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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed that I have just been 'told off' for taking DD home from a BBQ??

40 replies

DaydreamDolly · 15/05/2010 20:01

Have just been at a 1st birthday bbq, held by lovely friends who are great fun, and their 'kiddie' bbq's always overlap into the night and the kids go to bed whilst the adults get drunk
Anyway, DD is 10 months old, and is RUBBISH at settling in unfamiliar circumstances with lots of people around (don't blame her) and as DH was at a work thing all day, and I was on my own, I decided we would leave the bbq at 6.30pm so I could bath and put DD to bed as usual.
There was a pushy lady there, trying to be helpful I'm sure, but when I said I was leaving, she told me not to, that I should borrow pyjama's, use friends babys milk and bottles, put DD to sleep in her pushchair and stay for the fun.
I said, ah no, she won't settle and it won't be fun for either of us - to which she replied 'Make her settle, and don't take no for an answer' (in highly patronising way)
Earlier in the day, she had kindly noticed I hadn't had a chance to eat anything, so offered to take DD whilst I got fed. DD doesn't know her from Adam, and got really upset. I don't want DD upset so went to take her back and was told, 'Do not give in, it won't hurt her to scream for a bit'
Now, I wasn't that bluddy hungry anyway and felt forced into giving DD over, then she basically refused to let me have her back when she got upset! After a few more minutes of my poor little thing crying with tears streaming down her face, I took her, and was told I had given up too easily. I felt like I was doing something wrong!!
I am not an insecure paranoid mother, but I bet she thinks I am! She certainly made me feel like I was!
Do you think I am?! Would you have stayed, or AIBU?

OP posts:
KorkiiEffenkrakers · 15/05/2010 20:03

If I wanted to go home from anything I would just go. No one else's business. You know your own child, she does not.

thisisyesterday · 15/05/2010 20:03

no, i woujldn't have stayed
she is your child, you know what she needs and you did it
pat yourself on the back for being a responsive mum, and try and forget about the interfering old hag!

Greensleeves · 15/05/2010 20:03

woman is bonkers

you have done nothing wrong at all

don't take it to heart! I know it's hard not to when you feel criticised, but honestly, sometimes people are just barking - this is one of those occasions

LynetteScavo · 15/05/2010 20:04

No I would not have stayed!

YANBU!

Sorry you met such an over bearing nutter!

londonmackem · 15/05/2010 20:06

I wouldn't have stayed if like you I was on my own (as you have to do all the work!). We went to a similar event recently and did borrow a babygrow and let DS sleep in host's cot but he doesn't care. We stayed until about 9.30.
If he wasn't the settling type then no i wouldn't stay as, as you point out, not much fun being stuck with an upset child in someone else's house.
We did have a lot of fun though (felt very poorly the next day!).

bearcrumble · 15/05/2010 20:06

YANBU. She sounds like an awful woman. How dare she. Seriously, "Do not give in" - who does she think she is?

Poor you and poor daughter.

Also, try not to care what she thinks of you, she's wrong in her ideas about parenting - you are right.

MadamDeathstare · 15/05/2010 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FakePlasticTrees · 15/05/2010 20:11

if you see her again, (and she's like this again) smile your best patronising smile and say "look love, your no Jo Frost, so stop with the supernanny impression"

Original poster
DaydreamDolly · 15/05/2010 20:12

Thank you all so much, I was fretting a bit that they would be talking about me, but you're right, I have nothing to be embarassed about, I did the best thing by leaving.
London, lucky you, if DD was easily settled I would have stayed too, but she was pretty overwhelmed anyway by lots of strange people, and her kidnapping episode I've often wished for a sleep anywhere type baby.
When we left I just felt like I wanted to cuddle and cuddle DD and apologise for the nasty lady now that is pathetic!

OP posts:
smallorange · 15/05/2010 20:12

Ach you just do what works for you.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 15/05/2010 20:13

YANBU.

Your baby, your decision. I would have taken her and left when it suited me.

Greensleeves · 15/05/2010 20:13

LOL at "just look at her blankly", I always feel utterly withered when anyone does that to me

TheCrackFox · 15/05/2010 20:28

YANBU

The woman sounds like she has been watching far too much Supernanny.

FWIW I had one baby who was very adaptable and could fall asleep anywhere and one that could only fall asleep in his own home. It has noything to so with "do not give in" it is all to do with the fact that babies are born with their own personality.

AndieWalsh · 15/05/2010 20:30

YANBU. Your child, your life, your decision. Forget about this woman.

sunshiney · 15/05/2010 20:38

woman sounds infuriating. i just do not know how some people's minds work.

don't worry about it, i don't know how anyone could have handled that situation smoothly, i know i couldn't.

cornsillkwearsclogs · 15/05/2010 20:43

Silly woman. When ds was only a few weeks old 2 old ladies (who I didn't know) took him off me at a friend's party and they sat with him for ages. He didn't cry at all and sat on their knee quite happily, but I wanted him back! They wouldn't hand him over as he was quite happy and I was made out to be an anxious mother!

GeekOfTheWeek · 15/05/2010 20:43

YANBU

Think my response would have been along the lines of 'FGS don't you ever shut up and mind your own'

Shaz10 · 15/05/2010 20:46

I have a phrase practiced that I have thankfully never had to use.

(with acknowledgements to Dawn French in Psychoville)

"Sorry Gina."
Annoying person: "Gina?"
"Oh, I thought you were Gina Ford".

If someone uses it, can you let me know how it goes?

Original poster
DaydreamDolly · 15/05/2010 20:47

Cornsilk I can totally empathise as that's how I was made to feel too! Lol at Madam and Fakeplastic trees

OP posts:
Original poster
DaydreamDolly · 15/05/2010 20:49

Shaz, I'm dying to use that on her now! Almost tempted to wake DD and go back

OP posts:
Kathyjelly · 15/05/2010 20:52

Uhmmm...did this lady fancy you? Just a thought!

choosyfloosy · 15/05/2010 20:57

How completely bizarre. Does this lady have children? Clearly she thinks she's brilliant with kids, in a way I associate with the childless - I always thought I was great with children until I had my own. I think you handled that remarkably well given that you were dealing with an insensitive oaf awareness-challenged individual.

DetectivePotato · 15/05/2010 20:59

Love that Shaz would love an opportunity to use it!

OP, YANBU. I would have left too. DS wouldn't have settled in this situation. What is the point in staying and getting your DC and you wound up, hardly makes for an enjoyable evening.

This woman was an interferring bat, "giving in?" What to your child not wanting to be held by a perfect stranger? I would think most children would react that way, I know DS certainly would,

ChocolateMoose · 15/05/2010 21:06

If someone refused to give me my baby back when he was crying, I would be livid. Certainly don't let this woman make you doubt yourself, you knew your daughter and put her needs first. Hope she didn't totally spoil your afternoon.

iwasyoungonce · 15/05/2010 21:07

YA sooooooooooooo NBU. Woman is a mad interfering old bat. You sound like a great mum. Since when is putting your child's needs first "giving in to them"?

I hate these bloody people who think they know best.