AIBU or " PARANOID"?

[OTTMummA]

Went to pick up DS from nursery a few days ago after DH picked him up the day before and found the front door open, not wide open, but not locked.
anywho, walking upto the door ( has a big front drive ) and a man came out of the front door with a child, we had just turned into the drive and said " do you want me to leave it open? "
Now i know he was just being friendly and helpful, but i was actually quite shocked and annoyed ( had a rather unpleasant day aswell ) and said to him you shouldn't do that, you don't know who we are - he just laughed in my face and said, "god paranoid or what!"
well that just pissed me off even more and i just sighed and walked past him.
when we got to the door no one was there, and we walked inside and told the manager etc, she seemed very concerned, and have noticed this morning that they have put up a massive notice for parents etc about closing doors etc, so am happy about that, but after having a lot of anxiety issues rgds to my DS safety im not sure if i over reacted and am being Paranoid?! or If my first reaction was correct, i honestly feel like finding the man and shaking him in anger/frustration to try and get it into his head how fucking dangerous that attitude is.
I don't know, i just can't let it go, i am over protective, but im aloud to be arn't i?
I don't smother my son in anyway, its me that sufferes with the worrying, constant, non stop, i haven't slept or thought the same since having him, i just wish people weren't so flippant about their child/rens safety, in a way i start to worry about them aswell .
The fact is, he didn't know who we were or what we were doing there, yet he just left the door wide open for us!
i feel sad about it.

It is good that you are getting help.

I think you need to talk to your therapist about this specifically.

Your reaction is totally over the top and really you need to recognise this so you can deal with it.

You also need to understand that calling your sons nursery every 2 hours will not get him more attention - it will just annoy them and if it's a nursery teacher having to answer it, then it will take her time away from all of the children, yours included. If it is someone in an office all they will do is think 'oh god, it's her again'. You are not helping yourself or your. son

I'm sorry you see so much danger in your everyday life - it must be very stressful. Good luck with the therapy.

I can see where you're coming from. You and your DH do everything you can to keep your DS safe, and it just seems so unfair that his fate may be in the hands of someone you have no control over.

To say that you got to the point where you were going to end it is so sad. I can understand the way you don't trust anyone, but your DS trusts and loves you, and all you can do is look out the best you can for him, it's the only thing all of us can do for our children.

I think the fact that you're getting help to try and put things in perspective is the main thing and very brave. The nursery will understand that ringing them puts your mind at rest a little bit, and if they don't...sod 'em

Many people are missing a point. If the door is left open, there's far more chance that a child could wander out unseen and get into trouble.

The nursery that my dcs went to was right next to a busy road, without a gate or barrier.

I would be worried about an adult leaving the dorr open and a child getting killed, rather than some random paedo.

He was being friendly. I think you are being paranoid but from this "I can't actually comprehend people who don't take things like this seriously." I you only want to hear from people who agree with you.

Don't forget that a large dog could run in through the briefly open door too.

YANBU or paranoid in the sense that it is seen as a negative trait.

I have been able to take my child from school without anyone knowing and was brought the wrong child when I was called to say mine was ill. It wasn't mine but a child with the same first name. Both were genuine mistakes rather than negligence but there is still that what if? worrying scenario. My children are a kidnap risk so I am probably even more of a worrier than I might be.

I think no one should worry what anyone else thinks when it comes to their child. You go against your instinct because of someone else but if the worse happens you have to live with that. This other person won't even be on your radar.

The one in 200 or whatever is just bollocks. If it is your child that is that 1 it really doesn't matter what the statistic is.

There is nothing wrong with being protective of your children.

The nursery is actually on a rd where someone i knew got knocked of his bike and died, hadn't thought about that.
oh great,.

By the sounds of it ILove, the issue isn't with the door or the bloke at all, they just sound like examples of how the OP feels.

Most Mums worry about the things the OP worries about, but are able to rationalise them, weighing up the risks and benefits to their children. It's only a small step to let those thoughts overwhelm you and to take over how you see the world around your child.

I don't see anything wrong with the OP wanting someone else to acknowledge her fears, everyone fears for their child, she just needs to learn how to deal with those fears and is doing that with therapy.

ILovePlayingDart

I am not sure they are missing the point tbh.

A lot of things could happen if the door is left open. But the OP told the nursery and they have taken steps to ensure that the building is more secure.

But endlessly worrying about the what ifs and still being angry and upset ( plus the whole phoning the nursery every two hours thing) is excessive and unreasonable.

