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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think there should be a telephone curfew in hospitals?

81 replies

LadyBiscuit · 12/05/2010 18:53

Why do hospitals allow patients to talk on the phone all day and all night? It drives me bonkers. There was a woman in the opposite bed when I had DS who talked virtually all night long which drove me slightly insane but at least she was talking quietly and of course there were wailing babes. But yesterday I went to see my sister who is in hospital and the woman next to her was on the phone the entire time I was there (nearly an hour) talking really loudly on her mobile the entire time. At 11.30pm she was still at it. So my sister asked her if she would desist given that, you know, they are all (presumably) seriously ill and that. The woman gave her a mouthful of abuse and carried on chatting away.

Eventually my sister went and asked a nurse if she could have a word and the nurse told her that there was nothing she could do. WTF?? AIBU or should phone conversations in hospitals have an 11pm curfew so that everyone can get some sleep (the person on the phone as well as the rest of the ward)?

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 12/05/2010 20:19

'The nurses were talking at full volume all night'

I found this too, and not just at the station, and not just at one hospital.

For me, nurses are fantastic members of the human race and I respect and admire them greatly, so I just thought there must be a reason why it happened.

Any nurses to shed light on why?

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 12/05/2010 20:24

I've wondered this too Agent - would love to know.

Has anyone else had the "takeaways on the ward" brigade? When I was in being hooked up to a drip for horrendous morning sickness, a partner of one of the girl's on the ward arrived with fecking fish and chips . Some of us could barely raise our heads from the pillow and they were there stuffing fish and chips down their faces .

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 12/05/2010 20:29

AgentZigZag - any one of the Sisters or Staff Nurses I worked under whilst training would have had my guts for garters if I had talked 'full volume' all night. We did have to talk about things during night duty, but we did it in low tones in order not to disturb our patients. I don't think the standards of practical nursing care are anywhere near as high these days.

whatwasthatagain · 12/05/2010 20:31

Oh sorry - we did that one night when I was in to be induced. However there were only two of us on the ward, the food was pants, and my DH turned up after work at 10pm with fish and chips. When I was in with an injury, I requested ear plugs because of all the noise at night.

JaneS · 12/05/2010 20:33

Sorry, but I don't think what I said was irrelevant. I probably shouldn't have been so emotive, but I feel quite strongly about this. If you are so ill you can't cope with the noise, of course you should ask the hospital staff to make sure people don't disturb you.

But you might have no idea what people are going through. To you, perhaps it's a phonecall because someone is bored. To them, maybe it's a crucial half-hour of mindless chat with their mum or child or friend. How can you tell? Honestly: when my granny was ill, she would ring us up and talk for ages about very boring, mundane things. It comforted her hugely to ask about the boring details of our days. And she didn't sound very ill when she did so, because she was asking familiar questions and only we knew how close she was to dying.

I'm sorry, but it's a hospital. If the noise is a serious problem, yes, ask staff to help. If it's only an annoyance, consider the possibility that the apparently healthy patient or apparently happy visitor is actually at the end of their teather and needing that small talk.

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 12/05/2010 20:37

Mmmm - a ward stinking of fish and chips at 10pm just as the other person was thinking of getting off to sleep. Lovely.

AgentZigzag · 12/05/2010 20:41

I can see what you're saying Dragon, and there are always going to be problems in any place where people are packed in like sardines.

Put on top of this that the people who are packed in are also at a vulnerable time in their lives, and some are bound to be unreasonable on both sides.

It doesn't take long to become institutionalised in hospital, and this can be a very cold and lonely place, almost on a conveyer belt, so who can blame some for trying to seek out the warmth and familiarity of their loved ones. How people cope when they're in and out of hospital all their lives, I really don't know.

Sounds like I'm changing my mind on the YANBU stance. They're just being unreasonable if they're annoying me

Original poster

LadyBiscuit · 12/05/2010 20:43

We all want comfort when we're very ill LRD and I think nights are the worst. But I don't think putting your own needs above those of the other people in the ward is okay. There is always a rationale for thinking that your needs 'trump' those of the other patients.

My sister has got cystic fibrosis, she's pretty ill, she's only early 40s and she is going to leave her DC without a mother. I should imagine she has some very dark moments at night. But she wouldn't dream of waking the rest of the ward. I am sorry about your granny but I still think it's very inconsiderate to make calls/watch telly/play music/whatever when the rest of the ward is trying to sleep.

OP posts:

Portofino · 12/05/2010 20:58

I'm with LadyBiscuit on this.

JaneS · 12/05/2010 21:01

You're right LadyBiscuit, it is difficult.

