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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to let a clearly exhausted 4 yr old have a nap?

75 replies

Greythorne · 20/05/2010 07:41

Yesterday, i babysat for my DD1's best friends, twins aged 4 whilst their parents went to a funeral. The funeral was a long way away, so we had the twins all day, from 9am - 9pm, which was fine.

Thing is, one of the twins fell asleep in the afternoon, quite literally; one minute she as playing on a tricycle, the next she had half fallen off, head in hands and was asleep. I took her off the trike and lay her on the sofa, poppped a blanket over her and she slept for a while. I guessed she must have been exhausted, with a death in the family, perhaps their normal routine has understandably been thrown out of kilter and being without her parents on short notice for a whole day was probably taking its toll. So I let her sleep.

In the evening, when the father came to collect, I gave him a quick synopsis of their day, what they had eaten, what they had done, and mentioned that X had had a little sleep.

He looked at me askance and said "what? for how long?" in a very narky way.

I explained the circumstances (ie that she was asleep on a trike and that there was not much for it but let her have a snooze.

But he was obviously narked and started going on about how she would not sleep that night and how long exactly had she slept etc.

AIBU to think if you are caring for a child who is obviously exhausted, it is ok to let them sleep? Or should I (shakes head in disbelief) woken her up and tried to keep her awake?

Durely the first rule of ad hoc babysitters is that they do the best they can (food, sleep, telly etc) but that the rules put in place by parents can be suspended, because the babysitter (not a childminder, just a friend doing a favour) is not the parent?

OP posts:

skidoodly · 20/05/2010 07:46

What an ungrateful prick.

Never do them a favour again.

suitejudyblue · 20/05/2010 07:47

I don't think YABU at all but I speak as one whose DCs were all great nappers and it never affected how they slept at night.
How could you have kept an exhausted 4yo awake anyway ?
You seem like a great friend to have the twins for 12 hours in the first place, what a shame you were made to feel bad about it.

specialmagiclady · 20/05/2010 07:55

Perhaps he was shattered after an emontional day and was just thinking "oh god - what if the twins are up mucking around and I don't get to go to bed immediately their heads touch the pillow." That might explain the narkiness...

You're right to have let the little one sleep tho'- what else could you do?

skidoodly · 20/05/2010 07:56

Even if that child doesn't sleep again until she's 21 he has a fucking cheek getting snotty with someone who looked after two children all day at short notice to help him out.

If he wanted to make sure she didn't nap he should have stayed home from the funeral and looked after her himself.

RunawayWife · 20/05/2010 08:01

Do not look after their children again. what a prick.

RunawayWife · 20/05/2010 08:01

Also I think it is a cheek to dump two small children all day on someone funeral or not.

Meglet · 20/05/2010 08:03

yanbu. Keeping them awake when they are shattered is not fair.

The dad is bloody rude, but he might have been ratty after the funeral.

I wouldn't babysit for them again though.

countrybump · 20/05/2010 08:05

YANBU, but maybe he was a little stressed, having just been to a funeral, and it being 9pm before he picked up his children. I'd cut him a bit of slack on this occasion. But, you were right to let the child have a nap!

Pozzled · 20/05/2010 08:08

YANBU, but agree with countrybump- it was obviously a stressful day for the parents, and the thought that he might have a bad night was the last straw. He's probably feeling this morning for the way he spoke to you.

PfftThePinkoLeftyDragon · 20/05/2010 08:08

YANBU.

She clearly needed a sleep. OK, it might have messed up her routine, but if she fell asleep while ON A TRIKE she obviously needed a nap.
I find that if they are exhausted anough at that age, it is impossible to keep them awake.

He should have been more grateful, but I would cut him some slack given the situation.

StealthPolarBear · 20/05/2010 08:11

you were right, but i can sympathise with him, having 2 children whose naps need to be carefully timed or they can be up until 11
Sometimes I picked DS up from nurserey after a stressful day to be told "oooh he's had a lovely long sleep"...my heart would sink.

So hwnbu to be stressed about that, but hwbvu to even hint at that to you

Fluffyone · 20/05/2010 08:14

I'd make allowances for the stress of the day. However, if you are asked to mind the children again it might be worth asking what they want you to do if one of the children wants to sleep. Because you know he wasn't happy at what happened last time, but you're not comfortable trying to keep a child awake, so if they expect that maybe they should find someone else to babysit.

cupcakesandbunting · 20/05/2010 08:33

YANBU. What an ungrateful prick. It's bloody har trying to stop a child that exhausted from sleeping anyway.

