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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ignore my nearly one yr old when she wakes in the middle of the night for no reason?

76 replies

superv1xen · 27/05/2010 13:40

omg i am sooooooo tired

the last week or so i have been woken up - usually between about 3 and 5am, by my dd (who is 1 on saturday) babbling and chattering which then develops into angry crying.

i always go and check on her and she is fine, nothing wrong with her. it usually goes on for about half an hour to an hour but when she finally gives up the little bit of sleep i then get is disturbed and not very good quality so i am just absolutely shattered at the moment.

what is making her wake up?? she has slept thru the night since she was 6 weeks old. why is she starting now???

it cant be hunger as she is a good eater (3 meals a day plus 3 bottles of formula and at least 2 bottles of water/dilute juice). and anyway surely a 1 YO wouldnt wake for hunger in any case?

i feel bad for ignoring her but i dont want it to become a habit, and i dont want to give her a bottle becaause then she might do it more as she thinks she will get something.

aaarggghhh need sleep.

OP posts:

Ronaldinhio · 27/05/2010 13:43

yes yabu imo tis par for the course
think of all the extra sleep you got from 6 weeks to 1 yr and count yourself lucky

biddysmama · 27/05/2010 13:43

oh dear, oh deary deary me.....
probably not the best place to ask this..

my opinion... yabu to ignore your child... i have a 14 month old that still wakes up and i always go to her...well, lean to her since se sleeps in her cot next to my bed..

Original poster

superv1xen · 27/05/2010 13:51

i just dont understand why she is waking up? just doesnt make sense.

and as i said, i don't want to give her a bottle or anything or even any attention as such as that gives her an incentive to wake up IYSWIM. and dont want to create a rod for my own back.

also dp has to leave for work at half 6, he does 12 hour days and he is even more shattered than i am!

i guess i was v lucky in that she slept so well from so early but i just find it strange that she is waking again now.

OP posts:

mnistooaddictive · 27/05/2010 13:52

YANBU Is she sleeping too much in the day? I would try leaving her longer and longer to shre if she goes back to sleep. I am not a believer that crying causes long term damage and if I don't get my sleep I am not a good mother. I found at that age mine both woke uo chatty away for 30 inutes and then went back to sleep for at least an hour.

faerie07 · 27/05/2010 13:56

YABU not going to her to check on her. YANBU to ignore her after that though.

Could she be teething? Learning something new? Disturbed sleep is supposed to come about when they learn something new and their brain is all active trying to process it.... apparently. My DS1 didn't sleep through until he was 18 months old so I wouldn't personally know!!!!! (And DS2 seems to be following in the same footsteps!!!)

roulade · 27/05/2010 13:56

My ds (4) still gets me up occasionally, like last time at midnight, 5 minutes later he is back to sleep no problems. It's a fact of life i think!

faerie07 · 27/05/2010 14:00

So does my DS1 (3). He has a habit of kicking his blanket off or wrapping himself up in it like a cocoon and if he gets too cold or hot he half wakes up crying. My DS2 just lies there sobbing until he's covered up again and is warm..... sigh.....

tablefor3 · 27/05/2010 14:06

Lots of 1YOs suddenly start waking up for no reason. General consensus is that it is a) teething b) developmental, especially about walking c) both d) something else entirely.

Yes, it is miserable. We have just come out of the other end of 4 months of this with DD. Doubly miserable when you have been spoilt re sleep so far.

Up to you how to deal with it, but utterly common.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 27/05/2010 14:32

My DD is 2.5 and wakes up randomly in the night. Not every night but certainly every other night. Most of the time she just wants reassurance that we are but a yell away. We pop in, ask if she's okay and most of the time, she says yes. We then tell her to go back to sleep and that's that.

Original poster

superv1xen · 27/05/2010 14:42

i DO go in her room and check on her though, always. i would never just ignore her.

OP posts:

cory · 27/05/2010 16:12

She is old enough to be having nightmares, I'd have thought. Wouldn't exactly call that waking for no reason.

biddysmama · 27/05/2010 16:13

and old enough to be scared of being on her own in the dark..

thisisyesterday · 27/05/2010 16:14

i don 't know why she is doing it, but yes, of course you are being unreasonable for ignoring her

she is still a baby! crying is her only way of telling you something is wrong. so ignoring her won't help.
maybe she IS hungry., have you tried giving her milk, or water in case she is thirsty?

