AIBU or " PARANOID"?

[OTTMummA]

Went to pick up DS from nursery a few days ago after DH picked him up the day before and found the front door open, not wide open, but not locked.
anywho, walking upto the door ( has a big front drive ) and a man came out of the front door with a child, we had just turned into the drive and said " do you want me to leave it open? "
Now i know he was just being friendly and helpful, but i was actually quite shocked and annoyed ( had a rather unpleasant day aswell ) and said to him you shouldn't do that, you don't know who we are - he just laughed in my face and said, "god paranoid or what!"
well that just pissed me off even more and i just sighed and walked past him.
when we got to the door no one was there, and we walked inside and told the manager etc, she seemed very concerned, and have noticed this morning that they have put up a massive notice for parents etc about closing doors etc, so am happy about that, but after having a lot of anxiety issues rgds to my DS safety im not sure if i over reacted and am being Paranoid?! or If my first reaction was correct, i honestly feel like finding the man and shaking him in anger/frustration to try and get it into his head how fucking dangerous that attitude is.
I don't know, i just can't let it go, i am over protective, but im aloud to be arn't i?
I don't smother my son in anyway, its me that sufferes with the worrying, constant, non stop, i haven't slept or thought the same since having him, i just wish people weren't so flippant about their child/rens safety, in a way i start to worry about them aswell .
The fact is, he didn't know who we were or what we were doing there, yet he just left the door wide open for us!
i feel sad about it.

I would try to stop tbe two hourly phone calls if I were you. It takes staff away from the children, and also makes you look like a crank. I would be concerned this would make them less likely to alert you if he seemed slightly not himself, as they wouldn't want to cope with the waing and gnashing of teeth which they'd assume would ensue. It is difficult for women who have developed a reputation as over-anxious and paranoid to get their genuine concerns taken seriously. People unfortunately veer towards a 'boy who cried wolf' scenario and act dismissively.

All this tension and fear will impact negatively on your son if you don't fight to overcome it- so good luck with your therapy, please keep trying your hardest, so that life is a bit happier for you both.

You seriously need help. This is ridiculous. Keep up the therapy and try to use some common sense in future - you were walking into the nursery and would have seen any child wandering out. The guy was not thinking along the lines of abduction or paedophiles and, frankly, neither should you have been.

The risks remain very low and abduction from nursery is not common. Get a grip. Your son will suffer from this paranoia if you don't quickly learn to control it.

No the parent did not notice she was chatting to her friend obliviously i agree op is extreme in her thinking but want to highlight that sometimes not everybody is on the ball

I am glad you are getting help OP. I confess to an interest here, as I was bawled out by someone at my DD's nursery, not for letting someone else in behind me, but for looking just a mite put out when this mother actively slammed the nursery door in my face shouting 'I CAN'T let you in' (as opposed to 'would you mind if I let the door close between us' or whatever). When people are so paranoid that they let their fears come above common politeness and common sense,
then yes there is a problem.

Clearly road danger etc are a problem, but seriously, from this man's perspective - what are the chances of the mother following you into nursery being a crazed paedophile/murderer/etc, especially when you probably recognise her and her child in any case?! Agree with the poster who said being struck by lightening is more likely.

To the person who said you can't take safety too seriously - oh but you can - if as in this case it takes over your life and threatens to make your children scared to live a normal life because of all the nasty scary horrors that lie in wait behind every corner. We all have irrational fears about our children, but it is down to us to keep them in check, for the benefit of our children. When 'safety above everything' means abandoning any rational calculation of risk, we all lose out, as relations of social trust and assistance become replaced by an atmosphere of hostility and suspicion. That is a much grimmer prospect than any of the vanishingly unlikely horrors mentioned in this thread.

YABU. You also sound aggressive and slightly hysterical.

Very well said, libelulle.

my son has only been there for 3 weeks, so i don't know any other parents, and i have an excellent memory, i had never seen this man before or his child, so she was probably in a different age group to my DS.
I do get hysterical internally about it, this is the only subject that gets me aggrivated and verbally agressive, although i actually was initially polite to the man in question.
A lot of you don't seem to understand the extent of my anxiety, which is fine, but please avoid insulting me.
My son is perfectly fine, he hasn't been affected by my anxiety (yet), he is regularly assesed, and is a happy little boy and i am so much not wanting to damage him in anyway i take a lot of extra steps and measures to ensure this.
This is also why im getting help so it doesn't become a problem later on.

"YANBU, or paranoid.. the guy is a twat"

How is the man being a twat? by the OP's own admission he was trying to be friendly and helpfull and she replied in an annoyed fashion and gave out to him. He then laughed it off and remained good natured when he'd just gotten a pretty poor reaction from someone he tried to help.
One person in the op's story acted poorly and that was her.