If I were you, I'd "innocently" say to his wife "Oh I do hope that DC slept ok last night. She was so pooped at mine that I had to let her have a nap but I think I might have done the wrong thing because DH seemed a little annoyed so really sorry if it disrupted her routine" But then I am a vengeful cow so maybe you shouldn't.

pigletmania · 20/05/2010 08:43

Stupid sod, obviously caring more about HIS sleep than the little girl who was crying out for a sleep. YANBU but that silly man is being VVVVVVVVVU

StealthPolarBear · 20/05/2010 08:45

but piglet, while I agree with the OP in this case, that is exactly what I do while DS is at nursery. If they let him nap he can be wide awake and bouncing off the walls until 11. I could cope if 1 hour nap = 1 hour later bedtime but it doesn't seem to work like that.

Original poster

Greythorne · 20/05/2010 08:49

stealth
I take your point, but surely there is a difference between a friend doing a favour (in which case, they do their best to care for their own kids and yours and sometimes some things slide, afterall, it is occasional) and nursery or childminder, which is regular and so parents rules and wishes should be respected? I see a difference there.
when I am lucky enough that my parents babysit my kids so DH and I can go out for dinner, I take it as read that they will:

eat too many sweets
watch too much telly
go to bed late

Because it's not the GP's place to argue and lay down the law with my kids. That's for me to do! But when you have a nursery situation, that's not the same at all.

OP posts:

Tangle · 20/05/2010 08:51

YANBU

As a babysitter you do the best you can in the circumstances. I do take SPB's point - but if it mattered that much then, IMO, they should have said something when dropping the children off.

StealthPolarBear · 20/05/2010 08:51

oh yes, defintiely, just making the point that I too put my own sleep needs ahead of the child's need to nap. I have done a few nights of going to bed straight after we've finally got them to sleep (and then being up in the night and up at 5) and it's soul destroying. We need time to unwind, talk to each other and just switch off a bit.

StealthPolarBear · 20/05/2010 08:53

after all you see so many threads on here from people who are having dreadful days, DCs playing up, the usual advice is "have a glass of wine when they're in bed". So what when that's not an option either?

DaftApeth · 20/05/2010 08:55

Yes, but Stealth, you are paying th nursery to look after your dc, so imho have every right to be miffed at them letting him/her sleep for a looong time.

Op was doing a huge favour for these friends and should not have been spoken to that way. Downright rude and ungrateful and no excuse for it in my book (funeral or no funeral)

I wouldn't babysit again for them and would be tempted to tell them why if they ask you to (although probably wouldn't )

RedTartanLass · 20/05/2010 08:56

Dear god this is the Op's best freind's dh, not some random stranger, give him a break!!! He'd been at a funeral all day. Jeeez am glad some of you aren't my mates in RL!

YANBU to let the LO sleep, but you are VVVV unreasonable to be so narked about the way he talked to you. As someone else said he probabaly today.

QSnondomicile · 20/05/2010 08:57

He is a prick, and yanbu.

To be honest, if the wife mentions something about the funeral, or anything, I would say that her husband had been very disapproving about you letting a child who was so obviously exhausted have a nap, and that you would not have been able to cope with their two kids and your own, if you were to keep her awake also. I would also say that I did them a favour, and did not expect a telling off at pick up time.

VoulezVouzCrochezAvecJACK · 20/05/2010 08:58

YANBU.
I looked after my friends DC's (they were 6ish months and 2ish)when her mum was terminally ill and during teh funeral, I regularly cocked things up, gave bottles an hour early as I couldn't stop them crying, another time I let them nap and they slept through their feed so woke up ravenous and buggered up the rest of the days feeds for my friend.

She was nothing but grateful, even though I ahd caused work for her later in teh day.
I think he might have ahd a stressful day but in all honesty that was still uncalled for.

QSnondomicile · 20/05/2010 08:58

And also, to be honest, you do have some decorum if somebody has done you a favour, you dont just tell your friends off like he did.

StealthPolarBear · 20/05/2010 08:59

I know that DA,m was specifically responding to the "putting your own need for sleep ahead of your child's need for a nap" comment
And now it looks like i'm trying to pick a fiught with piglet - i'm not, sorry piglet

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