...to think moving to an island when 7 months PG with 1st Dc is a bit bonkers?

[Miffster]

My DH hates his job, especially the horrific hours (evenings, weekends, often all-nighters) and now we're expecting our 1st DC in December, it's proved the catalyst for a major life rethink. He's very keen to have better work/life balance and spend more time at home and so he has been to see a recruitment consultant.

The recruitment consultant has told him with his experience and qualifications, he could get a job working in Grand Cayman, with a big payrise and tax free salary - much more money than he could earn in the UK. Even though cost of living there is huge, we could still save like mad and pay off chunk of mortgage/ buy a 2+ bed flat in UK on our return (we have a 1 bed London flat at the mo - not ideal but can't afford bigger).

Sounds amazing? Well, yes. But I'm a tad worried about heading out there in mid-September, 28 weeks PG (the earliest I could start mat leave) slap-bang in the middle of the hurricane season, in order to find a place to live, make a whole new network of friends, find an OB/GYN/midwife/GP (which we'd have to pay for, and that's likely to be $5000-$9000 for the pre/antenatal care and delivery assuming there are no complications with me or the babe - we don't have US health insurance and US health insurance want 10 months membership before they will fork out for birthcare). There's a UK/US expat community there, and they have antenatal yoga etc, I'm sure I could make mum-friends but...hmmm.

Problem is, I've not had a baby before, so I just don't know what it will be like for me and DH. Even assuming there are no complications with me and babe ( I'm 39, does that make me high-risk?), I'm quite worried about the isolation, no friends/family, and then looking after a tiny newborn on a hot, hurricane-prone island (it's not like I can really take the baba down the beach for the day).

So I think the whole project sounds a bit ambitious and am dithering.

It might be possible to accept the job and fly out when the baby is 4-6 months next year. Do you think that would be a good idea?

I've been to Grand Cayman before, but that was on honeymoon. Bit different to actually going and living there! I have lived abroad before (worked on a Greek island & Poland as a TEFL teacher in my 20's for a year each time). I also grew up in a small village so I know what it's like in a goldfish bowl and I'm quite good at making friends - but that's when I'm not hugely pregnant/new-parent hormonal/shattered.

My mates, who don't have kids, all say 'go! sounds amazing!'. But I want the opinion of women with children, please!

If you were me, what would you do?

Sorry long post!

Miffster... I moved to the US when I was heavily pregnant and didn't realise how much trouble I was in with insurance until I got here.

I'd check out what maternity care is like in Grand Cayman because round here (California), caesarean rates are approaching 50% in some hospitals. I ended up opting for a home birth with an independent midwife which cost just over $3,000 but a caesarean would have been a minimum of $35,000.

It worked out ok for me, but I really wouldn't recommend it.

I know someone who works there (she is childless) and I could ask her if you like. She loves it.

Was worrying about BF-ing because have gathered that it is uncommon to BF in USA, especially in public shared spaces. Not sure what it's like in Cayman - google reveals they have a National BF Week on the island, to encourage it, and that in Jamaica it is perfectly normal for women to feed on buses etc. But as cayman is a mix of Caribbean, US and GB culture it is hard to know what it's like...so any info would be brilliant.

Have found this great site which gives detail on how much antenatal/birth healthcare costs and all about having a baby in GC

www.caymannewresident.com/page_id_12.html

and it is v.reassuring. There is a doula, a midwife centre, BF groups. I get the feeling that it is not a heavily medicalised as USA birth culture but more like the UK with women offered choices...but again, any info would be good.

The advantages to going out when pg is time to fit in and attend antenatal classes, make a support network, find place to rent (company would put us up for a month) all without tiny newborn in tow. The downside is the cost of the birth.

I never had a problem with breastfeeding and I fed exclusively for 3-4 months and I certainly wasn't tucked away at home. I always fed quite discreetly though but can't remember a single, nasty incident. Unlike the UK with my first child!

As someone else said, the costs of the birth aren't too bad unless there is a problem. Which is a slight risk as it is your first child and there is no way of knowing how the birth is going to go. However, if it was a straightforward pregnancy I wouldn't worry too much. Facilities in Cayman are really very modern and very, very good.