Like others have said, fair enough re the guy holding the door open (though i would have said thanks and just mentioned something to the nursery tbh)

Now, I have anxiety problems and I also believe that there is nothing wrong with 'worrying' about your child.

It sounds like it is taking over your life though, it sounds like you are working yourself up in to a frenzy thinking now of all the things that could, possibly, happen. The thing is that we could all do this about everything in life- everything in life carries some level of risk, obsessing about it doesnt stop that risk being there it just stops you enjoying life while you can.

So in the situation with the nurserry - youve done what you can to ensure no kids can get out. Thats all you can do, Therefore, stop thinking about what ifs. Do not start thinking about the person on the bike / dogs/ guns / abducters etc etc etc there is nothing else you can do so what exactly is worrying going to acheive? Seriously?

I absolutely find it over the top, Hopeforthebest. My son isn't in a nursery yet, but I am looking for one right now.

Honestly, I think rules like that would make me change my mind. Talk about paranoia.

In terms of the actual situation, YANBU. He should have shut the door (although he was just being friendly) and he shouldn't have been rude to you when you reminded him.

You correctly reported to the manager and she has correctly taken action.

That should be the end of the story - you handled well.

I think your ongoing anxiety isn't reasonable, but it sounds as though you know that already, since you're already having therapy. It must be a horrid feeling to be so anxious all the time, and I really hope your therapy helps you feel more relaxed soon. Good luck

actually i think you're being unreasonable AND paranoid

maybe the guy recognised you, maybe he knew you were a parent.

I think if someone WANTED to get in and kill a load of people they'd do so regardless of whether the door was locked or not

he was just being polite. you made your point, you've spoken to the nursery who have taken it on board. now forget about it

"Sure, the chances of anything happening are small.. but we're not talking stranger kidnap here.. how you do know you're not admitting a parent who no longer has access to their child.. one who isnt permitted to collect their child because of divorce or whatever?"

well then the nursery staff would know wouldn't they???
and if they didn't it still wouldn't matter if you had let them in or not because if you didn't they'd just knock on the door and say "i';m here to collect X"

Calling the nursery every two hours is...er...well, crazy, really. If your son will fall ill they will call you. What do you think you're achieving by bothering them all the time? I understand that you suffer from anxiety, but this, frankly borders on madness and also is direspectful of the time of the staff.

Wrt guy,perhaps he recognised you? I think it's good that they have put up a notice to remind the parents to lock the door, but really, to jump on the poor guy because he was politely holding the door open for you and because it didn't occur to him the the woman (that he might have seen many times picking up her son) with a child is a homicidal psycho about to shoot up the place- sorry, but it's too much.

So, YABVU, but obviously it all stems from your anxiety issues. Hope the therapy will help.

YANBU

Nobody should be let into a nursery without the staff being aware.

If somebody wants to snatch a random child it's not hard. Just find a mum in the street with a child and push her over and take them. The main problem nurseries face are:

• nutters/drunks/addicts - unlikely but I did used to work in Hungerford so I bear it in mind. I also worked in a nursery with a looney/angry neighbour who had been violent in the past.
• Parents with custody issues are more common. I used to look after a child who was removed from their parents and adopted by somebody else. If their old parents had turned up...

I've shut the door on parents before because I didn't know them. If you don't like the idea of that happening I suggest you go to somewhere where they care less about the safety of your children.

Calling the nursery every two hours must drive them crazy, why leave your child if you are not happy with the care?

You wont be able to do that when your child starts school.

Oh, and a nursery in my town did leave the door open and had a few children wander off down the street the other year.

this isn't a situation where a child is going to escape though is it???

you were walking towards the door, a guy held it open. IF a child had run out, one of you would have stopped them

it isn;t a case of the door being left wide open the entire time

thisisyesterday I was taking ds2 to nursery last week and the session starts at 12:45 parents are all let in together however all leave at differing paces. The children go into four separate classrooms to register then have ten minutes before being allowed into the other classrooms. As I bent to tie the shoelace of a child I child mind I watched in horror as a parent coming in held the door for a parent going out who was being followed by a child who had been dropped at nursery. I recognised the child as I had stayed for an open afternoon the week before and luckily she recognised me and was happy to come with me back inside but I dread to think what would have happened if she had not come with me as the time taken for the receptionist to get to the door probably a minute or two at most may have been to late to stop that child getting into the road.