in order to be on time for me?

Thanks!

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 29/05/2010 10:20

So

You went to a show by yourself.
Was going to walk home by yourself.

He is out with mates
In somebody elses car
Who may not want to stop/have a full car.

So you had to do what you had originally planned to do

And he is BU!!

OK then

scrab806ble · 29/05/2010 11:25

Oh, Boney, come on. Isn't it reasonable to expect a bf to WANT to be with pg GF as she walks home late at night, if he possibly could? She did not ask him to leave mates' night out, he was on way home too. Nice to be together? And so much more comforting when pg. Things DO change at that time, it does not take that much imagination to work out why.

Morloth · 29/05/2010 11:32

Men don't think the same way we do about this stuff I have realised.

DH runs on the other side of the river, it is quite secluded (well for London) and through the day is a lovely family stroll. However, I wouldn't run there after around 6pm because it is quite secluded, when he said he was going for a run at 7pm the other night I said "What, on other side of river?" it hadn't occurred to him not to.

I would have been annoyed at the inconvenience of not getting picked up if he was passing anyway, but I am a big girl and can make my own arrangements for my safety.

posieparker · 29/05/2010 11:33

Wow, what a catch!

CheekyPinkSox · 29/05/2010 11:40

'Raped/ murdered on the way home? arsesanoldlace, where do you live? Basra?

Can i just point out this story here - - sex attack in city This is very busy area. So it does happen in basra or not, this was a city sex attack.

And this story happened in broad daylight in the middle of a packed town (very upsetting) he attacked and killed a 7 month pregnant women because of 'voices in his head' www.vikingfm.co.uk/Article.asp?id=1812063&spid=25626

He is an idiot for not meeting you.

Morloth · 29/05/2010 11:47

How about this then? Does that mean that men shouldn't walk home by themselves either?

Or maybe the responsibility for attacking people should be on the attackers rather than the victims?

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 29/05/2010 11:51

YANBU because he said he would meet you but YABU if you didn't explain that you would feel safer if he came for you.

ImSoNotTelling · 29/05/2010 12:04

yanbu

He said he'd meet you

And then he didn't.

And ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHH at women know your place! Stay indoors or only go out with a chaperone! Otherwise you will bring bad things onto yourself and you will only have yourself to blame!

ImSoNotTelling · 29/05/2010 12:05

WOMEN!

You are most likely to be raped or murdered indoors by someone you know!

NEVER be alone with anyone you know indoors! Go outside and hang around with strangers! Statistically this is the safest option for you!!!

scurryfunge · 29/05/2010 12:08

I agree it's about time women took responsibility for rape and acknowledge it's their own fault for putting themselves in ridiculous situations, like going out in the evening or socialising.

posieparker · 29/05/2010 12:18

I feel vulnerable at night and would never ever walk home alone, I would hope a decent BF would want to ensure the woman carrying his baby was safe and felt safe even if her perceived fear was irrational.

arsesandoldlace · 29/05/2010 12:33

I think people should stop being ridiculous.

Yes people do get raped and murdered at night.

Nobody is saying it's the fault of the victim.

Why not just cross the road without looking? After all, we should have the right to not be run over. Otherwise it's just sexist and reactionary.

These reductio ad absurdum statements look pretty silly, don't they?

bedlambeast · 29/05/2010 12:44

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posieparker · 29/05/2010 12:51

am by the last sentence.

bedlambeast · 29/05/2010 12:53

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colditz · 29/05/2010 12:59

i will take myself immediately to the baked bean aisle in Sainsbury's as nobody has EVER been raped in a baked bean aisle in Sainsbury's regardless of the time of day.

MrKiplingismypimp · 29/05/2010 13:03

colditz Id like to see the statistics that prove this

colditz · 29/05/2010 13:13

Actually, Some research was done a few years ago, the general outline is here

bedlambeast · 29/05/2010 13:27

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posieparker · 29/05/2010 14:03

blb....Was that directed at me?

My friend was walking home in a very small town, population less than 16,000. She was followed and then chased by a man, she hid in the bushes outside of her house for two hours watching him looking for her. When she reported it he was known to police and had tried to rape a woman 2 weeks before.

bedlambeast · 29/05/2010 14:26

This reply has been deleted

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ImSoNotTelling · 29/05/2010 14:26

?

Do you know anyone else who has had a bad experience in any otehr circumstances?

Going on my life experience I should not

use the bus in the daytime
use the tube in the daytime
walk home from school
work with men
have boyfriends or ever be alone with them

etc etc etc

you cannot extrapolate from one bad thing that that single activity must therefore be avoided, if you do not extend that to all activities where a bad thing has happened

hwever i understand that people have trepidation about walking around after dark by themselves, and will not judge them for it. I will however judge them if they try to force others to share their irrational fears, with dire warnings etc etc

posieparker · 29/05/2010 19:10

I grew up in a small town, the same one that my friend was chased by a rapist, with a very low crime rate. My parents owned the local sweet and video shop and so I felt safe there. I now live in a city.

arsesandoldlace · 29/05/2010 19:20

"You may be my favourite poster. A charmless mix of sexism, patronising bossiness and a bit of latinate philosophy."

Presume that was aimed at me? How flattering to be singled out.

thesunshinesbrightly · 29/05/2010 21:08

My OH wouldnt let me walk home at 8pm let alone that time. Think you need a serious talk with this idiot.