to feel quite jealous of some folks great relationships with their parents?

[ilikeyoursleeves]

I am very thankful for what I have got, I have a DH and 2 fantastic DS's and I am very happy with that. We rarely go out at night etc due to the kids and lack of money but I like hanging about with my own little family at home and going out on day trips etc. I think since I had kids it's made me realise just how crappy my relationship is with my family (ie parents & siblings). Well, I have always known obviously that we are not a close family but the other day I was looking at my cousins photos on facebook and I saw her at a party having a ball and her parents were there too (my aunt (dad's sister) and uncle) also having a ball, dressed up in fancy dress and hugging my cousin. It just made me feel so sad and admittedly jealous because a photo like that would just never happen with my parents and me.

My parents have never been ones to show affection or hug me etc. They have never said they love me, although I know they do, they have just never ever said those three words. I told my dad I loved him at my wedding and he said 'we'll have enough of that nonsense' I only see them every 3-4 weeks now (don't even speak to them in between) and if I was to phone them my mum always says 'What can we do for you?' as if I was a call centre. I'm used to this though, they have always been like this but when I see others who have a great, close relationship with their parents, it does make me sad. I even remember staying with my cousin (the one in the facebook photos) when I was little and I was so jealous of the closeness of their family even back then (about 20 years ago). My in laws are all really close too and see each other loads. When I see my parents I feel we have nothing to say other than all the superficial stuff, it's like we are growing even further apart as we get older.

Not sure what I'm trying to say or what I'm looking for, this is more like cathartic typing I think! My parents will never change and my relationship with them is so distant that I think it would feel odd to even try to get closer and they wouldn't embrace this anyway. I'm adopted so I wonder if that makes a difference in both my and their feelings? They have a natural son (my big brother) who has emigrated to NZ and last time I called him (we speak about once a year) he said he had no plans on coming back even for a holiday and probably the next time he comes here it will be after he gets 'that phone call' (ie, one of our parents dies). Do you not think that is weird?

I also have a sister (also adopted) but have a crap relationship with her too for a long list of reasons, too long for here.

Sorry this has gone on for ages, I just sometimes wish I had a normal family!

I know what you mean - I watched a hen party at the airport the other week, and there was the bride, mum, grandma, aunties etc all having a holiday together, and I was that that was never, ever my family dynamic. Both my parents come from families where they didn't learn to be affectionate (my mums mum was in hospital for 5 years as a child and as only saw her parents once a week, never bonded with them or her sister, mums dad was orphaned at 10 and left home at 14 to join the navy to spare his brother the expense of keeping him, my dads mum had schizophrenia and spent her life in and out of hospital and was, to be frank, not a very nice person), so they didn't have a relationship with their siblings, and aren't sociable going out types.

I feel slightly guilty listening to these stories, My family are fantastic,parents 5 miles away sister lives down the road, my grandparents opposite and we live next door to the in-laws as they are fab too. My sis MIL and Mum all came to my hen weekend I would have had dad and FIL too if I could! I know we've been lucky though.