To be really p'd off with her?

[ChezzaB]

Ok so I've posted on here before about the MIL and got some flaming for it but here I go again... kind of more of a rant really!!!
Sat in the front room this afternoon trying to calm DS2 down and get him to sleep, knock at the door, think is a sales man as we not expecting anyone! Anyway DP answers door with DS1 and suddenly I hear MIL DP already slightly annoyed cos me and him had just had a small barny but there were obviously words exchanged between them where she has said she doesn't see the kids enough to which DP answered that she should make more of an effort then!

Then she's bloody crying, saying well I have to text every time I want to see them and then most of the time you are too busy for me to come round! she also says that FIL has hardly seen DS2 at all, DS2 is 9mo and to be fair we are obviously alot more busy these days with 2 children but they hardly ever text and ask to come round compared to when DS1 was little so I don't understand! It seems she has a problem with texting first, but then she text today but didn't actually wait for a reply before coming round and then was pi**ed off when she got here and couldn't see DS2 as he was trying to sleep! If I'm going to see someone I would always text or call first to check they were in and ok for visitors is that not just common courtesy? This is the 2nd time she has come round crying to DP and complaining that she doesn't get enough time and I think she was shocked to see me home as I generally work weekdays, I also don't think she expected DP to argue back so I'm not really sure what will happen now!
Ok rant over now!!!

So AIBU to be really annoyed, it's not the first time she has annoyed me and I have said to DP that she can come round and visit only when I'm at work and he's not cos I just don't want to see or talk to her at the moment!! I know this is VU but she had just pushed me too far this time! Ok rant really over this time!

YANBU but agree that some sort of regular arrangement needs to be made. I think the family evening meal sounds a lovely idea too. And doesn't have to be the same night every week due to your shifts - just give your PIL as much notice as you can about which night it will be each week.

I too agree about the dogs thing, my god she puts her dogs before the grandchildren! What is the problem with putting the dogs in another room for a hour

Having to call/text before calling round is such a British thing. After living in the UK for a few years I came to consider it normal too as people were so horrified by a casual visitor but where I grew up the idea of family having to ask permission to visit would be considered strange beyond belief.

The idea of either of my sons marrying someone like you fills me with dread though!

I hope to God I'm not forced to jump through so many hoops just to see my grandchildren when I'm 70!

MIL is just 55 years old and she would never meet me in town for a coffee, she finds it very formal and constricting. She'd much rather meet me and dd either in her house or in mine. She will meet friends for coffee though as it's a different situation iyswim. She wants to get down on the floor with dd, play games, chat to her. I really don't get along with her, but I wouldn't dream of restricting access to dd; she is her grandchild after all!

Poor, poor woman. My heart breaks for her.

I agree sunnydelight - It fills me with dread too!

YANBU about the keys but for all your sakes I think you need to arrange a weekly thing, the family dinner sounds good.

As for the calling before hand, I don't see it as asking for permission. I see it as both showing consideration for the people you're going to see and as avoiding wasting time by going to see someone only to find they're not in/on their way out/insert reason here.

YABU, she is the childrens grandmother. I wouldnt stop anyone from seeing them. You say DS2 was trying to get to sleep, was he actually asleep when she popped in? if not why not let her cuddle him and try to get him to sleep. I hope when my boys grow up and have kids they wont turn me away from seeing my grandchildren.