Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to ignore my nearly one yr old when she wakes in the middle of the night for no reason?

76 replies

superv1xen · 27/05/2010 13:40

omg i am sooooooo tired

the last week or so i have been woken up - usually between about 3 and 5am, by my dd (who is 1 on saturday) babbling and chattering which then develops into angry crying.

i always go and check on her and she is fine, nothing wrong with her. it usually goes on for about half an hour to an hour but when she finally gives up the little bit of sleep i then get is disturbed and not very good quality so i am just absolutely shattered at the moment.

what is making her wake up?? she has slept thru the night since she was 6 weeks old. why is she starting now???

it cant be hunger as she is a good eater (3 meals a day plus 3 bottles of formula and at least 2 bottles of water/dilute juice). and anyway surely a 1 YO wouldnt wake for hunger in any case?

i feel bad for ignoring her but i dont want it to become a habit, and i dont want to give her a bottle becaause then she might do it more as she thinks she will get something.

aaarggghhh need sleep.

OP posts:

dorisbonkers · 27/05/2010 16:54

Wow rollmops [doffs hat]

My ideas about sleep (and also my husband's -- he always moaned about getting 8 hours) have dramatically changed since having a baby and feeding on demand.

The most sleep I've had in 19 months was 4 hours. Most nights she wakes 3 times, sometimes it's 4.

I've just got used to it. In fact, it's not the sleep that does my head in, it's the one hour feeding to sleep settling that gets me.

wukter · 27/05/2010 16:58

Babbling & chatting I think is ok to ignore.
I know if I went in to my 11mo when she starts this she'd be up and raring to go for the day, but if I leave her she sings herself back to sleep.
Proper crying though I would go in an d soothe her.

Morloth · 27/05/2010 17:10

I wouldn't go in for bubbling and chatting, but definitely once she started crying.

Would snuggle and settle until not crying, then put her down again, rinse, repeat.

Well I say that is what I would do, but in reality I would probably just snuggle up with her and go back to bed.

Babies sometimes still breastfeed in the night at 1yo (well my DS did) so I assume they also might need formula sometimes?

tillys · 27/05/2010 17:18

YABU not to check on her I went through this and after a while it passed. I used to go to the side of DD's cot and just tell her quietly to go back to sleep as it wasn't morning yet.This worked after a couple of days. I do feel sorry for you feeling so tired is horrid but it won't last I'm sure

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 27/05/2010 17:25

Oh I hate it when these threads deteriorate into competitive tiredness...... it's more exhausting than the lack of sleep in the first place....

Lack of sleep is shitty, I'm sure you'll always find someone who survives on less sleep and has a worse time. Can't we all just be a bit supportive of each other?

dorisbonkers · 27/05/2010 17:37

I can't be supportive of someone who would leave their baby to cry for an hour. Sorry

dorisbonkers · 27/05/2010 17:45

Sorry, that was an arsey thing to say (I'm knackered )

I meant it in the spirit of waking in the night being common and it's often not down to one specific need, such as food or temperature.

If you can't cope with one waking in the night -- I mean REALLY cannot cope and are getting depressed, well then sleep training may be something for you, but there are less harsh methods.

But if you're just used to good sleep and you're adjusting, then I'd say suck it up. You still got it quite good!

Gauchita · 27/05/2010 17:46

I agree with Ineed re. support. After all, the OP started the thread asking for help and she already said she doesn't just ignore her, she always checks up on her.

There are loads of methods, and some work on some babies and others don't. Like everything else, I guess. I guess it's important you check she's fine when she wakes and cries.

Like others mentioned, she could be teething? How is her sleep during the day? Have there been any changes lately?

dorisbonkers · 27/05/2010 18:08

I wouldn't post in AIBU if I wanted support.

Casserole · 27/05/2010 18:15

OP YANBU. Lots of babies / young toddlers go through this phase. I'd definitely leave her through the chattering phase of it, then just judge it for yourself when she cries as to whether it's a stroppy cry or a "proper" one.

Some thoughts:

-Try adjusting her daytime sleep - either longer or shorter.

-Is she waking herself up doing a wee or a poo?

Could she be too hot or cold - weather changes and all that?

Is her room dark enough? Loads of babies I know do this in the spring.

-teething?

Whatever, hang onto this - it will pass, most likely. If she's had a good sleep routine then she will most likely revert to it at some point.

And ignore all the "jonior mods" who want to tell you what you can and can't use the various sections of these boards for. Last time I checked Justine et al had made mo such decress, so you carry the fuck on and ignore the less helpful posters (who are, quite likely, mainly just jealous that you've managed such a good sleep routine thus far).

This Too Will Pass.

