to be pissed off that my brother never buys my DC a birthday present?

[ChickensHaveNoEyebrows]

My brother is 27 and lives at home with my parents. He has a good job, and lives rent free. My DS's are 9 and soon-to-be 7. He has never once bought them a birthday present. Every year he sends a card (or rather, my mum does ) and then I get told (via my mother) that he will get them something when he sees them. He never does. If I bring it up, he'll claim to be skint while simultaneously showing off his latest gadget/guitar/designer clothing. I think he's being a total arse. AIBU? BTW, if I bring this up with my mother, she laughs it off

I think we share a brother, OP. Mine is a total arse; won't buy presents for anyone (myself, mum and DC included) because he is "broke" yet has a BlackBerry, brand new laptop, new clothes every week and out most nights

Still, I buy him presents because i refuse to stoop to his level. One day he might realise he's being a selfish idiot but if I stop buying him gifts, he will feel justified in being a moron.

I have to tell my brother to acknowledge the children when I see him at my parents house.

A bit of courtesy wouldn't go amiss

And forget the kids, he doesn't get me birthday cards or presents or things.

My brother has harldy had anything to do with my chldren. My eldest (now 14) has seen him a handle of times ocver the yesrs - he did get the occasional Christmas or birthday present when he was younger. My youngest (4) has seen him twice.

It has got to the point where my brother has made his feelings quite clear that I have decided not to see/ contact him at all. He let my eldest down quite badly on his 10th birthday - promising a football kit (to be worn to a 'footballing' party on his birthday) that he never turned up with because he was out shopping with his girlfriend and wouldnt be delivering it. What annoyed me is that I could have quite easily bought it for my son, but my brother insisted he bought it for him. I will never forget my sons face when I picked him up from school and his first question was 'Is Uncle X here yet?' as he knew that he was getting this kit from him and I had to tell him no. He eventually got it 6 months later.

He has never shown the slightest interest in any of my boys, my husbands brother being far more involved and hands on with them. It is a shame because my DH and I only have one brother each, and is even more heartbreaking for me as I have lots of uncles and aunts who I was very close to nearly all of them as a child (often spending more time at their house than I did at my own!)

I have got to the point where I am of the mindset it is now his loss, I will not cajole or convince him why he should stay in contact with his nephews.

So IMO, YANBU [smile}

YABabitU. When I was that age I wouldn't have thought to buy any nieces or nephews birthday presents. Especially if I was still living at home and single (i.e. not very grown up). It doesn't mean he doesn't like them... just means he doesn't think presents are important.

Yes he is selfish, but weren't we all at that age and stage? I'm sure when he grows up a bit, esp if he has kids of his own, he'll understand and pay them more attention.

Being very honest, I kind of think it's a bit rude of you to "remind" him about it... presents should be voluntary...

I'm with minipie. DH and I are not birthday people. We do give to niece and nephews now that we have DS and my brother and his give DS presents. The niece came after DS so no issue, but the nephews did not get anything for a few years, so what? They have more toys and books than they know what to do with already. I do not want to be coerced into reading anyone a bed time story just as I am sitting down with a glass of wine either. When I was a kid, some aunts and uncles bought us presents, some didn't. No judgement on any by my parents or by me.

Clearly he is being totally unreasonable and should shower them with gifts

Hmmm. I guess the expectation is the problem. Our uncles and aunts always bought us birthday cards/small presents, so I assumed that this would happen

Cor just noticed the appalling spelling in my post.

have not neen at the sherry (honest hic)

op, I think your db is being really selfish

but just wait a few years till he has kids and remind him of this

Nobody has to buy anyone a birthday present and quite honestly, I don't like to receive anything bought with disinterest or after serious hounding!

Some people are good givers. Others aren't. You really do have to live with this fact.

Just penning a note to various uncles and aunts demanding 29 years (koff) in undelivered pressies. Those dirty rats never gave me a thing! Then again, I've got five older brothers... it could have become expensive.

I guess relationships differ depending on the size of families but I would never expect any of my siblings to buy presents for my children. Sorry.

both my brothers are crap. don't send me a card. one present for ds1 in 6 yrs. rubbish. doesn't bother me. they are lovely in other ways.

YANBU I was a singleton Auntie and was completely the reverse, spending my huge disposable income on stuff the kids loved. It got to one point where nephew asked if everything came from me I used to love going to Hamleys in my lunch hour!!

My DB loved it though so it wasn't overstepping the boundaries. Now I have a DS they are the same, love spending time and showering gifts. I love the attention and gifts they give him. We are a small family with no GP's though so we both overcompensate.

Even if he isn't the shopping type it's hardly a big deal to stick a fiver in a card is it?

My brothers never even send our MUM a birthday card - let alone the kids!

Yanbu, my bro is 36, good job, etc. the bit really annoys me is that before I had kids, him and sil sat us down and with a straight face said they would n't be having children of their own but would love to play a major role in lives of nieces and nephews

Five years down the line, after first year, no cards, no presents not even for xmas, no calls to kids.
Sil takes nephews on her side to Legoland and sees them regularly despite their 'challenging' behaviour.

My mother basking in the light shining from my bro's extensive arse will offer up 101 reasons why my bro actions are acceptable, reasonable, and desirable not however that he is a selfish little shit and has been like that since we were in nappies

Well our children have two aunties and an uncle between them and none of them send birthday cards. They remember Xmas and sometimes give a present.
I just get annoyed that I never get a birthday card or present from my parents or my brother but if I dare forget theirs they moan about it

TBH I think alot of people are not that interested in kids until they have some of their own.

Having said that I thnk your brother sounds like a bit of an arse. His Mum has to send cards from him - how immature is that? Does she make them out as well or can he manage to sign the card himself if it is put in front of him.