to be incandescently disappointed with the people from my antenatal class

[bigbrothermademechangemytights]

I'm probably being a bit unreasonable, but WWYD?

I've got health problems which make me exceptionally tired and make it hard for me to get out of the house much. Whilst I was pregnant and when DD was tiny I coped with this mostly really well, but now that she's getting more active, it has been starting to get me down.

I went to an antenatal class and the other mums and their DCs now meet up together several times a week. Many of the activities they do together are things I just can't do (ie swimming, night out), some of them I'm too tired for, some I can't get to (I can't drive). And once I had to cancel at the last minute because I was feeling so ill it seemed unsafe to leave the house.

I've asked on several occasions for them to come to mine, but they won't, even though I've tried to explain to them why getting out anywhere is hard.

I can't handle the frustration and the leftoutness and isolation of it any longer. I just want never to see any of them ever again.

AIBU? And WWYD?

why won't they come to your house?

presumably they know you have health issues

I actually don't think YABU to feel ticked off

Sorry to hear about your health problems. Is there nothing that can be done to improve them? How will you cope with an active toddler if you can't cope now.

I can understand you feeling isolated but a lot of people, myself included, would rather be out than sat in someone elses home.

What exactly is wrong with you [nosy emoticon]

It's a shame they haven't made it to yours yet.

Maybe try again with them, explaining again your health needs.

understandably you're annoyed but dont be hasty and cut off social contact.perhaps of invite a group invite individuals/2-3 for a small informal thang

can gp or hv help?would you consider a befriender or any support groups related to your illness

illness is debilitating and lonely,ask gp or hv if any additional support available to you

hope things improve

Nope, don't think YABU at all. Don't sound like friends to me. I've had health problems since I had the dt's and just having twins means it's hard to get out. Good friends understand this. Don't know how old your dd is, but it is worth remembering that all of the other women are prob. tired and overwhelmed too - women with newborns not the most empathetic of people imo. I found it difficult in early months with all my dcs to think of anyone else but myself!

It may be easier if you want to keep on with some of these people to do it on a one to one basis rather than inviting a whole group to the house? If there's someone in particular you get on with, say what you've said here. If you still get nowhere, these are not friends worth having are they? What can you manage to do with dd (going out I mean) so you could meet others?
I hope you're getting some help with the health problems btw.

Thanks for the reassurance that I'm not being entirely U.

They know exactly what's wrong, but insist on telling me that they're as tired as I am. And half of them are doctors, so should understand. I really don't know how I could explain it more clearly to them.

(I don't want to disclose the specifics of what's wrong in case any of them are on MN, as it's a rare illness that's virtually unknown in thirtysomething women. But essentially, it's a chronic and hardtotreat thing which causes extreme fatigue. I've no idea how I'm going to cope once DD is walking, but I've got a wonderful DP.)

where is your dd when your ill at home?

oh jeez bigbrother, you need good friends if you've got an illness like that, not people who'll just tell you how tired they are! You asked WWYD, I'd never see any of them ever again, not worth the hassle.

(And because it's so rare, there's nothing the GP or HV can really offer. There's one nationwide support group, but they don't operate locally, have very female members and only one other mother - who doesn't want one-to-one contact.)

has anyone assessed you for support worker,outreach worker.when you are fatigued how do you manage chores,childcare,lifting child,push buggy

go to gp.discuss your situation,have you had occupational therapy assessment?would youconsider some help.

I can look after her OK. She's delightfully easy, all full of smiles and giggles. It's just the getting out.

I'm possibly getting a support worker (though terrified of the prospect) and DH is at home most of the time.

support workers offer support in your own home - an individualised package in conjunction with your needs. i also recommend an Occupational therapy assessment

That's a fair point.

But professional support isn't tme same thing as friendship, which is what I was looking for from the antenatal group.

have you tried MN, there might be some posters in your area with young dc's that you can make friends with.

the two are separate.friends are not support workers.support workers are not friend

the fatigue and illness impacts upon daily life and ability to undertake tasks,chores etc.for this you need external help with clear boundaries and specific outcomes.this is assessment/needs driven

the loneliness and social isolation, you need contact and proximity of others,with whom will establish and maintain friendship.maybe dont set expectations and take it as it comes

Can you manage coffee shops? if there's any awkwardness about bringing the group into houses that might get around that issue. But maybe you should give up on that group eh? Maybe give the net mums met-a-mum board a go - not everyone is into busy swimming classes and night out, in fact quite a few people hate them! You might find people that prefer a quiet chilled out play date round someone's house with a cuppa to busy baby groups.

YANBU to want some supportive friends. I think most people want that.

I have a dear friend who has a condition that sounds like yours. She hasn't any DC and still finds it really tiring to get out of the house.

YAB abit U to expect these people to meet your needs - they don't sound particularly supportive or friendly. Let them fade and concentrate on trying to find new ways of making friends?

Good luck to you, hope you find the right support soon.

Sometimes I can manage coffee shops, though it depends again upon getting there.

Will try the MN and NM local boards. I moved just before I got ill so don't know my area well, which probably doesn't help.

Cat The others meet up regularly. Maybe IABU but it feels as though everyone else's schedules, preferences etc are taken into account, but just not mine.

look for local events eg library,baby groups.widen your social network.antenatal group isnt be all end all

would it be possible to invite just one or two over rather than the whole group?

scottishmummy I am doing. But I find it hard to get out for anything much. (There's more about my situation explained in a thread on mental health board)

iwastooearly I love your name. Very jealous! Fair point. There's a few who seem a bit more thoughtful than others.

I think YABU to ask them round to yours if you're asking them to come round INSTEAD of swimming etc (because that stuff needs booking in advance and sometimes paying per term). But invite a few for a coffee AS WELL as their active get togethers might work. How many times have you suggested - is there a chance that they just genuinely couldn't make the times you've suggested rather than fobbing you off? Offer a couple of more coffee mornings at yours before giving up, then let it go.

My local library does free baby groups that you can just turn up to - maybe you could go to them? that way if you cant make it you're not letting anyone down or loosing money. Same with church groups - don't require booking so doesn't matter if you only make it to maybe one out of three times IYKWIM