jelous of the other grandchild

[glasgowmandy]

this is going to sound ridiclous, and probably a bit cruel and selfish, but i have a 7 month old little girl and my bf's family already have a 2 year old grandson, they absolutley dote on him and bf's mum takes him 3 days and nights a week so her daughter can work.. my problem is! i am sick and tired of him getting all the attention adn my little girl getting left out, they always take him places buy things for him fuss over him constantly and me and my little girl are always left sitting alone, i only live round the corner from them adn i never get a phone call asking about her or a visit to see her, because they are too pre occupied with their little grandson, hes a lovely little boy but i am coming to resent him! i dont liek going over there anymore and sometimes i make a point of not going like (why should i go there when they dont come here) its so petty and its driving my boyfriend nuts but ive had a enough!! i got a phone call two mins ago from his mum asking if she could have my little girl tomorow because the wee lad is getting photos done tomorow in his nursery and wants some with her in it too, ive said ok but i wanted to say.. NO! bugger off you only want her for a picture. oh my god i sound awful but honestly im going to go mad, is it just me or am i being stupid?? but i dont like being around him anymore i suppose im jelous, my parents dote over my little girl, alwasy wanting to see her taking her places texting just to see how she is.. also every time shes near that boy she ends up catching an illness of him which makes me dislike him even more. what the hells wrong with me seriously, am i just a total bitch?

Paisley - wasn't the original post (about the boyfriend not being the father) so OTT that someone posted a link to be a guest on Jeremy Kyle? Or am I making that up??

I have a similar situation with my dad and stepmum. I have 2 boys and my stepsister just had her first, they dote on him, and are willingly going to look after him so she can go back to work. But whenever I have so much as hinted that we would love it if they could babysit for a couple of hours so DH and I can go out alone they refuse and say they don't know the boys well enough (NOT for lack of trying on our part...). Makes me really and quite

Not going to get into the original question but with regards to milk and juice - milk is quite filling and if he's having so much it's affecting how much he eats then it's probably not a bad idea to cut it down.

What she replaces it with is down to her really, my DD just has water but I can think of far worse things than diluted juice.

ive just came back on, just put toots down.knockraven, i have to say im completely sick of thi, how dare you come on here and start blabing about private topics i had maybe discussed with other people, ive found on this mumsnet now that you are not allowed to have more than one question in life.. im not going into my other thread as i had a lot of the answers id hoped woulda made me feela lot better which they did. which is what i thought the point in this was, am i wrong?? i actually posted this thread because two minutes previously i had been ranting and raving about it, and i was online anyways so i thought "wonder if this is happning to anyone else" so i asked! im terribly sorry knockraven if ive offended you by looking for more than one answer, but dont you dare tell me i am not genuine, who are you to tell me what is and what isnt in my life, im almost at the point im fed up of this now, ive not long joined (2 days) and yes i had a lot of questions to different things, so ive got them all out ina oner, is there anything really wrong with that?? and if you have a problem with it dont make any comment!! why even start?? i dont even know if i want to stay on mumsnet anymore because i, tired of being accused of not having"real" problems, its sick and cruel and i think you should think about how you make people feel.

knockraven please stop posting my other threads to this thread, really not nice

Knockraven was adding vaulable information to this thread, a piece of information that you conveniently left out - the kid might not be your DPs, no wonder they treat her differently if they even have a hint of this. Plus you seem quite stropy, perhaps they think your hard work?

'you're' sorry

For gods sake woman use paragraphs, you're making me eyes bleed !!

no they dont think that!!! i dont want to talk about his anymore right now!! there is no doubt because i had kept it private, you dont even know the storey, my partner and i had only started dating when there was someone else involved, but according to dates (which was my main concer) its nothing for me to worry about, so im told! a little or a lot of paranoia in my head! it has nothing to do with what i am talking about now, and no i am not stroppy! im upset because my child gets treated differently from their grandson, NOTHING to do with previous conversation! so please if you dont mind could you drop it, you are causing upset for me over somthing you know nothing about!

oh dear oh dear......

OP I am sympathetic, I am in a huff with my parents for this very reason. Its hurtful, no two ways about it. I am currently taking the very mature high ground if ignoring them as dont want to discuss it......you are not alone and it it upsetting

But now I have read this, I do feel compelled to ask, do you think doubted parentage is the issue for their attitude? as this is a biggie

Yes, then I dont know what to suggest
No, then can you ask them?

sorry you are upset.....really

glasgowmandy - first off they were not private topics you had discussed with other people, you posted them on an internet forum read by thousands of people. If you wanted them kept private then you should not have posted them here in my opinion.

I have not done anything wrong I don't think in linking to your other thread, if I have contravened the rules of mumsnet, then, again, I apologise. If you got so much help from the other thread, why has it now been deleted?

Third, you posted in am i being unreasonable, which is where you will hear honest opinions. I saw your other threads, they were not posted in here, the other one to which you refer was posted in relationships, I did not reply to that as I did not feel you would have liked what I had to say.

You can't expect to come onto this sort of thread and not have comments made.....did you read advice at the top of the thread?

off course i did, advice being that obviously i need to learn to lay off a bit i guess, but its good knowing that other people have the same experiences, knockraven i dont care much for what you'd have to say about much to be honest,
i deleted it because i was adviced to, obviously im knew to this i didnt think about how many people use this and thought maybe it was best i deleted it due to the topic and how i forgot to realise how many people read this, and wouldnt want info getting into the wrong hands, ok so not private topics, but i deleted it for a reason which ive said, and would rather keep it that way if you dont mind, please can you stop having a go at me for what i post, if you dont like it dont comment please

The way you wish to spite your nephew, the saying nanny first, the avoiding for two weeks, thats all a little stropy dont you think?

