AIBU or are my mum and sister and friend??

[TheLadyEvenstar]

A week ago i got up at 8.30 on sunday morning came into my living room and found ds1 watching tv.

I turned over from the crud he was watching -some film i recorded for the boys and the channel that came up shocked me!

Now from that you can guess it is not one an 11yr old should be watching. It had a woman in scanty undies writhing while holding a phone - i figured it was one of these telephone sex shows and turned it off. I asked him why he had been watching it and he gave me some rubbish story about pressing random buttons and it popping up

Now i went to town on him without screaming at him but explaining in my home it just "ain't happening". and sent him to his room.

My mum phoned and when she asked me what was wrong i told her, her attitude is "he is at that age" as is my sisters attitude and my "friend".
AIBU to think that this is the wrong attitude for 3 women 42, 50+ and 64 to have???

Or AIBU to be so upset that he is watching this crap at 11yrs old?

They were blocked now the sky has been cut off its a waste of money anyway tbh.

Ok... in that case the OP is being VU not to have blocked access to the channels in the first place.

Having come across the channels as a result of his parents' oversight, the child was understandably curious.

Not helpful of the OP to react angrily when the child should never have had access to it.

Sorry OP - the blame lies with you not your son.

But be aware that 11 year olds will be shown vile stuff. At the same age my son was shown footage on a mobile phone of people performing both male and female oral sex. Also a cartoon of Tarzan swinging through trees and ejaculating over Jane.

A 12 year old boy showed my son this. My son was upset by it but didn't say anything for a week. When he did I informed the other boy's parents. Blue Tooth technology means that this sort of material is widekly available to children, unfortunately.

It's not helpful to rant at them for taking an interest. Much better to discuss it calmly.

40+ if you read you will see i have already said the channels were blocked but all i can think is he got the pin number from the back of the viewing card where it is printed.

When i said i went to town on him, i did not react angrily, i told him he is not to watch these channels and that if there is anything he wants to talk about then he can ask his dad or i.

When i said that he started arguing and i sent him to his room.

Fair enough but the lesson to be learned is for you... make sure he doesn't have access to the pin. You are feeling guilty because your son saw unsuitable material and tbh there is no one to blame but yourself. No use at all blocking the channels if you leave the pin lying around!

If you want these channels in your home then it is your responsibility to ensure that children do not have access.

you can re set the pin online...easy

he's same age as my ds....i remember all your probs this year (and last) with your ds

i'd say,pick your battles.....this is normal pre teen curiosity. my own ds has had a search for 'cheryl cole in her underwear' on my laptop.....save the battle for the bigger issues you've had previously,but just speak calmly to him about these silly channels!

40+, we don't watch these channels they are blocked and the pin number to unlock them is printed on the sky viewing card. It is not that i left it laying around, the card is needed to watch the sky channels such as the kids and the movies etc.

I am not feeling guilty at all tbh, no need for me to.

A friendly word of warning - if you're sending him to his room for arguing at the age of 11 you'll find the next couple of years extremely challenging and there could well be an escalation of bad feeling and resentment.

It takes some digging deep, but it's really worth trying to find ways of communicating without resorting to exclusion; if you get into the habit now of taking deep breaths and finding your inner Victor Mature you'll find the real trying teenage stage much more bearable.

Lady, coupled with his behavioural issues i am dreading the teenage years tbh

Of course you should have had a conversation about it, but you have made him feel disgusting and dirty. You however are rather foolish and neglectful fro not protecting him from viewing this by restricting certain channels.

This would have been a good opportunity for discussing our bodies, feelings and sex.

'coupled' meaning this curiosity? Jesus Christ.....this is normal behaviour.

Posie, no i mean his behavioural issues not this. They are 2 different things.

TLE I've posted on some of your other threads about your DS. There are eerie similarities between our DS's!

I would say that your Mum and friend weren't BU when they said it was his age - they're right. My DS's school mates have introduced my DS to some stuff that I feel is very sad.

He was for a while, ringing a chat line from his mobile phone. God only knows what the woman on the other end thought!

I've also caught DS downstairs in the middle of the night because he "couldn't sleep" and trying to get onto the Rabbit or Babe stations on freeview....

I don't think that your DS is BU with his curiosity, it's just that technology has moved on so much that kids are/can be exposed to stuff which you'd rather they weren't!

But you weren't BU when you sent him to his room for arguing. I can only say that the arguing thing will get worse over the next couple of years...... I struggle to keep it calmer, but I've already posted on another thread of yours about the behavioural issues.....

LL...maybe they were seperated at birth

I'm confused.

You say "I turned over from the crud he was watching -some film i recorded for the boys" so you marched into the room and switched the TV over from the film your son was watching.

The channel underneath was babeTV (or whatever it's called). How do you know he was watching babeTV, your DP could have been watching it the night previously

As this happened a week ago and you are still fretting about it now I would say get a grip and stop swanning about the house turning the telly over when your son is watching it, that's rude.

If he has 'behavioural issues' surely that's all the more reason to learn to take the heat out of a situation and not get into a shouting-and-sending-to-room spiral?

Ok, i am not still fretting about it, i had been talking to a friend who brought it up.

I didn't march in the room and turn it over without a word. I said "You can finish watching this later i just want to see the news"

And i do know DP hadn't watched it the night before because he was in bed before me and my friend who was here at the time. I didn't go to bed until 5am DP didn't get up until 8.45ish to get ready for work.

Sometimes Lady, it is better to send him to his room. Because when he gets caught out doing something he goes into a rage.

Well, you know him better than I do, obviously, but could the rage be a defense mechanism manufactured to pre-empt reactions he's had in the past when he's been 'caught out' doing something?

Lady, he has been diagnosed with ODD.