AIBU to think teacher should have told me not another adult?

[mumbar]

Ok prepared to be flamed here.

On Friday I collected DS 5 from after school club (ASC) which is run from the sure start centre for 4 local schools in local area. ASC leader said teacher had asked het to tell me DS had had a bad day and been in trouble. (they have a sad side thing)

Last week a child pushed my DS into a table and bruised and cut his ribcage and the teacher didn't tell me or his mum this. I did get an accident form saying he'd 'bumped himself!'

AIBU to think the teacher should be talking to me and not telling another adult about this?

No - of course YANBU! Speak to the teacher pronto and find out what's been going on

If it was a Friday, and you were not picking your DS up from school but from after-school care which is not held at your DS's school, when was the teacher meant to speak directly to you? Were you expecting her to wait until you picked your DS up so that she could tell you herself?

thanks tough lol. Yes DS does get worried about being in trouble but on this ocassion it was actually made worse as he had to listen to adults telling each other and he ended up in tears.

My point about the 'bump' was the teacher did't seem to need to tell me about when my DS had been injured or tell the boys mum he had actually hurt another child yet she tells another adult he has been in trouble for something minor as I need to know!

Did feel better tho when asc leader said she was surprised as she has never known DS do anything wrong.

Glad he seems to save the questionable behaviour for me then lol

sleeping lion I never pick him up or take him (working mum) but I have a phone and she could have rung me when he had left as I work in a school and she knows she can get me on my mobile after school ends.

Hmm, I am a working mum too and wouldn't expect the teacher to ring me - as a teacher myself, I can't imagine my life if I were expected to phone the parents of all my students any time there was a minor problem.

DS often comes home with the 'bumped head' form in his book bag and his teacher will add a little note in his diary if she feels one is necessary. If I have any concerns I will ring the school and make an appointment to see her (so, over the incident with the other child pushing your DS, for example) but would not expect her to ring me unless she had major concerns. In fact in the 3 years DS has been at school, the only time I have had a phone call from them is if he has been unwell and they need me to pick him up.

So I do think you are being a bit unreasonable but if it bothers you, ring the school and make an appointment to discuss your concerns.

Oh sorry sleepinlion I don't think I am making my self clear. I am not saying teacher should have rung me about bruised rib but that I thought that would have been more important than my DS being on sad side for not listening. And if the teacher felt it was important for me to know surely she should have rung me not got another adult to 'pass on a message'. If it wasn't that important surely she should have said nothing?

I am really interested in your opinion as I asked a friend also a teacher and she said she never tells anyone but a parent something they feel a parent should know and rings if they don't do pick up etc and that her dd's school would ring her and not tell childminder.

I want to get as much opinion as possible to avoid making a tit out of myself!!

As a teacher could you tell me what the confidentiality rules are about this? I am an LSA in a special school and we are not allowed to tell escorts this sort of info as its confidential we would ring or write in home school diary.

Thanks for your time.

Hi mumbar

I'm a teacher and I don't think I'd pass on a message about poor behaviour via another adult. As you say- if it's important I'd speak to the parent and if not I'd leave it.

I'm a teacher and I wouldn't.
I'd phone if it was important and the parent wasn't collecting.

I think the teacher should have put a note in your DSes bag if she felt the need to tell you that. ALthough I don't think it is enough of a big deal to tell you about at all.

DS1's class has a cloud system. The teacher does not inform me every time he is put on the cloud. Or any other parent about their child for that matter.

Thanks guys It's pretty much what my closest friend and mum (both teachers) said but as they have a very close bond with DS thought I'd better seek some impartial advice.

I'm pretty sure it was minor as message was 'he had a bad day as he had to be put on cloud for not listening'. DS says it was only once and he's always been honest before when on cloud (last time about 3 months ago). Not sure how much I can rely on his explanation though as he said he was listening but was too slow!!

I think I will ring teacher to check what actually happened as DS suffers recurrent glue ear so can have periods of not hearing instructions when its noisy and it always seems to set off a pattern of him getting into trouble and having to go on the cloud for not listening daily and maybe teacher is concerned we are heading this way again. It is possible as he does have a cold at the moment.

Oh eglu same school perhaps??

I wouldn't be happy with that and would ask to speak to to teacher and for her explanation on why she though it was appropriate to share this information with someone other than his parents.
I'm sure Ofstead are interested in instances where documents such a accidents forms are falsified, a bruise and cut are not simple bumps and should be recorded so.

I'm a teacher. I would have emailed or called. Not passed on a message through an after school teacher. I have a lot of work to do and I have a toddler myself to collect after school...etc... but I'd certainly make sure to ring or email the parent if child had a difficult day, got hurt or other. I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect to have heard from the teacher. I would hate to think that parents in my class were hesitant to contact me or felt I was "too busy" to deal with communicating with them about their child.

I also try to email positive messages and anecdotes wherever possible!

mumbar. I doubt it's the same school. Our school is tiny. Maybe a popular system. Really not worth mentioning though.

exactly - i think I actually lost the idea of the cloud the day my ds got put on it 'for pretend stinging a child with the bee puppets they had made, when I told them to 'play' with the puppets for 5 minutes before lunch' (teachers words).

He was 4.2 ffs!!!

I am a teacher and i would go staraight to the parent or keep stum. It is not chinese whispers.

OK, I see what you are saying.

I wouldn't have mentioned anything about your DS being on the cloud to the ASC person but wouldn't have thought it necessary to ring you about it either.

If I did have a concern, I would always speak directly to the parent and not pass it on via another adult. That is not appropriate, imo. Having said that though, DS's after school care is at his school but not run by teachers and I would not be surprised or disturbed to receive a 'passed on message' from DS's teacher via one of them. I think it is different though because it is all part of his school, iyswim.

As a teacher, you wouldn't have let the parent know via note, email or phone call about her child being put on the "cloud"? That's odd, imo.

Thanks for all the advice mners.

I just sent a simple note in DS bag today saying 'this is my mobile no if you have any concerns about his behaviour etc then I can be contacted daily after 3:15pm.'

I didn't make too much of a fuss or mention passing on messages etc as I don't want to make too much of it but having now given her the info she needs to contact me I would certainly being making an appointment if it was done again.

And yes I agree that being on the cloud is hardly crime of the century and it was the first time in 3 months so hardly a 'behaviour problem' I wouldn't have thought.

Starexpat - "As a teacher, you wouldn't have let the parent know via note, email or phone call about her child being put on the "cloud"? That's odd, imo."

Really?? Good grief, I am getting more and more relieved that DS's teacher has a practical, common sense approach to her job and doesn't feel the need to write a note/email/phone about every little detail. And that I trust her to manage DS as she sees fit during the school day and therefore don't feel the need to hover like a particularly anxious helicopter expecting permanent updates. In his class, kids go on the cloud, they move off the cloud, they go on the rainbow, they stay on the sun. You know what? I'd prefer her to be teaching my child than writing endless little notes to mummy. If she has a serious concern about DS, she'll let me know. If he goes on the cloud for a minor infringement of the rules - she'll deal with it. It's her job.

I agree sleeping lion thats why I was shocked that I had the message via ASC that he had been on the cloud.

TBH the amount they use the cloud at DS school I wonder when teacher would actually have a life if they reported everything!! I do agree it's up to the school to deal with DS and I trust his. I would however work with them if there was a behaviour problem but there isn't. TBH I said to DS about Fridays incident if you don't listen then it's your fault you were on cloud but schools over so end of.

Ah well, good thing your dc isn't in my class then. The parents of the kids in my class are very happy. That's all that matters