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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

giving a present back to the giver?

53 replies

Greythorne · 17/05/2010 17:00

My DH has a cousin who has 4 DCs and I always give / send them birthday presents. I sent a tee shirt to one of them a few weeks ago and we went round to their house yesterday. During the afternoon, the mum said, "Oh, by the way, the tee you sent for X, is lovely but it doesn't fit, do you mind taking it back?" She handed me the tee, which still had the ticket of it.

I took it and apologised for buying the wrong size, but inside, was thinking, "how rude, why doesn'tb she return it herself?"

So, now I have to go back to the shop, return the tee, they will almost certainly not still have that tee in stock as it was a few weeks ago, try to find something that will fit, then send it through the post again.

But if she took it back, she would be able to get exactly the right size and cut out alot of the hassle.

AIBU to think she was not only rude but also expecting me to do alot which she could do herself?

OP posts:

upahill · 17/05/2010 17:58

But TraceBath She did say it was lovely and by the sounds of it just wanted a bigger size. I think that proves that she likes the pressent.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 17/05/2010 17:58

We need more details - tone of voice, actual words used etc !!!!!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 17/05/2010 18:00

FWIW, when I give a gift of clothes I always tell the recipient that I've got the receipt in case it's wrong size/they don't like it. In some cases, offer to give the receipt to them That's normal in my family

traceybath · 17/05/2010 18:02

But returning stuff is a faff and most shops will happily exchange without a receipt especially for a different size.

I just personally would never do that. I've often received gifts for the dc's that are the wrong size/not to my taste and I just go to the shop and exchange them minus the receipt.

She's also asking/expecting it to be posted which again is additional faff.

FioFio · 17/05/2010 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

traceybath · 17/05/2010 18:02

Yes, Jamie - if I give a gift of clothes for a dc - I tend to buy in gap and get a gift receipt which I then pop in with the gift.

FioFio · 17/05/2010 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

upahill · 17/05/2010 18:05

Well maybe it would be easier sending vouchers in future but I think the obligation to return is with the person who bought the gift and it is better having something that is right rather than given away.

I would much much prefer this than some one sayig it's fine thanks and lying about something and making a mug out of me.

Sure it's a faff I agree but what the heck these things happen.

nigglewiggle · 17/05/2010 18:07

I can't believe some people DON'T think this is rude. It was a gift, not a legal entitlement. I think this is outrageous. I would do what Nowwearefour said and get a refund and not buy anything else.

traceybath · 17/05/2010 18:08

Greythorne - are there other issues - do you think she's lazy

fruitstick · 17/05/2010 18:09

Difficult to say.

I can imagine doing this if it was something I really really liked, but was the wrong size and I couldn't get to the shop.

If it's something I or DS wasn't that bothered about I would just say thank you and regift it.

This happens a lot as DS1 is very tall for his age but people always buy him his age. I'm not going to ask someone to take something back to Asda but if it was from a nice shop that wasn't nearby I might.

upahill · 17/05/2010 18:10

Nigglewiggle Do that and the child doesn't get a birthday present. Fantastic!!

nigglewiggle · 17/05/2010 18:10

I've taken plenty of things back that have been bought as gifts, but are the wrong size with no problems. As for the excuse that she has 4 children and might be too busy, well she must have to visit the shops to buy them clothes every now and again.

Words fail me .

Spidermama · 17/05/2010 18:10

I think you have an issue because you don't feel happy about buying presents for all four of her children. Why else would you include this information in your post.

So you need to work out how much time and money you want to spend on her children cos at the moment I think you feel you have overstretched and perhaps feel a little unappreciated. Understandably.

If I had been her I would have given the new T-shirt to someone I knew who it fitted or a charity shop. I would never ask you to take it back. Very rude.

fruitstick · 17/05/2010 18:10

I didn't mean to sound snooty about Asda, I just meant I could exchange it myself or regift it.

nigglewiggle · 17/05/2010 18:12

I'm sure the child wouldn't notice. Hopefully the rude and inconsiderate mother might and she might change her ways!

