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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be grateful for my mil..

80 replies

biddysmama · 25/05/2010 12:48

firstly because she has 6 children close together so knows what its like... because she never visits me... because she has taken my children on as well as her (due in august) bio grandchild... because she tells dp to shut up when he is being an idiot and tells him off for letting me do things when i should be resting... because she rings to make sure everythings ok...

becasue she squeals in delight when dd (14 months) does something new and always makes a big fuss of things (like when we booked the wedding)and never sticks her nose in (well, once when she was told by someone that dd's car seat was fitted wrong, it wasnt, its rear-facing)

and mainly becaus she is the total opposite of my mother

after all the mil threads i wanted one for lovely mil's

OP posts:

whoodoo · 25/05/2010 15:31

lovely thread as mother of 3 boys I often worry about a future of being branded the evil MIL whatever I do.

Mine is also great - we're very different but I can genuinely appreciated that she is the kindest preson I have ever met and is kid obsessed so always desparate to help and never gives advice or sticks her nose in. She would help massively with childcare if it weren't for the distance.

My own mother is completely different - loves ne dearly but so intense and didn't feel the need to come visit her now 8 weeks old grandson before emigrating to NZ last week (wierd and hurtful!). My MIL on the other hand jumped on the train when I was in labour and was there 2 hours after he was born! Stayed for 4 days to help out with the others

thislittlesisterlola · 25/05/2010 15:35

My MIL is lovely as is my SIL I dont think I'm their choice- dp was in a relationship for long time before me. I think they tiptoe around me a bit as they dont know me really well.
She has bought so much stuff for her unborn grandchild to help us out and is more excited than I could of ever imagined. I think she likes me!

pippop1 · 25/05/2010 15:42

This is interesting as I have two boys (21 and 18) and hope to have some DILs at some point. I have one friend who's MIL is lovely and I asked the MIL what the secret was. She said "The DIL is always right. If you remember that you'll never go wrong".

twolittlemonkeys · 25/05/2010 15:43

YANBU. I love this thread. I miss my MIL so much - she died before DS1 was born and I could really do with having her around. She did a wonderful job of bringing up my DH to treat me with kindness and respect and I wish I had told her how grateful I am whilst she was alive.

She was a warm, wise, caring lady who put family first and welcomed me into the family when I married DH. She would take me out for lunch regularly when I was a student and was looking for work, she was the best cook I know, and it's a shame my children won't grow up with her around because she would have been a fantastic influence and a great source of advice. Also I know she would have been happy to look after the children to enable DH and I to have alone time (unlike my family, who live 2 hours away anyway). Oh dear I'm getting all emotional now but I really miss her.

maduggar · 25/05/2010 15:51

Mine was lovely, she was so thrilled when our DS was born, taking him for long slow walks even though she was sufferung badly from chemo. She would slip money to us when we were struggling, without us asking or making us feel embarassed. She would make us cakes/soups & stews for our freezer and liek yours, she would tell Dh when he was being an arse

Sadly, she died a year ago this week and we miss her terribly.

Tillyscoutsmum · 25/05/2010 15:53

Biddy - I think you could be me. My MIL sounds so similar (and my own mother is very different and not in a good way).

We're going on holiday with them in a few weeks and I can't wait. She'll do a fantastic job of entertaining the dc's so that me and DH can have some free time, she'll cook fantastic meals every night and not pull a face when I insist on having a turn and making a vastly inferior meal. She'll continually tell me how wonderful my dc's are and what a great mum I am and she'll sit and down a bottle of wine with me and put the world to rights

I just wish she was more local - we don't get to see her anywhere near as much as I would like

YellowDaffodil · 25/05/2010 16:18

My MIL is barking and interferes but I love her. She is great with DD and tells Dh off when he is being a nob - although she still babies him when she thinks I'm not looking.

She is seriously ill and I have no idea what we will do without her.

mangoandlime · 25/05/2010 16:27

Mine's the best. I love her to bits.

abdnhiker · 25/05/2010 16:36

I've two boys so I'll be the MIL one day and because of that I'm starting to appreciate my own. My boys have also changed my relationship with my FIL, who I never agreed with. Now when we're heading into rocky waters all I have to say is "aren't the boys wonderful" and he goes off into a stream of praise about my kids.

There's not that many people in the world who will love our kids unconditionally. I've learned that if anyone will, you need to value them with all your heart.

BigBadMummy · 25/05/2010 16:40

I adore my MIL. She has taken on my three as though they were her own (they are not, they are my ex's).

Despite living at the other end of the country she remembers important days for them and events that are going on with them and texts them good luck, or calls to find out how they are.

She is just the best.

Ex ILs live ten miles away and they couldn't give a shit about my three DCs so my new ILs really make up for it.

Love them to bits.

giveitago · 25/05/2010 16:48

Aw she sounds a fabulous woman and mil.

AlwaysHopeful · 25/05/2010 16:51

I love mine too. She has DD today which lets me bum around the house and put my feet up, which is much appreciated at 39 weeks pregnant... Generally she's great, especially at keeping her opinions on child rearing to herself, which is more than my own mother can manage!

