I know Im not, dh is a twat, i just want you to tell me Im right

[mosschops30]

Ive had a crap week, ds1 been sick so ive been stuck in the house with him and ds2 for 3 days.
dh last night met his mate here, they went out taking photos whilst I sorted out the dcs with dinner, baths, taking dd to nana etc) then he came home, at dinner, I made them both a cuppa and went to shop for choc.

Then he said thatI had no interest in his hobbies and that Im self centred and have no enjoyment.
I tried to be a bit more upbeat this morning, he went to camera shop and asked if Id get ready so we could go out when he got home, I said I wanted to go to the gym so would sort the house out, washing etc, them go to gym and then we could go out and he grudgingly agreed.
I came home, made lunch for everyone then went in the shower, he came up and rubbed his willy on my leg (seriously ) and said 'have a little play' as if he was offering me something wonderful, then said I was boring when I wouldnt do it!!!!!!

He then had abother go saying that on my tombstone it will say 'here lies mosschops, she liked to keep fit' because thats my only 'interest', as if thats my defining feature!!! Not the fact that we have 3 kids that I take care of the majority of the time, and I neither have the time or the money for expensive hobbies like photography and windsurfing.

Anyway had a huge row, and hes now gone out in a huff

He is a nob yes?????

I agree that random groping of genitals is unecessary, its bizarre, its far sexier when its done in private or when youre at least mutually engaged in it!

2oldforthislark your post was perfect
'If they were bright enough to use a bit of flattery and seduction it might get them somewhere. Instead they make it about them, as though we just love the sight of a floppy willy
And if they helped out with the chores more, we'd resent them less. And be less knackered at bedtime'.

Dont get me wrong i love dh and hes a good father and provider, he doesnt go out drinking, he doesnt beat me and he doesnt fuck other women, he works hard, long hours and we live a pretty good life.
He doesnt share any household reposnsibilities, apart from he does the bins and the garden which I think are 'mans jobs' and im off on mat leave atm so I dont mind doing more but he wont take on more when I go back to work. He would never just whip the hoover round or clean the toilet (unless there was a specific reason to do so)
But most of my friends dh's are like this, those of you who have helpers are very lucky

FWIW i had a fab night, I went out by myself to my faveourite takeaway and ate it in the car in peace for once. Then had coffee with a friend, then came home and went to bed, leaving him to sort out bottles, feed baby, take baby monitor into spare room and get up tis morning with ds2.
All the while I watched Top Gun, which i still know word for word

I thought it was just my dh who did revolting things like that then can't understand why I'm not ripping his clothes off.

But most of my friends dh's are like this

Yes, and thats part of the problem , as is evident on this thread, it becomes normal and something that " men just do ". Shouldnt we question this ?

I would get groped when washing up, getting out of the shower, ect along with constant revolting comments. Someone else pointed out that sex was hardly going to happen if the dcs were around and i noticed mine tended to not do this when the opportunity genuineley arose , instead choosing to do at completeley inapropriate times.

I eventually realised that even pervs in bars had more respect for me than xh did and he obviously felt he had more rights to my body than i did. Not saying its like this for you op, but i find it a bit worrying that the majority on this thread laugh it off.

No, it's not just 'all men are like this'. Plenty of men ae NOT like this - they pull their weight domestically and have good manners around the issue of sex. (Mind you, some men have no libido and their partners wish they would run around getting their cocks out). The problem is that some people are too accepting of male privilege - the idea that women really exist for men's benefit, to service men domestically, emotionally and sexually. If a man thinks he's more important than you, you need to correct him - it's NOT TRUE. even if he's the wage earner, that doesn't make him your owner.

What SGB said.

Right on SGB! Whats so awful is in the 22 years I was married I so much lost touch with myself that I believed I was frigid not to be turned on by such groping and awful remarks. As dignified said, he never did it when there was a real chance, it was almost as if it was a control thing...like the verbal abuse he knew I hated. Only through mumsnet did I start to realise that I certainly don't need to feel guilt and yes, I had a right to discover me again!

He's a nob who needs to keep his knob away from your legs. When will men realise that that is not turn on?

Sadly ive just read a book that says this sort of behaviour can be a form of control ,it can be a deliberate attempt to humiliate and degrade , and make someone feel worthless.

Works well too. (Am not saying this is whats going on with you op.)

Can I suggest that you use Original Source teatree and mint shower gel in future? If he tries rubbing his willy against you again he'll be stinging all day. That, plus a firm, "I'd rather play with a dead mouse" might do the trick.

Often when I am working on the computer or in fact doing any chore with my back to dh he thinks it is a good idea to snuggle up against my back and then grope my boobs inside my top. After 15 years he is still hoping that I might reply to this in a positive way. Moron.

Defo a nob!

I agree with SGB (as usual). He won't do any of the housework even after you go back to paid work? And that's okay because he doesn't beat you and doesn't fuck other women?

So it's alright with you that he sees you as a domestic servant who puts out, then?

Instead of regarding those of us with equal partners as lucky, why not try insisting on being treated like a fully realised human being and see what happens?

I agree with tortoise and SGB, it almost sounds as if you think that you have done quite well to avoid a wife beating adulterer from your last post. I'm glad you feel you have a good life, and that you love your dh, but a partner should be more than a provider and father (and someone who doesn't abuse you too badly) surely?

Having said that he obviously is capable of pulling his finger out. Its just that at the moment the balance is fundamentally wrong and he is not taking on his responsibilities (not as a helper FGS - domestic stuff is not yours by right and his if he is feeling like it/thinks there is something in it for him).

Also why is it that he gets to have two expensive hobbies and you don't get any? It doesn't sound like you do have nearly enough fun/enjoyment, but that the blame for this lies squarely on your dh's shoulders.

Er i think youre all going off on a bit of a tangent here.
he does his bit with the kids, bathtime, reading with them, homework etc. He does the DIY stuff which I flat refuse to do (along with the bins and garden which I refuse to do).
Reasonably if I expect him to do half the housework then I have to do the same and Im not doing that.
I dont mind, i will only work 24 hours a week and he works from 7am til 6pm. Whipping the hoover round and cleaning the toilet are hardly grounds for divorce