Original poster

superv1xen · 27/05/2010 18:31

i only posted in here as i have tried posting stuff before in parenting etc and barely get any responses, this seems the busiest forum!

but thanks for the helpful responses.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 27/05/2010 18:36

actually, the op didn't post saying she needed help

she posted saying "am i being unreasonable to ignore my baby"

so, we've all said that yes, actually she IS being unreasonable
don't then moan because people don't offer constructive advice, if that isn't what you've asked for!!

no-one is telling anyone where they can and can't post. just pointing out that if you post in AIBU then you may get people saying you are!!!

LittleMissHissyFit · 27/05/2010 18:40

Whatever the reason, I'm guessing teeth, at least go in, check she is alright, reassure her , a couple of pats, a go back to sleep and leave the room.

Original poster

superv1xen · 27/05/2010 18:40

i dont mind people saying i am being unreasonable, i just hoped that along with the YABU'S i might just get a bit of advice as well

which i have.

OP posts:

ShowOfHands · 27/05/2010 18:46

It's v v v v normal for a 12 month old to start waking up in the night suddenly. It's a key time for it and developmental. Their brains are busy working on walking and talking. It's not their fault. They physically cannot self settle and it's distressing for them.

Nightime parenting is as important as daytime parenting and this is just a phase. When she cries she is communicating a need to you. By ignoring it you are doing her a disservice. It won't last forever and the best thing you can do is help her through it.

I wouldn't ignore a distressed adult who couldn't sleep, wouldn't dream of ignoring a dependent and upset baby.

Casserole · 27/05/2010 18:46

thisisyesterday she also posted several questions in the OP. Which would suggest she was trying to figure out a solution to her problem. On, you know, a parenting forum...

And you, in fact, DID offer her some constructive advice. So you clearly picked up on that tone too. Just a shame some people (not you) cruise the boards looking for an excuse to have a go.

Sigh. OP best of luck.

darkandstormy · 27/05/2010 18:47

OP Can't your dh take it on alternate nights to do the checking? at least you would get more sleep?

Cretaceous · 27/05/2010 18:50

If you think something is waking her, might it be the milkman? Ours goes by in the middle of the night. If it's always around the same time, there might be a regular event that wakes her - night worker coming home etc etc.

As she wakes up chatting, it sounds like she thinks it's the morning. Has she got blackout blinds, or is it still dark?

darkandstormy · 27/05/2010 18:51

OP Why can't your dh take it in turns to check on her? at least you would get more sleep.

dorisbonkers · 27/05/2010 18:52

My problem with leaving them to cry at night is that it's a volte face from how you would parent in the day. I'm guessing not many would leave their child crying wanting comfort for an hour in the day? No. So why is night fine?

I don't cruise looking to have a go. Sleep is an issue close to my heart - I don't get anywhere near enough myself.

I have sympathy -- I REALLY do, but I also raise my eyebrows a little at someone who is tearing their hair out with one night waking that has only happened recently. It's normal and you'll cope. 3-4-5 night wakings, well yes, bring out the heavy guns.

Sometimes you just have to suck it up. You can cope on broken sleep, all it takes is some time getting used to it and the knowledge it won't be for long.

darkandstormy · 27/05/2010 18:55

Whoops folks said it twice WEIRD SORRY>
Anyway that was my advice.

BertieBotts · 27/05/2010 18:55

I don't understand this "might give them an incentive to wake up" argument - someone said to me well, it would be like if you woke up in the night and your partner rubbed your back and gave you a nice drink, you'd wake up on purpose just to get that - er, no I wouldn't, I'd be asleep. How can you know what time it is to wake up when you are asleep? And surely if they know they can have milk (or attention or whatever) whenever they want it during the day they won't need to wake at night for it.

Morloth · 27/05/2010 18:59

Cretaceous "If you think something is waking her, might it be the milkman?"

LOL, I am so imagining an old fashioned milkman, sneaking in at night and poking the baby to wake her up.

sungirltan · 27/05/2010 19:02

blimey. as far as i know sleeping through the night isn't a given until they leave home!

i am assuming what you mean to ask is 'should i ignore my dc when they wake?'

if it always escalates into crying then yes, yabu, or so to speak you wbu if you did so. i think any child deserves to feel secure that a parent/carer will come if they need them and not have to resort to howling to get attention. also it will be harder to get her back to sleep if shes crying anyway.

i dont buy this whole 'rod for your back' theory either, sorry. my dd is teething atm and i have resorted to desp measures in the last few weeks to get her to sleep at night - guess what? when she feels ok she goes to sleep on her own...just like before.

BigWeeHag · 27/05/2010 19:02

My oldest boy sleeps less well at night if he doesn't get enough rest in the day - total overstimulation means he can't get good quality sleep. He's nearly 5 and still needs an hour or more of sleep in the day.

It's been hot weather, bright outside until really late, lots of new and different stuff. Things will settle down, betcha. x

Flip

1 2 3 4