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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be ANNOYED at the suggestion that women have ivf because they've 'left it too late'

64 replies

twinterror · 21/05/2010 21:04

AAghghghgh!!!

journalist on the conception thread suggests that women 'leave it too late' to have a baby and then have ivf. Most women having ivf are indeed older but thats because they have been trying naturally for flipping years normally! People do not have ivf because its an easy option or they couldn't be bothered to have a child earlier on in life.

Drives me mad

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 21/05/2010 21:05

why not take it up on the thread in question instead of bitching about it here

Greythorne · 21/05/2010 21:06

YAdefNBU

Original poster
twinterror · 21/05/2010 21:14

I have taken it up on the thread in question but would like to know other peoples views.

I don't consider that 'bitching'. If you do, perhaps MN is not for you?

OP posts:
notthatfunnyreally · 21/05/2010 21:16

I've just read the thread.

I don't think she's saying that everyone who goes through IVF has left it too late - just that that's the angle she wants to cover with this story.

As the story is based on the proposition that in the future people may choose to leave it late then go straight to IVF I kinda think that's fair enough.

notthatfunnyreally · 21/05/2010 21:17

Think she should have posted in media requests rather than conception though, so you might want to report her on that basis.

IMoveTheStars · 21/05/2010 21:17

You can't even get IVF with our PCT until you're at least 35 anyway. It's a huge problem with younger women with fetility problems as they have to wait until then.

OP - YANBU.

meatntattypie · 21/05/2010 21:18

hmm, is it not predominantly older women who have IVF though?
Whats the stats on the average age?

I DO agree about it bieng annoying and as if its the easy option when it defo isnt.
Its like a last ditch attempt after years and years of trying everything and all methods with no success doesnt it.
Its all very unfair and a very sensitive subject.

DuelingFanjo · 21/05/2010 21:20

Oooh OOhhh Oooh - where's this other thread..... Let me at it...

goodnightmoon · 21/05/2010 21:23

YABU. I don't know of any good statistics on how long couples try before seeking infertility treatment, but the official guidance is to see your GP after one year, and six months if you are over 35.

Assuming some delays, time to run tests, try clomid, etc., even three years would suggest that women starting IVF at 35+ had left it fairly late in the game.

Fertility declines after 30, the decline quickens after 35 and drops off a cliff at 37.5 and again at 40.

People often do leave it too late. You often hear that 30 is seen as a good time to start.

Of course, there can be very good reasons to "leave it too late," such as not having met your partner.

But the reality is many women are indeed starting to try too late, whatever the perceived validity of the reason.

azazello · 21/05/2010 21:24

It is very irritating that the press approach IVF with a whole 'evil women putting career before children' thing and completely failing to recognise that many women don't want to ttc except in a committed relationship which may not happen until late 30s or that you've been trying for ages and start ivf after 35.

The journalist shouldn't be encouraged to perpetuate the stereotype. Hope MN can persuade her away from it.

ginhag · 21/05/2010 21:26

YANBU.

Some very dear friends of mine who started trying much earlier than me have come up against horrible obstacles, and after years of worry and sadness are now being given the option of IVF.

I think that on such sensitive subjects any sweeping generalisations are hugely unhelpful.

Portofino · 21/05/2010 21:33

Yet if you have a baby at 18 or 21 you get looked down upon!

DuelingFanjo · 21/05/2010 21:34

twinterror I totally agree with what you said on the other thread. Who in their right mind would choose to go through all that IVF involves before trying to get pregnant the 'normal' way!

The woman who started the thread seems to be associated with this site. which is kind of odd.

Trafficcone · 21/05/2010 21:41

I know plenty of people who looked down on me starting a family age 20 who were going to establish their careers and travel before trying for a baby. They then started ttc after 35 and were bemused to find they had trouble conceiving. One of these people suggested I aborted my eldest and waited to have kids when 'the time is right' thank God I ignored that piece of advice.

I also have friends who tried and tried for years and years before finally getting an IVF referral.
If a journalist wants to write about either or both types of ivf patient then so be it. They do both exist.

DuelingFanjo · 21/05/2010 21:49

Not all of us put off having children so we can travel and have an amazing career. Maybe some people do but is it the norm?

I don't think anyone who has trouble conceiving remains bermused for long. Also many many people who have IVF are doing so a long time before they hit 35 because they have fertility problems which are out of their control. One of my family has been trying for years without success. She was 28 when she started trying and has PCOS.

maryz · 21/05/2010 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 21/05/2010 21:50

arf at MN not being for me

LaBellaSantaCatarinadiSienna · 21/05/2010 21:54

There was an article last November in the Evening Standard and they interviewed Zita West who suggested people were turning to ivf too soon and using it as the easy option. 2 mc's and 4 years of ttc I can confidently say that what I'm going through now is not the easy option..

foreverastudent · 21/05/2010 21:55

goodnightmoon- it's actually after 25 that fertility declines

biologicaly 19 is the best age to have a baby

i do get annoyed that so many people of my age (approaching 30) consciously put off having kids with the expectation that the NHS will pay for IVF when they're 35-40. Isn't this just as irresponsible as people who get so drunk on a Fri/Sat night that they need to go to A&E and expect the rest of us to foot the bill?

wukter · 21/05/2010 21:56

so young mothers = benefit scrounging
sluts want it all their own way - what is the world coming to
older mothers = selfish haggard sluts want it all their own way - what is the world coming to

maybe we should all start our families at age 28.5 exactly? That seems acceptable.

DuelingFanjo · 21/05/2010 21:57

Do people really conciously put off having kids and really expect to get funding on the NHS? If they do they they are displaying a remarkable amount of ignorance about how and how quickly IVF funding is allocated!

JaneS · 21/05/2010 21:59

YANBU.

It is always 'women' who leave it too late, you note. Women never, of course, discuss the issues with their partners and make joint decisions, nor are they ever constrained by small social issues like jobs or housing.

wannaBe · 21/05/2010 22:09

haven't read the thread, but I do think that people take fertility for granted and just assume that they can have a baby when the time is right for them. And if it doesn't happen think that IVF will be the solution. In fact I even know people (yes more than one) whose attitude is "well if I can't have a baby naturally I can always adopt." Because it really is that straightforward.

I thin it is peoples' perogative to start trying for children when they feel the time is right for them. But people do also need to consider that if they leave it too late then they may not be able to have children at all if it turns out there are difficulties. And given that one in six couples have problems conceiving that's not an unrealistic thing to consider.

chandellina · 21/05/2010 22:12

agreeing with wannaBe. I think there is still a lot of misinformation about fertility and the "right time" for nice middle class couples who want kids to start trying. (despite all the negative headlines about women leaving it too late.)

notthatfunnyreally · 21/05/2010 22:23

I remember chatting to a lovely work colleague a couple of years ago when I was pregnant.

She's been with her husband for years and was saying they wanted a child but not right then as they still like going out to restaurtants, gigs etc etc.

She's 36 now and says they've been trying for well over a year and are having trouble conceiving.

I think (really hope) she will get pregnant, and I don't think 36 is that old, but it's quite late on to be finding out you have fertility issues and then investigating and attempting to treat them.

So I guess she could be the kind of person this journo would want to talk to.