jelous of the other grandchild

[glasgowmandy]

this is going to sound ridiclous, and probably a bit cruel and selfish, but i have a 7 month old little girl and my bf's family already have a 2 year old grandson, they absolutley dote on him and bf's mum takes him 3 days and nights a week so her daughter can work.. my problem is! i am sick and tired of him getting all the attention adn my little girl getting left out, they always take him places buy things for him fuss over him constantly and me and my little girl are always left sitting alone, i only live round the corner from them adn i never get a phone call asking about her or a visit to see her, because they are too pre occupied with their little grandson, hes a lovely little boy but i am coming to resent him! i dont liek going over there anymore and sometimes i make a point of not going like (why should i go there when they dont come here) its so petty and its driving my boyfriend nuts but ive had a enough!! i got a phone call two mins ago from his mum asking if she could have my little girl tomorow because the wee lad is getting photos done tomorow in his nursery and wants some with her in it too, ive said ok but i wanted to say.. NO! bugger off you only want her for a picture. oh my god i sound awful but honestly im going to go mad, is it just me or am i being stupid?? but i dont like being around him anymore i suppose im jelous, my parents dote over my little girl, alwasy wanting to see her taking her places texting just to see how she is.. also every time shes near that boy she ends up catching an illness of him which makes me dislike him even more. what the hells wrong with me seriously, am i just a total bitch?

babydubseverywhere!!! exactly that!! her house is the place everyone HAS to meet, we go there for dinner every thursday night, she hasnt been round our house in about 9 months i would say! and whenever theres somthing happning, its all got to start at her house! it would be soooo much easier for them to come to us, i dont drive either so its harder for me x

Glasgowmandy - how far away do they live? Could you compromise and meet at a local park? Where they could interact with your DD?

You are lucky. Your DP will feel crap, your mom bother with you and little one, his mom bothers with his sis and little one. shame, the guys get left out quite abit in these senarios.

I dont drive and Im a social phobic, I am slowly creating my home as the hub lol.

knockraven they literally live a 2 minutes around the corner DP didnt fly far from the nest!! there is a park around the corner and i have tried that but its more because he at that age where this is so fun for him and she cant even really sit up yet so she cant play on much!,
i think the good thing is im thinking, her daughter is expecting in about 5 weeks, so her mum wont have her little boy over as much (she works part time to take him and his him wed thur fri night and day)

so he wont be going over there on those days anymore leaving her free, so im HOPING that then i can get a little more time in for my little one. thats the plan anyways, but then when the new baby arrives obviously its all eyes on her daughter again, which is understandable not slating that by any means

babydubseverywhere.. that is what to do!! genius! i amgoign to make this place the hub lol, the absolute place to be lol, i dont drive either because im too much of a wuss lol, i have clocked up the miles on that pram i can tell you !!

Is your DD not sitting up at 7 months? Sorry, maybe i got the age wrong?

well.. shes sitting up but she can flop over after a few minutes.. should she be sitting on her own? oh god here i go

I was thinking pushing her on the baby swings? As the other wee one runs about?

Have you talked to your DP? What does he say?

yeah that was the general idea but i live in a rather un nicer side of glasgow, all the swings have been stolen, just the bars left lol. i was actually on asking on another thread about any good play areas for babies of this age, there are a few i thin but for older kids i think

everytime i bring it up as i said he accuses me of bitching, but i dont say it nasty i just tell him my concerns and how i feel, he thinks im just being silly, it just causes arguments so i dont bother

I'm not surprised they avoid you if you are as touchy in RL as you are on the internet.

Well try a different tact with him, rather than telling him your concerns start with something your going to do to reach out.

" hey DP im going to go to the shops tomorrow and i was thinking of just popping in your moms on the way for a cuppa, do you think shed mind??"

