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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

step-mother representing herself as my children's birth mother on genealogical web

51 replies

aokay · 17/05/2010 17:30

I've just found an internet genealogical website that has details of my ex-husband, his wife and my children with my ex husband - apparently she is the mother of my children, I;m not mentioned. I'm seeing red and wonder am I being unreasonable to be furious that they lied about my children's parentage on a genealogical website?.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 17/05/2010 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scurryfunge · 17/05/2010 17:33

Bit put out but it's not a legal document....it doesn't mean any thing,it will just be inaccurate

3cats3dogs · 17/05/2010 17:34

YANBU at all! I'd be fuming.
Contact the website administrator and set them right.

WingedVictory · 17/05/2010 17:37

Haha, listen to MadamDeathstare! Going behind their backs is just what they have done to you!

Original poster
aokay · 17/05/2010 17:38

sorry but to be told it does'nt mean anything is a weird response - would you like to be expunged from the historical record as your children's mother? - I know step-mother hates my guts but pretending I don't exist and saying she is the mother is plain weird - thanks for the website tip, Madam - not sure what I'll do if they ignore my email though....have no other way of contacting moderator.

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 17/05/2010 17:40

What is a genealogical website- is it a resource for others to look up?

What a very hurtful and inaccurate thing to do

Do the children live with them?

HecateQueenOfWitches · 17/05/2010 17:42

I would be spitting feathers! I would contact the site and tell them that you want this removed.

I would actually be on the phone to my ex too. "You'll never guess what I found out on Genes Reunited (or whatever it was!) I found out that X and not me is the mother of my children. Imagine my surprise, what with the birth memories and the stretchmarks and saggy boobs and everything. How on earth do you suppose that happened?!"

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 17/05/2010 17:42

YANBU.

If you are on reasonable terms with your ex why not ask him what is going on?

I think the poster who said it didn't mean anything meant it is "only" a family tree site, not a legal document.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 17/05/2010 17:42

Sorry - don't have to answer old nosey pants above. It doesn't matter. Still very hurtful and weird

MadamDeathstare · 17/05/2010 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 17/05/2010 17:43

I meant me - nosey pants

xstitch · 17/05/2010 17:45

Poor you aokay, I am afraid I don't have a solution but I would be upset if it happened to me. It may not be an official document but incredibly rude of the step-mother imo. I think the advice given above to contact the web administrator is a good one.

scurryfunge · 17/05/2010 17:47

Sorry but you did post in AIBU. It doesn't mean anything if it isn't true. A genealogical website is only as good as the person putting it together. It can't be used for anything other than historical interest....that's what birth certificates are for

MPuppykin · 17/05/2010 17:47

I'd be so beyond furious. YANBU.

MadamDeathStare.... 'don't engage the crazy' is a piece of art.

RunawayWife · 17/05/2010 17:49

I would contact the wed site,
Your Ex and his wife sound very stupid people

Plumm · 17/05/2010 17:51

Do you know how the info is put onto the site? Is there any way to edit the details?

YANBU, by the way.

mitfordsisters · 17/05/2010 17:51

Is her name Stalin? YANBU

AnyFucker · 17/05/2010 17:52

how incredibly weird

I know it isn't a legal document or anything, but wtf do they think they are doing ? Re-writing history ?

I would be very pissed off and insisting that they cease this strange fantasy they are creating...

scurryfunge · 17/05/2010 17:52

Sorry aokay....didn't mean to sound heartless

wannaBe · 17/05/2010 17:56

do your children live with them? Not that that would in any way be an excuse.

I agree - contact the site administrator (assuming there isn't a way to edit the information) and tell them that the information is incorrect and you would like it rectified. In fact, is it your xh's family information on this website? Because if so by rectifying the information you will not only correct your children's parentage but this woman will then presumably also be removed, assuming they don't have children of their own together.

fragola · 17/05/2010 17:58

Has she put their names on? It's generally considered very bad form to put children's names or living people's names on without their consent.

Not surprised you're annoyed, I'd have words with your ex and the website.

bran · 17/05/2010 17:59

Is it possible that it could be a misunderstanding? For instance if data is input into the site in a very rigid way then it's possible that your ex was asked for details of children and details of spouse but there was no facility to make it clear that his spouse is not the mother of his children.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 17/05/2010 18:01

I agree with bran

Original poster
aokay · 17/05/2010 18:11

history suggest entirely deliberate unfortunately - yes it is a resource for people researching their family tree...I know it is'nt a legal document but the intent is unabiguous and no, they could'nt have done it in error or due to a rigid input system on the site itself - I looked. Thanks for your replies anyway - glad to know I'm not stupid for feeling angry.

OP posts:
CheerfulYank · 17/05/2010 18:13

I agree with Nosey Pants.

YANBU, what an odd thing to do.