How much time do your OHs spend going out/having fun without you?

[robberbutton]

For instance, DH is going to see the England match this afternoon, he plays football for 2 hours every Saturday, he gets back in the early hours at least once or twice a week. Most often that's work stuff, functions and seeing clients etc, but even so, at one of the most recent events he met Kylie so it can't be all bad!

We've got three kids under 5. I'm a SAHM and both sets of parents are close so it's not too much of a struggle with the kids. DH is adamant that he doesn't want any more though, whereas I'm more never say never... I guess I would just like him to appreciate that (imho) he doesn't have it too bad.

AIBU? What are your OH's social lives like? Thanks

Dh goes out once or twice in the week (drinks, dinner at swanky restaurants, football matches) but that is with clients for work. He has to go whether he wants to or not, though he can usually choose the venues.

He never goes out in the evening just for his own entertainment (mainly because he's had enough of doing that for worK).

At the weekends he sometimes goes swimming or to rugby matches, but that's about it.

We hardly ever go out together because of a lack of family or babysitters here.

We have two dc ds4 and dd9months dp has ben out about 15 times without me in the last 3 years, I wouldn't mind if he went out more often but he doesn't want to.

dh rarely goes out- he gets pissed indoors on a friday night.

which is really shit.

Ok last week

Monday - Football at 9pm
Wednesday - golf in the afternoon, football in the evening
Saturday - go karting then out for dinner with friends
Sunday - golf in the morning.

But he works very hard and I'm at home/at the park/shopping with the kids, which I love. He doesn't love his work.

About 12 hours a week probably. Plus the odd pint down the road. Maybe more when the football season is in full swing.

Same here robberbutton. Though in fairness, ds is still ill and won't let me leave his side so I'm sitting on the sofa with my netbook as this is more interesting than Clifford!

DH- works full time 8am -5 or 6pm
Mon eve- Darts
Tue eve- home with me
Weds eve- darts
Thurs eve-wages night (Dh and his brother need to work out the hours and wages etc for their men)
Fri eve- usually at home
Sat eve- Maybe out with friends.
Sun eve- Metal detecting

Me- SAHM
Mon- home
Tues- Gym, then home with DH
Weds-home
Thurs- Gym before Dh does wages
Fri-either home or out with friends
Sat-same as fri-either me or Dh will be out with friends or go out together.
Sun-home.

We both have short holidays with our friends once a year, neither of us have any problem with the other doing anything, we like to do things as a family too.

DH hardly spends time away from home apart from when on errands, at work or rarely when he goes to computer fairs (he's a computer geek ....but a fun one!)

I've been reading some of these out to my DH - some of them are making us as some DHs seem to be taking the piss to say the least, but also reading these has made us realise we need to get out more as a couple - it's happened on a handful of occasions in the past 3 years

I go out far more than DH!

I go out clubbing every couple of weeks sometimes my husband comes with me but often he doesnt. We have nights in on our own on the weeks we dont go out as well. I get time whenever I want for as long as I want really.

I'm often telling my DH to go and get a life! Next week he is actually meeting up with a couple of my friends husbands. He likes them so I'm hoping that means he has some social life cause he really does have nothing.

I go out once in a while with my friends, this friday we are having a night in. My DH has also started to go to a kids and dads group on a saturday morning so I'm glad he is getting out a bit more.

Your DH is taking the piss though, tbh. I wouldn't be happy with that situation.

Wow, well I guess he's not quite the king of partying I imagine (Sea Trek !), but probably above average.

It's so interesting those of you who say you want your OH to go out more. I definitely am not complaining about the amount of time he goes out - I have a much easier time getting the kids to bed by myself because I just get on with it rather than spending the whole time thinking 'why isn't he doing...'. My problem I know.

Also, once the kids are down I like having the house to myself, can be much busier with housework/computer etc. Otherwise I just watch TV with DH.

I would however like some brownie points from DH for the amount of things he gets to do (possibly the unreasonable bit). A lot of his friends are single, and I just don't think he appreciates how little other hubbies go out (not all of them obv!).

I am treating myself to a take away on his credit card tonight while he's at the footie

i'm starting to think my DP is really taking the piss now

we have an 8 month old DD, i'm a SAHM, but i also study at college part time (plan on returning to work once i've completed my course in 18 months). DP runs his own business and is mad busy about 3 - 4 days per week from morning til night. he's lucky in the respect that once those busy days are over, he has f*ck all to do.

i couldn't give a weekly average with my DP as it really varies, but this weekend he went fishing on friday (all day) went to an all day festival on sat and is now on his way home from a concert. he has not long come back from a 2 week lads holiday (after a week he was desperately missing DD and tried to get home but couldn't due to the ash cloud) he is also going on another lads mini break in july. he attends some football matchings, all cage fighting events and goes for dinner with friends maybe once a week. TBH i'm getting rather pissed off and am going to have to insist that he gets his priorities right.

i go out clubbing or for a drink with girlfriends about once per month. we meet up for dinner once a week (with kids) i have a girly break away (no kids) every winter for 3 nights.

ahh robberbutton, its hard when the kids are younger to get the balance right. it took me and DH a while to get even, but we sat down and had a talk and said we were in this relationship as equals, and that we were going to share, so when the kids were younger, we had one night a week each where we went off and did something by ourselves.

maybe you could point out that he goes out a lot so why cant you have time out? he'll only learn to put the kids down to sleep and bond with them if you let him do it alone. dont become one of those mums who just accept that they do the majority of the work and no play!

go out with mumsnetters, they're all clearly wild

pisceslondon that does seem like a lot

BritFish that sounds like good advice. Tbh I'm really not too fussed about going out myself, am happy just pottering around. But it's interesting to think about it in terms of DH and the kids' relationship, I can see how that could help. And I should see my friends and stop using the DCs as an excuse to be flakey

agree that mumsnetters all seem to have fab social lives!

DH's social life revolves around Rotary, which we do together. The only thing he does on his own is 4 hours of sailing on a Tuesday evening. He also does a bit of casual work doing retrieval for a hot air balloon company which he loves so could count that as "having fun", he does this on an average of once a week

DP is not so much of a socialiser, but hoards a lot of time, for 'me-time'.
Ten years ago when love was young I poured my heart out over work related issues, whilst DP sat there playing a computer game drinking cans of beer.
Everything was getting me down. Then DP came in to say good night , smiling because the computer had lost.
Then DP asked if I wanted to chat more about work problems, DP had taken it all in !
Came up with a solution that involved me, ME, going for a management position. Got the job, got DP , got everything

Happy now to let DP have as much time