The when you get to hers, "hi DPs mom, was just popping to the shops and as i was passing was wondering if your like anything fetching? Oh Dnephew is here, shall i bring DD in for a play?"

you might need to be a bit presumptious for it to work, but worht a shot x

hey im not touchy i just like being accuse of not having genuine problems or thoughts, im not getting into this again, no needand to say they avoid me isnt correct im talking about my daughter not me! and we get on very well

thanks babydubseverywhere, worth a shot i suppose. be nice if she just 'popped' into to see me too, would love that, would feel like shes thinking about us or at least hr grand daughter x

Babies aren't as much fun as toddlers. She will have her turn.

Don't dislike him, poor lad And children are generous with their bugs - they share them with everyone!

Well that come next, after a few, you just pooing in when she has nephew, you move it too,

"how about you come to mine on such n such day with dnephew so the kids can play, ill do lunch for us all, its nice to see the kids playing together"

Eventually you could try droping the nephew a bit i spose. just do it a bit at a time so it doesnt seem to forced.

Thing is its not a relationship with DD she needs to build up, its with you, your the one shes got to feel comfortable having a few teas and cake with. the baby will slot into place when you've got this. If the grandson is the apple of her eye then use him.

"look how much he loves being with his little cousin, we should take them both out for the day - Ill bring a picnic!"

Can you tell I'm pushy! lol

congratulations on your daughter.now dont dislike a wean because of transmittable illnesses.frankly its generally good for weans to be exposed to common illness builds immunity

now to your other question.well what was mil like to you pre-pg?has she as always been ok to you.do you and sil get along.could you perhaps get along as mums with stuff in common

granny may just naturally gravitate to her own daughter in preference to dil.you might not like it but maybe just got to accept it

so perhaps,live with the things you dont like.dont hold anything against a wee boy.you have to keep it separate from your feelings about mil

Popping in - not pooing in, that will get you no friends at all!

hahahah i was cofused at the poo lol,babydubseverywhere i know what your saying and it does make sense ill give it a go, i want them to have a good relationship, i just get a bit narky sometimes, just natural i hope being a new mum, and thinking your baby is the most important thing in the world so others should think the same lol x

scottishmummy i dont dislike the wee yin i love him to bits when im with im hes adorable i just curse him when im up all night when my baby has caught sickness and diarea or a nasty cold etc, it breaks my heart and i blame him lits not right i know, it aint his fault poor lad, my mum told me it does make their ammune systems stronger by try telling me that when ive had 2 hours sleep with a sicky baby!!

his mum was great to me preggers came to hospital appointments with me always asked for me etc we do get on very well, they are a nice family, and im lucky, i think from what ive read it is all about her gravitating towards her own daughter which is what my mum does with me so its normal i suppose, just frustrating at times. x

I sort of know how you feel. Although my DS is the first grandchild on both sides DPs family are quite insular so it's been quite awkward.

My way of dealing with it is to get a very thick skin and just barge on in there. Pop round for a coffee & a chat . I know it's a pain but if you go round a lot then they might feel more comfortable coming to see you. My MIL didn't want to intrude on us so never really came round but now she knows me better she comes round quite a bit.

Are you friends with your DPs sister? It might be worth making an effort to get to know her better.

ah well thats the thing im very close with dp's sister, she comes to see me all the time, and i love that, shes heavily pregnant too but still comes over! she lives a bit away and she can drive so its easier for her to come to me, but i would make the effort if she wanted me to go over there, shes a great lass, love spending time with her and enjoy spending time with the wee yin when im with her, she dosnt crowd him with attention as much, she dotes on my little girl, its lovely, i do make more time for him when hes here with her too, i play with him and he alwasy wants to take me hand when we go for a walk its nice, its just when hes with his gran! she dosnt let go of him and im like HEY! we are here too hello???????

I think you dote on your own kids. If anyone else does then it a bonus, but not to be expected.

so actually its not all so bad.bonnie weans,you lassies get along.dont beat yourself up hoping for a glance from granny.and dont give your boyfriend jip about his mum (that is recipe for disaster)