Lulumaam · 27/05/2010 16:14

i wake up in teh night too. and i'm 34! have a bad dream, remember something, thirsty, need a wee, don't feel well...

if i was not even one and i was waking up and being upset and no-one came, i'd be feeling pretty upset

not attending to her will keep her awake, you awake and everyone will be tired and miserable.. go in, cuddle, kiss and hair stroke and i imagine it will pass very quickly

perhaps the sunrise is waking her, it is very light, very early... maybe the birdsong?

take hr into your bed mayeb?

waitingforbedtime · 27/05/2010 16:15

Of course yabu. She is a baby, you have been unbelievably lucky so far.

M32song · 27/05/2010 16:20

YABU - I couldn't happily go back to sleep knowing that my nearly one year old was distressed in his room.

Just let her know you're there, bit of patting and back to sleep for both of you. Not much to ask, is it?

biddysmama · 27/05/2010 16:20

my dd was the other way round... terrible sleeper until she turned one, now she wakes once or twice a night instead of every hour...

heth1980 · 27/05/2010 16:24

YANBU as long as you are SURE there's nothing wrong........have you exhausted all avenues? Is she hungry/thirsty/too hot/too cold/teething/dirty nappy etc etc? I would suggest either cutting daytime naps or putting her to bed later to see if that helps. My DD1 dropped one of her daytime naps at around that age............

schroeder · 27/05/2010 16:27

Crikey runaway whilst you still can supervixen.
I'd hide this thread if I were you.

If your baby is just babbling and chatting there's no need to go in and check-she is fine, if you go in you'll only disturb her.

thisisyesterday · 27/05/2010 16:31

she isn ';t just babbling and chatting....

"babbling and chattering which then develops into angry crying."

for 30-60 m inutes

in what world is is ok to leave a small child in distress in the middle of the night for an hour??

fgs

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 27/05/2010 16:32

My DD (who is 1 next Thursday) does this if I'm not strict with the amount of day sleep she has. She has 30 mins in the morning and 1 hr 30 at lunchtime... any longer and I pay for it early in the morning. She doesn't seem to need as much sleep as DS did at her age. He'd sleep for 45 mins - 1 hr in the morning and 2 hrs at lunch....

Try cutting back her day naps slightly and then hopefully it'll have a knock on effect within a few days.

I check on DD, then I leave her for 5 min intervals, go in and rub her tummy, back shhing as I do. Eventually over a few nights she stops waking. I never leave her longer than 5 mins. I know CC is very unpopular with some mums on here. I don't follow it to the letter, but it works for us.

FWIW - you're in for a bit of a flaming putting it here. You'd be better of starting a thread in the 'sleep' section.....

dorisbonkers · 27/05/2010 16:39

hahhahahahahaha

My 19 month old wakes every 3-4 hours and I have to breastfeed her to sleep.

I'd gouge my own eyes out for a once a night waker!

And I work part-time, sometimes starting at 6am.

But nothing, NOTHING, even no sleep at all for 48 hours, which has happened a few times (I'm insomniac too) would induce me to leave her to cry.

I mean, isn't the sound of angry crying twenty times worse than the alternative?

UndomesticHousewife · 27/05/2010 16:42

The babbling/chattering which then develops into angry cying sounds like she's just awake then wants lifted. I wouldn't start giving her anything to eat but I would go into her reassure her then leave. Do that every few minutes and hopefully she'll drop off again. After a short time she won't wake up anymore (hopfully). Like others have said cut back on her naps very slightly (don't leave her overtired as it may have the opposite effect) and make sure she eats her fill by giving her a bit too much and let her leave what she doesn't want.

She's only little and she doesn't know (let alone care!) that she's driving mummy up the wall with sleep deprivation, but it won't last.

Rollmops · 27/05/2010 16:47

YBVVVVU! One presumes she's not talking in coherent sentences so how would you know?
Try having twins who had to be fed every 2 hours for almost 6 months and then talk me about tired.

Bramshott · 27/05/2010 16:52

Depends what you mean by "ignore". If you mean as in not lifting her out, or feeding her, then YANBU. I would go in, maybe offer a drink of water, then say firmly "it's time to sleep", and then go back every 10 minutes to say the same thing. Trouble with actually ignoring her - no-one is getting any sleep in any case, and she may not know you have heard her - much better to keep repeating "it's time to sleep now" so that hopefully she gets the general idea! She's probably just excited by all the new things she's learning, and thinks 2am is a perfect time to try them out!

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