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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in not wanting this arrangement? Because I really don't.

74 replies

moominmarvellous · 27/05/2010 17:41

DD has started at a gymnastics and we live on the same road as the club. On her second week, I got chatting to another Mum who's son attends the same class.

In conversation it led to the fact that I live next door, so how ideal it is for me and since then, every week she comes to my house for 20 mins before the class with her children and gets her DS ready here, when theres a perfectly good changing room at the club.

I don't mean to be a grouch, but I don't see why she has to and I feel as though I need to have the place tidy for them to visit and offer drinks etc at a time when really I just want to get DD ready and go. Or likewise, if we don't want to go for some reason, what will happen then - will she still expect to come in just because my cars on the drive??

I don't want to be rude, but I can't think of a polite way to say that I'd rather they just went to the club to get ready as they did before we joined. Had a bit of a crisis last week with DD in tears when they arrived - all a bit hectic - but she still came in although it was obviously a bad time. I think she'll be back on Saturday, but I'd like to set the record straight without showing I'm a mean old bitch being rude. Any suggestions?

OP posts:

jazzandh · 27/05/2010 18:59

I'd use my husband as the excuse - as in he finds it a bit disruptive whilst he's trying to get stuff done etc, or he's doing work....

Cretaceous · 27/05/2010 19:00

I always favour the truth with a smile. After all, what's wrong with the truth. I hate lies, as they always seem to get confusing, and lead to more trouble.

"I hope you don't think I'm awfully rude - I know I am being rude - but I find it really stressful having you call round. It's not your fault, but I really just would rather we met at ballet. Thank you so much for being so understanding. Not everyone would be."

(But I did like the missing money suggestion )

googietheegg · 27/05/2010 19:01

Can you say when she turns up 'oh I must have forgot to say that there's a boys changing room at the club - I'll meet you there as DD is getting ready here.'

or how about 'just leave your car there and we'll see you at the club - DD and I are just having a chat'

or when she comes to the door be a bit harrassed and say 'you don't have to keep asking to leave your car there, it's fine. See you at the club!' and then shut the door and go about your business. repeat as necessary.

She doesn't give two fucks about you so I don't know why you're being so nice.

DetectivePotato · 27/05/2010 19:08

Park your car across your drive, then she can't park there and she may not come in. Sounds like a right user if she doesn't even bother to say goodbye at the end but uses you for your driveway and a place to get ready.

PlumBumMum · 27/05/2010 20:27

So while your at the class her car is parked across your driveway, what if your dh needs out etc...

Get your dd to shout through the letter box that she can't open the door mummy & daddy are in the shower,
she won't come back!!

Lonnie · 27/05/2010 22:00

actually the car thing is a good one next week keep an eye out then come out as she parks knock on the window and say

Do you mind not blocking the car in my dh may need it later so could you park somewhere else please? then BIG smile before you say

Ok thank you see you at the club

thumbwitch · 28/05/2010 01:40

Ooh, like Lonnie's suggestion - that is a good one because she will then have to move her car, possibly a long way away.

I wouldn't say "may" though - I'd make it definite or she might go the route of "well I'm only next door, if he needs to go out, he can pop round and ask me to move it then" - she sounds the sort who would say that.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 28/05/2010 01:46

If you live on the same road and walk to the club, then surely your car being in the driveway doesn't tell her anything?

wukter · 28/05/2010 01:49

(Sorry, but- love your name googietheegg!)

backtotalkaboutthis · 28/05/2010 03:09

I like DetectivePotatoe's idea. Cut her off at the pass.

Also please pay attention to googie's "she doesn't give two fucks about you so I don't know why you're being so nice."

She's so caught up in herself,you need to be direct, she doesn't want to get any hints so she won't.

Threepwood · 28/05/2010 04:23

Just tell her the truth.

cyteen · 28/05/2010 07:00

Next time she knocks, open the door and pretend you don't know who she is. Apologetic smile that suggests she's slightly mad, gently shoving the door shut in her face as you say 'no no sorry, I'm sure I'd remember, you must have the wrong house'.

Then take DD to the club and act like nothing's happened.

thumbwitch · 28/05/2010 07:18

Actually, after her rudery last time I think you'd be justified in saying "I'm really sorry, I don't even know your name, our children don't speak to each other and I think it's somewhat inappropriate that you turn up to our house every week expecting to use it as your son's changing room"

But that's only if you never want to speak to her again.

cyteen · 28/05/2010 07:35

I would actually say that too. She doesn't deserve good manners.

MrsWobbleTheWaitress · 28/05/2010 07:46

All my suggestions have already been made! But please make sure you update us!

StealthPolarBear · 28/05/2010 07:58

let us know what happens - when's gymnastic night?

SoupDragon · 28/05/2010 07:59

"Get your dd to shout through the letter box that she can't open the door mummy & daddy are in the shower, "

Or "mummy and daddy are in their room giggling"

RunawayWife · 28/05/2010 08:01

All the good and sensible ideas are already here..... so

Open door, say f* off you using cow and shut door

SoupDragon · 28/05/2010 08:05

And then have an argument with your identical twin sister behind closed doors, open the door to the woman , apologise and let her in. She'll think you're barking and will run for the hills.

porcamiseria · 28/05/2010 09:06

just pretent you are out/shopping.library and say you'll see her there

tametiger · 28/05/2010 09:58

Don't tell fibs.
Don't make excuses.
Don't explain.
Don't apologise.
She's not a friend so no worries about falling out.
Just say, at the end of next class, 'it's easier if we meet you there in future, if you don't mind.'
Simples IMO.

DetectivePotato · 28/05/2010 09:58

Yeah do Runaways idea.

analytic · 28/05/2010 10:03

simple: for the next two or three weeks leave for the club 20 minutes early so that you are not there when she comes round.

OK it's irritating as it wastes 20mins of your time... but it will break the habit.

SolidGoldBrass · 28/05/2010 10:04

Open the door and SCREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAM. Then shut it again. After she has run away, go to the club as though nothing has happened.

Original poster

moominmarvellous · 28/05/2010 10:16

I would rather go with the truth that it's not convenient, but what puts me off is that we then sit in the viewing area together for the class - I'm worried it'll be awkward if she takes offence.
Although I suspect that if the shoe were on the other foot, she'd just come out with it!

Next class is tomorrow afternoon......I'll let you know what happens!

OP posts:

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