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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or are my mum and sister and friend??

44 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 17/05/2010 23:29

A week ago i got up at 8.30 on sunday morning came into my living room and found ds1 watching tv.

I turned over from the crud he was watching -some film i recorded for the boys and the channel that came up shocked me!

Now from that you can guess it is not one an 11yr old should be watching. It had a woman in scanty undies writhing while holding a phone - i figured it was one of these telephone sex shows and turned it off. I asked him why he had been watching it and he gave me some rubbish story about pressing random buttons and it popping up

Now i went to town on him without screaming at him but explaining in my home it just "ain't happening". and sent him to his room.

My mum phoned and when she asked me what was wrong i told her, her attitude is "he is at that age" as is my sisters attitude and my "friend".
AIBU to think that this is the wrong attitude for 3 women 42, 50+ and 64 to have???

Or AIBU to be so upset that he is watching this crap at 11yrs old?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 17/05/2010 23:31

Friend has JUST this minute told me, i have the wrong attitude as she allowed her dd to sleep with her boyfriend in her house at the age of 15 and that by not letting DS1 watch these channels I am teaching him to have sex secretly

OP posts:
moondog · 17/05/2010 23:31

I wouldn't be cross with him.He is naturally curious, that';s no bad thing. Shouting might make him think he has been dirty sand bad and he hasn't.

You could try explaining calmly why you don't want him to watch it.

mumbar · 17/05/2010 23:32

YANBU but 11 yrs olds are curious

BeatRoute · 17/05/2010 23:33

This might not be very helpful but my TV defaults to babechannel (or somesuch tut) when I switch it back to TV from DVD. Your son just might have a watertight excuse...
Aside from that, it's your house and if you don't want that kind of thing on your TV then deal with it how you see fit. It shouldn't really be anything to do with anyone else, regardless of their age.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 17/05/2010 23:33

Moon, i didn't shout, i explained i didn't what him to watch these programmes as he is too young and if he wants to ask anything he can speak to his dad or i.

OP posts:
scanty · 17/05/2010 23:33

I'm more in line with your mum and sisters. Don't know if your response was helpful. How can he access this type of thing anyway? Can't you cancel or make it out of bounds to kids?

fortyplus · 17/05/2010 23:35

YA(probably)BU. Not likely to be anything too unpleasant at 8.30 on a Sunday morning.

Maybe an ad for a dating service or something - so we'd no doubt disapprove but at 11 his mates at school will be showing him worse.

Anything you overtly disapprove of instantly becomes more appealing - better to stay cool about this sort of thing.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 17/05/2010 23:35

Don't get me wrong i understand he is hitting that dreaded age/stage of puberty arghhhhhhhhh where is the escape hatch??

OP posts:
Onestonetogo · 17/05/2010 23:35

An 11 year old will be naturally curious about sex and to see what a naked woman's body looks like, so yes, YABU. Your mum, sister and friend didn't say that you should let him watch that stuff, just that it's normal for him to want to watch it at this age.
But you did the right thing to stop him and send him to his room.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 17/05/2010 23:36

Scanty only thing i can think of is that he read the pin from the sky viewing card

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 17/05/2010 23:41

hmm maybe i abu DP says same as the others lol

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 18/05/2010 05:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

backtotalkaboutthis · 18/05/2010 05:40

Completely YANBU. Don't let people persuade you you are weird for not wanting an eleven year old to watch women writhing in their knickers. They are weird for thinking it's perfectly ok.

gtamom · 18/05/2010 06:32

Normal for boys and girls both to be curious about such things. But your job to teach him woman are not objects and the right attitude regarding sexuality. I would use this as an opportunity to let him know those girls are not the same ones they hire for the phones, they are hopeful actresses trying to break into show business.

I would not punish/lecture him for this even if he was watching it anyways.
It really could just be a default program, if he was channel surfing.

Longtalljosie · 18/05/2010 06:41

He will be mortified. There's nothing you can do or say which will be worse than his mother catching him watching that sort of stuff. He'll still cringe at the memory in his 40s...

slushy06 · 18/05/2010 08:00

I have my sky on a high safety setting but it doesn't block those channels out for some reason. Also his excuse could well have been genuine I have reached for the remote many times my hand touching the 9 and that channel flicked on they are usually in the 900.

earlyriser · 18/05/2010 08:12

Sure he wasn't just watching a Lady GaGa music video?

colditz · 18/05/2010 08:14

he is that age

If you don't want him to see it, block those channels, don't have a go at him for having testicles and wanting to use them.

colditz · 18/05/2010 08:15

PS EWWWW he doesn't want to talk to his parents about sex, you're ANCIENT to him and should never even think of nudity!

sowhatis · 18/05/2010 08:17

that channel often pops up on my tv, its not pin protected, and often when i turn it back on (and i have been only one in house so know no one is watching it!) it will come on.

i wouldnt have gone to town on him, but i wouldnt let him watch it either.

Katisha · 18/05/2010 08:30

I wouldn't have been happy about it either.
How is it "normal" to think it's OK to let 11 yr old watch what is virtually soft porn?

I don't understand why people feel your attitude is wrong. But then again your friend seems to think he should be shagging his gf in a couple of years anyway.

MaryBS · 18/05/2010 08:36

Sky have an option to switch the adult channels off, so you don't even get to see them in the list of channels.

fortyplus · 18/05/2010 08:39

But surely they're not on at 8.30 on Sunday morning are they? if they are!

Songbird · 18/05/2010 08:55

I think some people here are wilfully misunderstanding the difference between letting him watch it, and not freaking out to find him exercising his curiosity. The people saying it?s natural at this age are not condoning it FFS.

Songbird · 18/05/2010 08:56

40+ - oh yeah, fraid so. No such thing as an off-duty perv!