FioFio · 17/05/2010 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Spidermama · 17/05/2010 18:17

I think giving money is underrated. My kids love getting money. I often put a fiver in with the card for other kids when they have birthdays etc. They might well get some from someone else too and it means they can save up and choose something they really want.

maresedotes · 17/05/2010 18:26

She should have phoned you when she received the t-shirt, said thank you and then said it didn't fit. That way you could have a) given her the receipt to return it when you visited or b) picked up the t-shirt and done it yourself. I think it was rude to wait a few weeks before even mentioning the gift.

Original poster

Greythorne · 17/05/2010 18:55

Ok, so lots of food for thought:

paulaplumpbottom gorionin
yes, she didn't have the receipt, but it's one of those shops where they will let you exchange without one. Probably not give you a refund, but exchange, deffo.

pyjama I did not have the receipt on me, so no, did not offer it at the time. Probably can't find the receipt now anyway, because it was ages ago.

jamieandhismagictorch no, she def expects me to exchange it and send her a bigger size, because we discussed what size to get etc. You see, her DC has just turned 13 and I got age 13 - 14. When she mentioned it and it was clear she wanted me to get a bigger size, I said, I think age 13 - 14 is the biggest size they do in children's so she sort of said, oh, well can you get a refund and get something else.

spidermama I honestly don't resent buying for her children, I enjoy trying to find something they will like. I just feel a bit at this situation, but it is rreally not a AIBU by stealth in that I think I should not even have to buy the gift in the first place.

tracybath I feel like you: I was brought up to say, thanks alot, it's lovely even if it is hideous AND doesn't fit!

Thing is, she could always re-gift it, as she presumably knows lots of kids her DC's age, so it wouldn't be complicated for her to do something with the tee, even if she
couldn't be bothered didn't have time to return the thing, it wouldn't need to sit in a cupboard forever.

(runs away having opened the can of worms that is regifting)

FWIW, the reason I did not enclose the receipt in the first place is that the shop in question does 'gift receipts' but I was buying about 12 items and the cashier said it would not be possible to do 12 separate gift receipts, or rather she could but it would take ages, so i just got a normal receipt.

Maybe i am being a bit u. Dunno.

OP posts:

paulaplumpbottom · 17/05/2010 19:05

"tracybath I feel like you: I was brought up to say, thanks alot, it's lovely even if it is hideous AND doesn't fit!"

Ummm surelyy you want her son to get use out of your gift. Its not her fault it didn't fit. If I bought a gift I would want to make sure that person could use it. She isn't saying she hates it just that it doesn't fit.

LittleSilver · 17/05/2010 19:06

Rude.

rollerbaby · 17/05/2010 19:20

Of course it's rude! Someone goes to the trouble of buying a gift you don't give it back to them to go to more trouble of changing it. I would have said "little sausage loves new Tshirt but sadly it doesn't fit, would you mind me taking it back" and then see what was offered by the giver. People love their presents to be used and liked, so I suspect you might have reacted differently had she said that.

I would also be gobsmacked if someone did that to me. I have been given plenty of completely unsuitable things and just stuck them in a drawer/given them to someone else!

TabithaTwitchet · 17/05/2010 19:36

I think this is rude!

And I am just that some people seem to think it is the obligation of the giver to return the gift to the shop!

It's a present. There is no obligation - the poster didn't have to buy a present at all.

I wouldn't dream of asking anyone to return their present to me to the shop, even my closest friend or family. I might say possibly something like "thanks so much for the t shirt, it's lovely, but I think we need a bigger size. Would you mind if I took it back?"
Putting the giver to additional trouble/ hassle/ expense is just not on imo, and I'm appalled that anyone would think it was.

minxofmancunia · 17/05/2010 19:44

i always get gift reciepts when buying clothes/jewellry for people and give it to them with the pressie so they can take it back if needs be.

My Mum takes EVRYTHING back, it really pisses me off tbh I think it's a bit ungrateful so i told her in future I would just get her vouchers. She's v difficult to buy for anyway and I always spend quite a lot of cash so theatre vouchers it is from now on .

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