If your baby is born there and therefore has U.S. citizenship s/he could then "sponsor" both of you for U.S. green cards and citizenship should you wish in future. This obviously means your DH could take a job in the U.S. should this prove to be desirable when you leave GC. Of course you can't know what you will want to do three or five or seven years from now (!) but it is always better to have more options in life rather than fewer.

Also, disagree that the U.S. is hostile to BFing! Doulas, midwives not at all uncommon either!

Your baby will not be able to get US citizenship being born in the Cayman Islands, nor Cayman Island citizenship. You will only be able to get a UK passport for your child if your both from the UK.

Oh -- thought OP said baby would automatically get US passport?

Anyway Miffster you are doing a fantastic job of thinking / talking through all the pros and cons!

Cheers! We're both from the UK. Child will have UK passport. Child will also need US visa to visit US (if, for example, we evacuate during a Hurricane Ivan situation - babies need the paperwork to fly) but it seems fairly straightforward to sort all that out once child has been born, you just register the birth and then apply for a British passport via the British Embassy in Washington DC.

My worry is that even with a doula and a midwife (and I'm loathe to say this as a natural birth advocate) is that you can't guarantee a complication-free birth, especially as a first timer. Even with best case scenario and a home birth, you have something like 1 in 20 chance of transferral and caesarean which will likely be well into five digit figures (I was quoted around $35,000). With a hospital birth, it's going to be more like a 1 in 4 chance of a caesarean.

It's up to your finances I guess whether you can tolerate that risk. We could /just/ at the time, but it was a big worry.

I find breastfeeding in the US an odd one. I bf all over the place cheerfully and have never even had a raised eyebrow, yet there's a paranoia about it with new mums covering themselves in all sorts of tent-like contraptions. Really, no-one is looking though, although this does vary between states.

surely you will have healthcare as part of the package?

My child cost 30k sterling to be conceived and born and bupa paid

sorry re read. Try bupa international

I found it is difficult to get insurance for the birth once you are already pregnant. It is a pre-existing condition so they don't want to insure it. This is where you realise the NHS is not so bad!

I did want to say to the OP though that my husband managed to get the birth paid for by his employer as it was an additional cost for us. Your husband's employer might be willing to do the same?

Hello,

I moved form one bed flat in East London to a tropical country.

I had my baby there. We had private health insurance, w hich I think is a must (see if your DP can get it included in his pay packet).

It was great to have this adventure together with DP. I loved it.

BUT, it was also hard work, although making friends was relatively easy. It was hard as all my family and friends were so far away. When DC got sick while DP was away on a business trip it was really hard.

I was also scared during the earthquakes there.

After 5 years we came back, with money saved to use as a deposit for a 3 bed house, and a new appreciation of British Village life.

All in all a great experience, but some bits were hard (you do get a bit isolated at home alone with a tiny baby). I ended up setting up an expat toddler group in my area. I also taught English (TEFL) when DC were a bit bigger. Met some nice people that way.

I´d say, go for it! If it doesn´t work out, you can always come back.

One thing you could check, that my friend needed to sort when she was pregnant in Jakarta, is what the blood situation is like. In Jakarta they have fabulous doctors but there is a slight risk of tainted blood if she were to need a transfusion at birth, so she spent the last month of her pregnancy in Singapore and had the birth there.

I'm sure with its relations and proximity to US it will be fine, but worth checking.

I would have thought ANY expat package would have some sort of health insurance, or that it could be negotiated. Or you could just wait a little bit before going off until after the birth?

I think the health package will have to be negotiated; I know most if not all US health companies won't insure pre-existing conditions, of which pregnancy is one, and they want 10 months of contributions. Not sure about BUPA Intl. but will check. Ultimately I think he will have to make it part of the package if we are to come over in the autumn ( maybe get it covered as an interest free loan and deducted from salary or agree they will contribute x amount towards it (and we'll just have to hope that I don't have too many expensive complications).

Failing that, it will have to be us moving over in the spring with a DC of a few months. But I think they prefer people to come in Sept, and he would hate to have to do his bonkers hours job until spring 2011 (and wouldn't see much of me or baba either, working the mad hours expected ). Oh, and the flat we live in here isn't really great for a baby either - no place to fit a cot by our bed, or even a Moses basket!

Ho hum we shall see what happens. At least we've thought about it in mindbending detail and discussed it all and had some really good advice - thanks again.