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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To accept a wedding invitation 8 days after my baby's due?

37 replies

Jane054848 · 17/05/2010 16:59

It's a very close friend's wedding, and is an easy 1 hour journey from home.

It's my second baby, so the chances are I will have had him by the wedding. But a. is it realistic that I'll be fit enough to go? (My first birth was complicated so I don't really have a handle on how long it takes to recover from a straightforward birth, which this one should be). And b., is it safe to take such a small baby to a crowded event (germs etc)?

I really do want to go and she really wants me there. But if it's clearly unfeasible, I'd sooner back out now so she can invite someone else.

Offending her is not an issue, she is totally understanding of whatever I decide.

Thanks!

OP posts:
withorwithoutyou · 17/05/2010 17:01

I'd say it depends on the kind of birth you have.

Doesn't help you make a decision in advance I know, sorry!

LadyBiscuit · 17/05/2010 17:01

Well you might not have given birth so I would probably say no on the grounds that most babies are not that punctual and that you might not feel up to it. I wouldn't worry about the germs though

biddysmama · 17/05/2010 17:06

yanbu

my sisters 18th is the same day baby is due and i have said i probably wont be at her party either way

mistletoekisses · 17/05/2010 17:08

TBH - I wouldn't. Delivery method aside, at 8 days old, my bubs were feeding from me pretty constantly. Plus I found that DS1 needed a lot of attention when DS2 arrived. I had plenty on my plate, getting dressed up for a wedding would have been totally overwhelming.

Oh and totally depends how you feel about your baby being passed about. People will want a cuddle with a newborn. I was much more relaxed about this with DS2 than I was with DS1. I saw a load of work colleagues when DS2 was 10 weeks old, I didnt see him all evening. But would not have been that relaxed at 8 days old!

Mowgli1970 · 17/05/2010 17:08

I wouldn't accept. Too many what ifs...If you're well enough on the day, then you could go to the ceremony and wish them well, but I think the reception would be a no.

Francagoestohollywood · 17/05/2010 17:10

I recovered very quickly from my second child's birth, so I'd have been fit to attend a wedding of a dear friend.

If I was your friend, I'd be leaving you total freedom in deciding if you'll attend or not on a last minute basis!

StealthPolarBear · 17/05/2010 17:13

We went to a family wedding when DS was 10 days old, but only to the ceremony and pre reception drinks then we left. That was fine - wouldn't hvae liked to have stayed all day. Was about an hour or so away

MumInBeds · 17/05/2010 17:16

If you have someone you trust completely to care for you, your baby your older child at the wedding then go for it, my ds (first baby) was 6 days old when we went to my BIL's wedding, I needed to pop away to feed him several times but it still worked well.

Original poster
Jane054848 · 17/05/2010 17:19

Hmmm. Thank you everyone. Looking at your responses, I have a feeling that the reason I can't make a decision is because what I want to do and what is sensible don't coincide.

I think SPB's suggestion of just going for the ceremony and drinks is good - I feel gutted at the thought of not being there for the whole thing now - but will probably feel v differently at the time. And that way if I pull out at the last minute it won't cost her anything.

Though when I read your post MIB, I'm tempted to be optimistic and go for broke...

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 17/05/2010 17:20

I would pass on the reception. You may be late. Or you could have any kind of complication. And you would end up completely knackered no matter what, and still have DC1 to deal with afterwards.

If you do go, then just turn up for the ceremony and to say hello, but don't put your name down for the dinner.

I personally was just about at the point where I could walk upright again when DC2 was about a week old.

sockmonkey · 17/05/2010 17:29

If you are anything like me, baby may not even have been born 8 days after due date.

I like the idea of going to the ceremony only.

wishingchair · 17/05/2010 17:30

My 2nd baby was 10 days late

Trafficcone · 17/05/2010 17:34

I'd have gone. The day after my second was born I did a full weeks shopping in Sainsburys, the school run, and the housework. A wedding would be far less taxing. 90% of it is spent sitting down!
Go for it!!

weegiemum · 17/05/2010 17:35

I could easily have managed a wedding when ds (dc2) was 8 days old - and even better, he was 9 days early!