June2009 · 25/05/2010 16:58

very of your mils, mine was really great, the perfect mil, I saw her everyday at the gym and we got on fantastically well before she decided to divorce fil.
Then she got completely paranoid that we were on "his side" (we weren't) and cut all ties.
I resent the fact that she was not there for me when I was pregnant as she had become like a mother to me. (mum passed away years ago). she never called me once.
When dd was born she started talking to us again but it a completely different (and irritating) person now.

flyingcloud · 25/05/2010 18:07

My MIL is great too, she is all class, has held her family together while FIL buggered off with another woman. She works so damn hard (looking after the elderly) and is a wonderful cook and hostess. She is incredibly attractive too and great company.

She will help us out whenever she can(although she lives far away). She takes my side too. For a long time I struggled with the very close relationship she and DH had but now I see why - she commands so much respect. She is not remotely tough or sour, considering how badly FIL treated her.

Can't you tell I don't like FIL though?

MarthaFarquhar · 25/05/2010 18:20

mine is ace
she has never questioned my parenting style
she pokes fun at DH when he is being pompous
she likes to visit each week, but doesn't get the hump if we're busy
she is always asking after my family, and sends cards and little presents to my sisters' children at christmas
she has endless patience with small, slightly annoying children
she will always babysit if she can

she was pregnant with DH as an unmarried teen, and had 3 children by the time she was 21. she has brought up three of the kindness, cleverest, and well-balanced people I know. If can do half as good a job as her I will me pleased.

NotGrownUpEnough · 25/05/2010 18:20

i love mine too....just thought i'd say

looseleaf · 25/05/2010 18:36

I absolutely loved mine too, when talking to dh about her I'd just call her Mum partly as a joke and also just because she felt like an extra one! She died a couple of years ago aged 62 and it's just so sad I can't see her again. She was also such a gentle kind and intelligent person and I know hers and fil's parenting really shaped dh to be as thoughtful, happy and successful in what he does as he is. She was so careful to treat me just like her daughters too

AliGrylls · 25/05/2010 19:14

I love mine too. She lives miles from DH and I and everytime I see her I am reminded why I enjoy seeing her. Although she has numerous minor ailments she always makes an effort to cook us a nice meal and she treats me a bit like her own daughter (probably because she likes telling me what to do).

In saying all this she has driven me mad at times, but then I remind myself that no relationship is perfect.

piscesmoon · 25/05/2010 19:21

What a wonderful thread-I hope that it gets hundreds of replies! I love mine too-and with 3DSs hope to be a good MIL one day.

gladtoliveinademocracy · 25/05/2010 19:22

my MIL is also wonderful - tomorrow she is coming to stay til the weekend to entertain the dc (one a baby, one at home with impetigo) and THEN she and FIL are taking them back to their place (3 hours from us!) for the week!! This is all because i have big exams for a course that has taken me 3 years of blood and sweat, but which i wouldn't have been able to do without her coming to stay often. She deserves a medal . There have been several times when she has just got in the car and come to stay with us when we have both been ill or are having a v hard time..
and the way she adores the children is just amazing - she has such patience and grace and is just so good generally with your kids. I have learnt loads from her without her ever "giving advice".
We are from totally different backgrounds and really are very different people altogether but esp since dh and I had kids we have definitely hit our stride in terms of how we relate. God bless my MIL

giveittomebabylikeboomboomboom · 25/05/2010 20:11

My MIL and I don't have a luvvy-dovey relationship, but I admire her hugely and think she's behaved impeccably towards me. She's a wonderful mum and lovely nanny and an all-round super-woman. Her cooking is second to none and she's got wonderful manners. She's also got a wicked sense of humour. I think she's great!

iwasyoungonce · 25/05/2010 20:12

Well, my MIL is not lovely. However, my DH's MIL is bloody fantastic. And he thinks so too!

GrumbleBee · 25/05/2010 20:17

Mine is a real good 'un. She is kind and positive and generous and friendly and always good-tempered, is utterly supportive of our parenting, has really welcomed me into their family, will do anything to help any of us, loves DS and enjoys babysitting him for hours or days.

She's completely unlike my own (also lovely but v different) mother. They both drive me nuts sometimes, but probably I drive them nuts sometimes too! It's been so interesting talking to them about being a mum, and about how wisdom on bringing up a child has changed and stayed the same, and watching them watching my DS growing up. I have a fantastic MIL, and so does my DH - and lucky DS has two fantastic Grandmas!

losingtheplotthisweek · 25/05/2010 20:37

We lost my MIL when DS was 10 weeks old and I really miss her.She died very suddenly and I am relieved that she saw DS nearly every day of those 10 weeks.I wish she could have met my DDs because I know she would have loved them too (in fact DD1 reminds me of her a lot, she shares the same dirty laugh and inablility to suffer fools (DD1 is only 3!).

I know I am lucky to have my parents around and always willing to help, but I still wish that my DC's and DSS's could have the extra unconditional love that Nanna would have given them.(I also miss her tellng my DH off when he is an arse,which recently is pretty often!)

AngelaCarleen · 25/05/2010 20:41

Mine is lovely, was a bit of a nightmare before DD came along, but since I found out I was pregnant last year has become someone I really can't do without.

She never sticks her nose in or gives us 'advice' unless we ask for it, in fact she's a real breath of fresh air from my pita mother

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