To accept a wedding invitation 8 days after my baby's due?

[Jane054848]

It's a very close friend's wedding, and is an easy 1 hour journey from home.

It's my second baby, so the chances are I will have had him by the wedding. But a. is it realistic that I'll be fit enough to go? (My first birth was complicated so I don't really have a handle on how long it takes to recover from a straightforward birth, which this one should be). And b., is it safe to take such a small baby to a crowded event (germs etc)?

I really do want to go and she really wants me there. But if it's clearly unfeasible, I'd sooner back out now so she can invite someone else.

Offending her is not an issue, she is totally understanding of whatever I decide.

Thanks!

I was invited to a wedding 5 days after my due date for DC2. I had had a complicated delivery/ SCBU stint with DC1 so was in a bit of a predicament. I discussed with the bride and remembering the headache of table plans etc from my own wedding I opted to accept invitation for ceremony and champagne and canapes but not for the dinner and dancing.
In the end I had mastisis so couldn't go, but she wasn't too inconvenienced- but it was a bit sad for me!!

By the way, if the babe is due 8 days before the wedding, there is a chance it still might not have arrived then or you will be mid push while everyone is going to be scoffing vol au vents. Never mind the ins and outs of the children or no children thing (by the way I had hoards of them at my wedding and they were hilarious, really brightened up the day in more ways than one!).... are you being realistic about being able to/wanting to attend?

Im sure as a true friend he wont mind a last minute decision.

See how you feel. If late I would still go...maternity bag in the boot!

If baby born see how you go. If you can manage only the ceremony thats the main part.

I had a very straightforward birth with ds and was out and about as soon as we were home from the hospital. However you have no idea how it will go so I agree with the others that you plan to go for the ceremony and not the reception. If it's anything like our wedding your friend will probably have a couple of people drop out close to the date so if you do feel up to it then there may well be space for you at the reception anyway.

I accepted a wedding invite for 4 days after my 2nd child was due. As I'd known the wedding date 2 years previously I felt a bit guilty not to ... The wedding was v. close to my house though (5 minutes drive).

And DD was 10 days late.

I think I would back out.

My first DC was born 6 days before the due date. My second was born 11 days AFTER the due date. So there is no way of knowing if you'll have had the baby by then. And if you haven't had it by then, then you will a week overdue and probably not feeling your best. Equally, if you HAVE had it by then, you probably won't be feeling your best anyway.

I bounced back from the births pretty easily physically speaking (no tears or anything 2nd time around) but the tiredness was unreal!

PS meant to say - could you accept the invite to the ceremony bit (like negligentmummy mentioned) but politely decline the evening "do"?

I was out of hospital within hours of delivery and pottering around doing normal stuff really quickly. But I don't think I would have fancied going to any kind of "event" in those first few weeks

I went to a friend's wedding 6 days after DS was born (PFB). It was fab to be able to show him off and the Bride and Groom were so excited that we went. BUT DS was handed around to everyone - including great great aunty doris and all the bride and grooms family. Persoanlly, I'm fine with that, but if you don't want to share the baby around, it could get a bit distressing for you.

BTW DS slept through pretty much all of it - although I did have to breastfeed him during the service to keep him quiet!

Find out from your friend if she can accept a 'definite maybe' as a reply or whether she needs to know for seating plans etc at the reception, because if it's a buffet-style meal and people sitting where they like then there shouldn't be any inconvenience or unnecessary cost to the bridal couple. If it's a sit-down dinner, as others have said, say you'll go to the ceremony/drinks if you can.
Because at 8 days overdue you might well be in labour on the day...
FWIW when I was PG with my DS, my dance team had a weekend party organised over my due date, and all summer the agreement was that I would go along if I could but it was impossible to guarantee my presence: I went, had fun and DS didn't arrive ti ll a week later, but it really is't predictable.

Thanks all. She has said I can back out at the last minute, but it is a very small (25 people), very upscale wedding - so if we backed out it would be a huge gap in the numbers and waste about £500 of her money.

I've decided to go for the ceremony and drinks only option. Thank you very much for your advice, you've really helped me make a decision after weeks of dithering.