But with dd2 (dc3) I wasn't going anywhere for weeks.

Hard to know really.

Also, you can't guarantee a subsequent child will be early!! Mine got earlier with each child but I understand that's unusual!!

emsyj · 17/05/2010 17:36

If you were my friend I would just pay for your dinner etc and say 'do what you feel like on the day'. I'd put you on a table and assume you were coming but not be offended or upset if you ducked off after the ceremony/drinks/didn't turn up at all if you weren't feeling up to it. This is quite acceptable if you are very close friends. Not perhaps if you were a work colleague or a distant friend that the bride sees once a year, but for close friends this would be my approach as the bride.

Francagoestohollywood · 17/05/2010 17:36

But if baby's late you can deffo go, no?

MumInBeds · 17/05/2010 17:38

I know I said go or it but looking back I agree with those who suggest leaving your options open by aiming for ceremony and drinks only. My BIL's wedding was buffet food so no losses if I couldn't go iyswim.

Chat it through with your friend though, she might have a suggestion.

kickassangel · 17/05/2010 17:38

are you able to say yes, but back out at the last minute? i've been to weddings where people were a no show at the last minute cos of illness, it means there's an empty place at a table, but is that really such a big deal?

there are people who could have a baby & be doing the school run the next morning - others who are in hospital for a week, or the baby could come 8 days late. there is no predicting it, so if your friend is flexible, then plan to go, but knowing that it may not work out.

BadPoet · 17/05/2010 17:42

I was in a similar situation. My cousin's wedding was a week after my due date with my second, first had arrived a few days early so I really swithered but eventually declined - so they would have their numbers.

Just as well really, as ds arrived at 10pm the day before the wedding. So I'd decline unless it wasn't a problem you backing out at last minute

PatriciaHolm · 17/05/2010 17:46

Well - I could easily have done so, I went out to dinner when DD was 5 days old and lunch when DS was 3 days (took them!). But I had 2 elective sections, and recovered very well. Would your friend be OK if you accepted now but had to pull out if you felt you couldn't make it?

MumNWLondon · 17/05/2010 18:27

Depends on what sort of birth, I gave birth to DC3 at 6.43am on saturday morning ( week early) and honestly I would have been fine to go to a wedding that evening - as long as DH there to look after me and baby!

So a wedding 8 days after due date would have been totally fine. Would have been upset had I declined IYSWIM.

dizzydixies · 17/05/2010 18:31

lordy, I couldn't even sit 8 days after DD1 and DD2 was 5 days late and I was still in hosp a week later!! I wouldn't but then I never managed to have a simple birth for any of mine

could you decline but if you're feel well enough attend at the ceremony? a friend of ours did that with her twins and I loved the fact she'd made an effort to come with a horseshoe and the babies

Willabywallaby · 17/05/2010 18:39

I managed me brother's wedding when DS2 was 3 days old, but we had a room at the reception venue I spent a lot of time in. It meant a lot for me to be there, didn't quite manage the reading he wanted me to do though.

LittleSilver · 17/05/2010 18:46

I would go, or aim to go at least. but then have always bounced back after birth. Why not play it by ear, sounds as if you have a good friend there who won't mind!

melpomene · 17/05/2010 19:35

I think you should accept but make your friend aware that it all depends on how you are feeling at the time of the wedding, and you may not be able to make it. If she's a very close friend then hopefully she should understand.

Your baby may arrive early or on time, with a straightforward labour, and you may be back to strength in time for the wedding. Or alternatively the baby may be only a couple of days old, or you could even give birth on the day.

If it's possible you'll go, think well in advance about what you could wear to suit the occasion and allow for bfing etc. You don't want to be panicking about an outfit at the last minute.

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