to be pissed off that my brother never buys my DC a birthday present?

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

My brother is 27 and lives at home with my parents. He has a good job, and lives rent free. My DS's are 9 and soon-to-be 7. He has never once bought them a birthday present. Every year he sends a card (or rather, my mum does ) and then I get told (via my mother) that he will get them something when he sees them. He never does. If I bring it up, he'll claim to be skint while simultaneously showing off his latest gadget/guitar/designer clothing. I think he's being a total arse. AIBU? BTW, if I bring this up with my mother, she laughs it off

Don't buy him anything for his birthday.

My brother doesn't buy for my DD's either, he barely remembers birthday's at all (unless I remind him!) but by the same token he never expects a fuss for his or his DC's birthday's either (even though I NEVER forget!), it's just the way some people are.

Personally, I would just get used to it, as I have done, and explain to my children that their uncle isn't a birthday kind of guy but he DOES love them very much (he is a great uncle when it comes to playing/going to the park etc).

I don't Stopped that when he turned 21. In fact, in a rather childish retaliation for not sending my DC just a little something, I've even stopped sending him a card .

My brother isn't a hands on uncle, unfortunately. In fact, DS2 said to his face: 'You don't spend any time with us, Uncle X. You prefer hiding, don't you?'. Brother shrugged and mumbled a bit. DH's brother, by contrast, goes out of his way to spend time with the boys and phone them etc. It makes me sad that he shows so little interest .

Might be the wrong thing to do but just wanted to bring a bit of perspective....

My BIL never remember to buy gifts for DD's bdays, he worked full time, lived at home and had very little outgoings - MIL would always buy something and pretend he had brought it or it would be a rush job at the last minute.
November 2008 was my DD2's 2nd Birthday - once again BIL had not sent a gift or a card, DH and I were both seriously peeved and DH had decided not to speak to him for a few days to cool off (they previously spoke to a daily basis). 4 days after DD2's birthday my BIL committed suicide

Now, in hindsight - I couldn't give a shit if he never brought a card or a present ever again, just to be here

He's a bit selfish and mollycoddled, shrug, you have to let it go I'm afraid.

Childishly I would stop buying him cards as well, claiming to be broke and too busy, as I come home from an expensive relaxing spa day. though I am sure you are much more mature than me.

Not everyone loves your offspring as much as you do. He is their uncle but some people just aren't that fussed about b-days etc.

X posts Chicken turns out you are every bit as childish as I am! Immature great minds eh!

Oh, I am childish about this, I fully admit it My mother keeps mentioning my lack of card to my brother on his birthday as if I am actually Evil. I think she is blinded by the starlight emerging from his rear end

My brother didnt even congratulate me on having DS1, let alone remember their birthdays. He did get them a christmas present, but only cos we were down staying with my parents (he wouldnt have bothered otherwise)

He lives about 100 miles away, has no children, but he and his DP have dogs so I suppose children arent a big deal to them.

Makes me very sad.

Oh meant to say YANBU to be upset by it. Cos I am too.

I feel it more, I think, because BIL is so good at being an uncle. He genuinely seems to love seeing the boys/spending time with them/hearing all about their interests. My brother barely aknowledges their presence. I probably do just need to accept that he isn't going to be a real part of their lives, and that is his choice. It's a shame, because they are rather marvellous

I think it's a man thing! Lots of men are just not great at cards, presents etc. whether for birthdays or Christmas. In lots of families the women do this stuff, and if the man in question doesn't have a partner to do it for him, then nothing will change.

I just dont understand why anyone would think a single bloke who's priorities are women, beer and going out is going to be remotely interested in spending time with children.

I rarely give my niece or nephews a present let alone a card and the majority of their birthdays or christmas have passed without recognition. My SIL always says they have too much anyway. I would be utterly outraged if I was expected to buy them something sinply for the sake of it.

SO what if your brother's not interested.

When I was 27 I was far too busy having a good time. Get over it and stop waging your one person war on someone who doesnt care.

Some people are good at remembering birthdays and think they are important. Other don't. I'm in the latter camp. I couldn't tell you the dates of my nephews and nieces birthdays. I only just manage to remember my siblings... and they only get presents for big birthdays.

I don't have my own DC yet. But I wouldn't expect my siblings to buy any DC I do have presents EVERY birthday.

What I do do, is if I see something a particular DN would like I buy it and send it.

So they get surprise and random presents when they least expect them.

And as for parents who specify what their kids want for birthdays/christmas... they are unlikely to get anything.

What Trifle said.

I'm afraid you'll just have to let this one go.

Some people don't like little kids, even in their own families.

Or some people don't care.

Personally I couldn't care if my DC received cards from all their aunties and uncles - both my DH and I have LARGE families. But that is precisely because there are soooooooo many of them. TBH if I was to send birthday cards for each niece/nephew I would be sending about 4 a month!!!!!!

We tend to send things for ultra special occasions - such as big birthdays, or buy special presents when we visit them (most live abroad) regardless of whether there are birthdays at that time or not.

But I guess it is different in smaller families.

It's not a universal man thing though - my DB2 (10 years younger than me so not far off the same age as OP's DB) is 'cool uncle' to my DC and to DB1's. He always remembers DC's birthdays, turns up to help with parties, gets them very cool and well thought-through presents, and is the envy of all my DC's friends (and their mothers, who mutter darkly about there not being a snowball's chance in hell of their brothers turning up and getting involved in DC's parties )

DB1 OTOH (who has DC of his own) - well, let's not go there.....hence my personal advice to OP would be just to forget it - you are not going to change him or your DM and maybe one day he will grow up.

Ours is a small family, DH and I both have one brother. He is a selfish person, but I suppose I thought that he would love my children and want to be involved because he was their uncle. However, I can't do anything about that, so I'll just have to accept it.

My brother hasn't even acknowledged the existence of 6mo DS2 yet, not even a text message.

I wouldn't let it worry you, and I'm sure you wouldn't want him to buy stuff as the result of nagging rather than off his own back anyway, as then the meaning is gone.

True. I am sad that my sons are growing up to think that their uncle is a bit of a tosser, though. The total lack of regard pisses me off, to be frank.

Some people are not birthday present/card kind of people. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about them.

Some people don't like kids. It pisses you off, but maybe he finds you are a nag.

Doesn't sound like the two of you have a good relationship, anyhow.

Yeah, maybe. Our relationship is fine unless I expect anything from him. Sigh. Never mind.