They will of course be naturally closer to their daughter, their bond will already be much greater than your bond with them. Bringing it up with your DP will only make him feel shit, like they dont care for his daughter equally, they probably do. but the relationship wont just be with the child, it will be with the mother too, thats you, you are not forth coming, the blame is equally yours. but as your parents dote on her i cant see the problem. Try making more effort, spend time with them, phone them, build a relationship with them, it will in all likelyhood be reciprocated. This will be better for your daughter your partner and you.

porcamiseria no they dont doubt anything, i dont want to ask them why they are like this because they are nice people and mainly i dont want to upset my boyfriend, i would be the same if he thought this about my parents, im just hoping in time that when she gets older they might take more notice?

i think honestly its a jelousy thing, its not his fault and i feel bad for saying this about him. also boyfriends sister is due her next baby in 5 weeks. a little girl, so im kinda guessing the attention is going to on her daughters new baby girl too! this is just the way it goes, i dont think they intentional do it, my boyfriend thinks they just dont wanna step on my toes, but i want them too!! i want them to spoil her and make more effort!, uck familys

Glasgowmandy - I didn't think I was having a go at you, I thought I was presenting a calm, reasoned response to your comments to me.

If you don't wish to get comments, you should not post in AIBU in my opinion.

Knockraven hasnt had a go at you! shes as free to comment as you are. Are you sure you havent been a mumsnetter long your quite a hand at flouncing!

no i know the nanny thing is cruel, but sometimes when im so angry with them i think thigns like that.. i hadnt long got off the phone to them when i wrote that btw. i do make effort with them, i phone his mum but she dosnt return my calls most of the time, because shes busy with her nephew,

goodness i know its not his fault he really is lovely, and when im actually with him i adore him play with him etc, its when im at home

sorry whats flouncing?

listen i know all this im sorry, just having a shitty day i really dont mean to come across stroppy and not genuine and all the rest of it, could we put it behind us please, i apologise if ive confused you knockraven i just have a lot on my mind (pretty much allll the time)

i dont wanna cause any arguments here, i GENUINLEY just wonder about all thses things going on in my head that ive never been able to talk about till now. probably only joiing this 2 days ago ive got too much to say i think! i should calm down.. i dont just go on about myself though you know i do go through these other thread things and see if i can relate to anyones problems and give any advice i can

For what its worth we have the same with DH's family, but that involoves lots of complicated splits and steps etc. Dont see my mother at all and my dad is useless. The only thing that inproved relations in DH's family was for me to make loads of effort. I have done it for my DH mainly as my kids dont need anyone but me and him. But he felt shit about the way our kids are pushed out. so i butted in and made a presence for them. its easier said than done, and doesnt always work, but i would at least try as its making you so upset.

i know how you feel op, our family is exactly like this. my dps mother sees my dcs now and again, has never lookde after them, taken them anywhere etc but she dotes on her daughters lo!! grrrrr winds me up just thinkin about it, but i just have to remember its not the lo's fault, so have to grin and bare it really, although we hardly see her anyway!!

Ignoring the questions / posts about paternity I think its normal behaviour all round:

a) for grandparents to provide more help to their daughter's kids than sons. My DC where my PIL's first grandchildren and my MIL was really helpful etc (my parents live abroad). Then my SIL had two little boys and now my MIL spends lots of time helping her.

b) also think grandparents also being more interested in slightly older grandchildren

c) you are not helping the situation by stiring it up.

If I need help from my MIL I now get my DH to ask his mum rather than me asking. But I think my MIL feels like she is intruding here and she obviously doesn't feel that in her daughter's house. I'm not sure why she feels that way and me and DH have been married for 13 years and she has known me for 15 years so nearly half of DH's life.

i will try make more effort, just seems unfair that i have to do the running around, shouldnt she want to come over to mine? ive got 4 flights a stairs ive gota bump the pram up and down get round there, and im exhausted! lol its so much easier for them to just pop up here, anyways im prob just being bitter

i think with their nephew starting to talk and do little funny things, i feel silly when i have to but in and say.." baby ate her foot today!! woohoo" and they just look at me blankly. little things like that for me are amazing! if i try talking about htis with the other half tonight hes just gunna throw a strop and accuse me off bitching about his family, which im not! i love them they are such nice people, shouldnt he be happy at the fact that i WANT to see them more and i WANT them to spend more time with us, rather than not wanting anything to do with them?

I have also been annoyed at being expected to traps everywhere with the kids when it would be so much easier for people to come to us, i think its the older generation thing of seeing their home as the hub and everyone should visit them, its true of most families i know of, even if it is more of a pita!

reading your posts maybe it is just the fact that their childrens children have more of an importance?? not in abad way just because if i think about my mum, she takes initiative my little one, she takes her here, and there
comes round when she wants
takes her when shes wants
gives me advice etc
whereas maybe boyfriends mum dosnt feel she can step in as much with my child than her daughters? i can understand that the more i think about it, i should actually be grateful for the help i have from my mum, and my little ones happy regardless, she loves everyone and anyone lol x