How much time do your OHs spend going out/having fun without you?

[robberbutton]

For instance, DH is going to see the England match this afternoon, he plays football for 2 hours every Saturday, he gets back in the early hours at least once or twice a week. Most often that's work stuff, functions and seeing clients etc, but even so, at one of the most recent events he met Kylie so it can't be all bad!

We've got three kids under 5. I'm a SAHM and both sets of parents are close so it's not too much of a struggle with the kids. DH is adamant that he doesn't want any more though, whereas I'm more never say never... I guess I would just like him to appreciate that (imho) he doesn't have it too bad.

AIBU? What are your OH's social lives like? Thanks

Never. DP is always here with me.. which I have mixed feelings on.

Thats tough ROBBERButton. . . i have been there and its horrible. My Ex was always in the pub, on the golf course and out.. . . i used to get really upset about it , as i was left at home "holding the baby". . literally. My present dp is great and he never goes out without me. . .infact if anything i have a larger social life than him. . . which is fab.

DH goes out once in a while to have a couple of beers with his mates (when he can get them altogether on the same date!). Probably about once every three months or so which I don't grudge him - he works alot of overtime on top of his usual shifts so he deserves time out on his own. I know I like to have time to myself too so it's all good.

If you are not happy about your DP's hobbies let him know. Perhaps you can talk about him cutting back on how much he leaves you on your own.

It's hard work being a SAHM!!

He gets the balance right, mostly.

He is also going to the England game today . During the football season he probably goes to 2 or 3 matches out of 4 (home and away), and that's his main 'social' thing. He usually has one evening out for work per week (but often home by 10-ish) and maybe two really late nights out per month (roughly).

I don't mind too much, as I probably go out a couple of evenings a month myself, and when DH is here he is hands-on with the children.

I can see that it might feel unfair if you are the sole childcarer all week and don't get much of a social life yourself. have you discussed this with him? In my opinion, your DH does indeed have it alright

Not much at all- I am the most fun he gets, usually

We have 1 DC, 3 months. Our free time goes like this:

Monday: family night, all home/out together.
Tuesday: DH plays squash for an hour with a friend
Wednesday: DS goes to my mum's. DH goes to squash training, I go the gym. Pick DS up at 10.
Thursday: DS goes to my SIL. DH and I go to salsa lessons. Pick DS up at 10.
Friday: Have friends/family over, go out as a family.
Saturday: DH plays football for 2 hours in the morning, then day as a family.
Sunday: day as a family.

So it works out that DH and I get to spend time apart, time together without DS and then time as a family. It's great!

Absolutely none, and he loves it and thinks it's really important that he loves being with his family so much.

I do think that it might be nice if he went out with friends sometimes. Then I might get to go to the swimming pool in return!

Mind you, I do like him.

My DH mainly works from home. He is usually in London, on average, one day a week though. About 50% of those involve staying overnight. I know he goes out then, with whatever colleagues are aroud, not late, just something to eat and a few beers. He is abroad for 1-3 nights most months too, so will go out then as well. I don't think he would really chose to do this though - it is just killing time/work talk most of the time.

He does, however, go down the pub almost every night from 6 pm until around 7.30 pm. The only night he doesn't go is a Saturday, on my insistence. Yes, it has annoyed me in the past that he left the house most nights when our son was younger and returned just after I had settled him (often unsettling him and then I would have to do and re-do it).

I work, too, and the fact that he can be so selfish about some things has definately accounted for the fact that we have left children at one! I would definately have had to convince him to have more, also, as even though in many respects he has carried on as normal he has shown he resents a lot of the changes that need to be made when you have small children.

Compared to a lot of men your DH definately has it easy, not compared to mine though!

There is obviously a lot of other things to take into account other than his social life though - have you asked him exactly why he is against #4? I would think there are a lot of practical issues to think about, which probably accounts for why most people have 1-3 children.