I was not rude, he laughed in my face and pulled a face when he said " paranoid or what? ". i just sighed and walked away.
I wasn't actually agressive or moany at him, i just pointed it out to him.

I don't think i was wrong to point that out to him.

I also live near hungerford, you don't forget things like that.
I give up, i just hope some of your children don't attend my childs nursery.

with respect OTTMummA, none of us would be questioning your response if you'd baulked at seeing a man walking in with two semi-automatic weapons and a handgun, as per the Hungerford massacre. That's a completely irrelevant observation.

Yes, you weren't packing heat, were you? Would it have been reasonable for him to assume you were?

Still, good luck with your therapy, and' please try to take on board some of the comments about the two-hourly phone calls too. Perhaps you could wean yourself to twice a day as a first aim?

The problem is OP that on the one hand you are saying you know you have anxiety problems and are getting help, but on the other hand are unable to take on board the people here telling you that this particular anxiety is over the top.

Re Hungerford - if Michael Ryan or whatever his name was had had a semi-automatic weapon then honestly I don't think he'd have needed someone to hold the door open for him!!! If someone is truly determined to do harm, no safety features in the world are going to stop him or her, short of sequestering your children in a padded cell on a desert island.

On the other hand, you can make the choice to not walk around assuming that every other adult you see is likely to cause harm to your children. That man behind you would clearly, like a lot of us, prefer to assume that you are a decent human being. If you're thinking of dread scenarios, then really you don't need paedophiles or murderers - any of us could end up under a bus at any time, and in the meantime you'll have a nicer life if you try to see the best in the world rather than evil at every turn.

your reaction is more symptomatic of underlying anxiety issues than the mans actions.you are globally transposing his actions to mean everyone child is at risk when in actuality this isnt so

you are sensitised and sensitive to perception of risk.

discuss this in your therapy

News from China:
"A knife-wielding man stabbed seven children and a teacher to death at a kindergarten in China earlier today, the latest in a string of attacks on the country?s youngest pupils.

The man wounded 20 others before killing himself. It was the fifth violent assault on schoolchildren in China in less than two months."

A few years ago in Britain:
"Lisa Potts, 21, a nursery nurse, was injured when she tried to defend the children. From hospital yesterday she described her horror as she saw the intruder. "There was a lot of screaming - and a man came lunging towards me, but he was laughing."

She added: "I grabbed a child under each arm and ran back towards the nursery, but he pulled me back and hit me on the back of the head."

Lightning strikes - Wiki:
"About 2,000 people are injured by lightning strikes around the world each year."

Well done, Tiggy. Thoughtful contribution to a thread started by someone seeking therapy for anxiety issues

Yes but for crying out loud none of these people would be put off by some parent saying 'oh I'm terribly sorry I'm not letting you in'!!! If someone is determined enough to do something that dreadful, then really nothing will stop them, short of turning nurseries into fort knox. Personally I'd rather my daughter have a nice time at nursery finding out that the world is a fascinating place, rather than lock her behind 8 foot gates and steel doors with security guards! You really need to get a sense of perspective here...

It was a post in response to everybody who says "It'll never happen". It almost certainly won't and will be even less likely if people don't let strangers into nurseries. Custody issues are much more likely to be a problem.

You are getting some sort of perverse pleasure out of feeding hysteria and encouraging people to rubber-neck with glee at the very worst of human behaviour. Do you read misery memoirs in the bath? What possible benefit is there in introducing that desperately sad story from China just to prove the entirely inarguable point that Bad Shit Happens?

FFS.

somewhere in the world someone died choking on toothbrush.should we ban toothbrushes?no.a healthy perspective on risk is required

every day we undertake activities that at some point may have potential risk.risk can never be completely excluded or eradicated.one seeks for management and awareness of risk.be aware of gradation of risk too

To prove that bad shit happens.

Because some people keep saying that bad shit never happens and you can just let anybody you don't know into a nursery.

Tiggy - No they don't, sweetheart. Wouldn't you be happier on NetMums?

Scottish -

you thought you'd share alarmist shit with a lady struggling with anxiety disorder

Nice

thoughtful

you know what at some point someone may explore reality testing and positive risk taking with the op.

but it sure doesn't have to be you

If someone held the door open for me I'd say thank you, I've come to collect X from the baby room or whatever. But I wouldn't hold the door open for someone unless I recognised them.

I am not remotely paranoid - I leave the DC in the garden alone and in the car when I go to pay for petrol. I even go upstairs to the neighbours because the baby monitor works up there.

I am not worried about psychos but I know children who are at serious risk of physical and sexual abuse from members of their family and whose location has to be kept a secret so perhaps I'm a bit more sensitive than most.

And I don't know all the parents at the nursery - we all arrive and leave at different times and there are different rooms.

Having said all that, OP, you seriously need to get some more help and stop phoning the nursery every two hours. If you trust them to look after your child, then you trust them. If you don't, take them out of nursery.