ex partners!

[2blessed2bstressed]

Ok, I'm prepared to be pounced on here...but, is it really unreasonable to wonder if my new partner might be able to reduce payments to his ex slightly since she is now living with someone else full time and they are getting married? It appears that the CSA only look at net pay and take no outgoings into account. They also advised my partner that the maintenance is for his ex and she can spend it how she chooses. Let me make it clear - this does not appear to be on the two children!

can't help but wonder if attitudes such as the OP's are the reason many parents like do not receive maintenance.
the fact is that by being a single parent the amount of paid work i can do is limited, it was even more limited when ds was smaller. i have lost out on job opportunities caring for my vomiting child.
if i was to receive maintenance (ha ha ha) it would serve as extra money; firstly because the income cannot be relied upon, and secondly because i will not wait for that fool to pay up to provide a roof over our heads or food on the table.
with regards to reporting your concerns to social services: the concerns you have listed are very unlikely to meet the threshold of any ss team. ill fitting primani clobber? the children are at an age where they have preferred items of clothing right? not a child protection concern; frankly ss have bigger fish to fry (paedophiles having access to children, children being battered to within an inch of their lives, no food in the house for weeks on end, drug and alcohol problems that endanger the lives of the children in the households. you get my drift).
if you want to piss on your dp's ex's sunshine then report them for suspected benefit fraud.
but if the children's needs are being met, then it's nobody's business but hers how the money is spent.

how rude, i just read what i said, i didn't mention that the responsibility lies with both mother and father,they both created the child/children they both should be responsible for them financially as kids are expensive.

your current parnter is as responsible for his own kids as he's ever been imho.

I'm pretty sure CSA is for kids, not partners - it's for the maintenance of the kids, not the mother, but wha she actually does with it is her own business.

I skipped a few posts because I know how these threads go.

I know what you're saying, it's not that you're begrudging the children having what's due, but it's not easy to explain without sounding like the wicked stepmother. It's a difficult role, so hard to keep yourself from looking like a bad person.

I would go back to CSA and get a proper assessment because it sounds like he's over paying. If the amount was purely based on his earnings then he'd be over paying because of all the other things he's paying out - also is his contact including in the maintenance? Another point to look at is if he's taken your children on then that will affect his payments.

For future reference, don't stick stepmother threads in AIBU, it never goes down well!

Finally, kda5 - what's with resurrecting threads???

kda5 this is quite an old thread, why did you need to bump it?