Once a week in winter to the local, occaisionally work nights out but only when he has to (&sometimes I go to)

I rarely go out.

3 or 4 times a year on my own/with mates.

Kinda feel like I need some leisure time but I feel guilty.

DW has no hobbies and I feel guilty if I want to partake of some of mine

Very rarely, and if he does it's usually work drinks so probably not all that much fun. We live abroad though so tbh he just doesn't have many friends to go out with. I do think he would benefit from a hobby.

I go out once a week to a gymnastics class, once a month to book club and the odd night out with friends.

DH out lots with work/friends during weekday evenings but weekends are our/family time. Makes me a little that I'm always expected to be home with the kids and need to organise a babysitter if I want to do something of an evening but there you go... gives me more time to MN I guess

At this time of year DH is out all day every day at weekends to go paragliding. I don't really mind it tends to be from April-Oct so only half the year. If its wet or breezy he doesn't go, if I'm at work he doesn't go. Or he takes DD with him.

He also goes on a paragliding holiday abroad one week a year.

However he never has nights out, drinking, etc.

I've got the opposite problem TBH
we moved back to DH's home town after years in mine. However he doesn't really have any friends left from before. So I do encourage him to go to all the post work drinks, and have the odd weekend away with uni mates.

but he's a real homebody, and reckons that he's happy spending lots of time with us as a family.

Very rarely - he does sometimes, but all our friends are mutual and he always wants me to come out too, which I do, time/babysitters/etc, allowing.

He would never have a problem with me going out by myself, either week or weekend nights and would happily 'babysit'.

It's not a big issue for us.

Dh goes out for an evening about 3 or 4 times a month. And so do I (separately). We go out together about once a month, I guess . We would do it more often but the cost of babysitters is prohibitive. Once the children can be left I am sure we will go out far more often.

Dh goes out once a year or less, honestly. Xmas party sometimes
I go out once a week or so - mostly to friends

Cricket evey Sunday April-October, out once or twice during the week (pictures or to a mates to play on the Wii). Has his mates round to play cards every 4-6 weeks (they shut themselves in the dining room and leave me in peace in the sitting room so no probs there).

DD is at school and we both work at schools (all different ones) so have 13 weeks a year holiday together which is plenty of 'together time' by my standards!!!

My mum thinks I'm a 'doormat' and that he has far too good a time of it

I try and get out every other week with my mates, but really enjoy my nights in on my own or doing girly stuff with DD (DH is not a fan of popcorn, makeovers and Disney channel marathons for some strange reason )

My dh loves to bath the kids when he gets home from work (I'm a SAHM too) so I go to the gym for an hour on a Monday while he does that; I go to my Spanish class for a couple of hours on a Tuesday; dh goes to the climbing wall on a Wednesday; Thursday we're usually both in; Friday he often plays an online game with his db as there is 8 hours time difference between them. Mostly the weekends are family time though yesterday he went paintballing and I stayed with the dcs as one of them was ill. We also try to get a babysitter once a month to go out together. Dh freely admits he has a lovely life so we must be getting the balance about right . (Not trying to be smug, but positive)

Well Dh goes to work, I'm a wahm.

I go to a sewing group on Mondays (term-time only), then I also do gym/fitness classes on Sunday, Tues, and 2 of Weds/Thurs/Fri. I also sometimes go on a Sat during the day.

Dh meets up with friends during his lunch break (he works in a city centre) and occasionally has a couple of drinks after work.

Neither of us really go out drinking etc. except on very rare occasions. That's mainly because we don't have anyone to babysit except my parents who then have to pay to stay somewhere overnight so we try not to ask them too often.

Since starting his new job he's worked away once (for 3 days).

My bf and I don't live together so we try to make the most of the weekend and go out when the children are at their dads.

My ex used to stay in all the time and it drove me bonkers, I think this is what finished us off because I wanted to go out and he never.

Thanks everyone Will come back and read properly once the kids are in bed . And after everything I said yesterday tadjennyp!