But I can only judge based on what I've seen. My gran was dying of brain cancer. To outsiders, she sounded very normal right up to the last couple of days. We knew she was rambling and terrified (and she was constantly pleading to us not to leave her). I have to say, I would not have left her then. She sounded rational to a superficial ear, but she was terrified and very alone. She needed people to talk to. In the time when she sounded quite rational, she was terrified, and she didn't even know who she was or where she was. But she thought she had to disguise this in case she was taken away.

I accept not everyone in a ward using a mobile is like this, but I think that the answer isn't to forbid mobiles or to limit phone calls. I feel terrible for your sister and I do understand what you're saying.

But, I'm afraid, if I were again with my granny, who was dying of brain cancer and losing all her sense of self, terrified like a small baby, and afraid that everyone was trying to hurt her - I would want her to be able to use the phone.

Original poster

LadyBiscuit · 12/05/2010 21:06

It's a tricky thing. I think they should make exceptions but that would be a nice general rule. Your poor granny

Shouty-on-the-phone woman has been discharged apparently and replaced by an old lady with dementia. She seems a lot nicer so that's a good thing

Sorry I'm being a bit arsey (again). My way of dealing with this is to be really bloody irascible it seems

OP posts:

MaisietheMorningsideCat · 12/05/2010 21:10

The thing is, and whilst I'm very sorry for your loss, there are people on wards who want peace and privacy in their last days. I'm not there yet, thankfully, but if I was to die in hospital, I'd like to know that there would be some time that would be free from mobile phones going off and people having all sorts of conversations day and night.

It's about respecting the wishes of everyone, and whilst I don't think a limit on phone calls during the day is practical or necessary, there should be a point at the end of the day when the lights are dimmed and noise is kept to an absolute necessary minimum to allow people on wards to sleep and rest peacefully.

JaneS · 12/05/2010 21:10

You're not being arsey at all. I just get worried about it. Obviously it would be ideal if there were more rooms.

Hope your sister is feeling better now. Sorry, I feel as if I hijacked this now. I do feel strongly about it as I feel the system failed her badly. But I was wrong to bring it up in this context.

Best wishes to your sister.

Original poster

LadyBiscuit · 12/05/2010 21:13

Thanks but I think I am being a bit cross and ranty. She's not going to get better unfortunately - there is no cure and they are just trying to control one of the many infections she has to get her back to a reasonably stable place. It's all a bit grim

Not sodding fair life sometimes is it?

OP posts:

JaneS · 12/05/2010 21:19

Life is not fair at all. I am really sorry for getting on my soapbox on this thread, it was unnecessary and I was out of order.

Wish I could do anything for you and for her.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 12/05/2010 21:20

LadyBiscuit

I do think there should be a 'lights-out' policy. It is impossible to get better if you cannot get a good night's sleep.

muggglewump · 12/05/2010 21:26

I think this just shows that hospitals can be very stressful for patients and I think mental health in them is very important and why a blanket policy should not be used.

Discretion is sorely needed for the best for all patients.

Original poster

LadyBiscuit · 12/05/2010 21:30

No you weren't - we are all looking at it through the prism of our loved ones' experiences. To be expected really. And now I'm making this all about me!

OP posts:

herbietea · 12/05/2010 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PlanetEarth · 12/05/2010 22:14

I'm amazed at all this (had my kids years ago pre-mobiles). I hope to goodness I never need a stay in hospital or I'll come out of it ranting, raving, and murdering other patients!

SeaTrek · 12/05/2010 22:23

YANBU

I was woken at 5.30 am, after only being asleep one hour on a maternity ward,by a woman LOUDLY phoning everyone (and waking them I presume) to tell them her beautiful daughter had arrived.

Four nights on a maternity ward - never again! Screaming babies - fine. Massively selfish adults, no thanks.

During the 2 hours a day when no visiters were supposed to be allowed, the woman next to me would pull her curtains round and keep her husband in there (fine). The problem was they talked the whole damn time in hushed tones.

I can feel myself re-living it all and getting angry again...

Ivykaty44 · 12/05/2010 22:28

People used to be able to die at home, this seems to be less and less an option, It would be better if people could die at home and then the relative could all be there instead of at hospital, then in the middle of the night the perosn can call whoevr and be comforted and be able ot get them aorund and not worry about visiting times etc..

it really would make more sense.

I think a lot of people ignore rules anyway, they think that if you madkea rule no phone calls between 10 and 7am that that rule didn't apply to them, so rude people woudl still upset ill people in the next bed

islandofsodor · 12/05/2010 22:31

I thought mobiles were banned in hospitals becasue they interfered with equipment.

I would never even consider taking amobile in with me if I had to go in hospital.

bibbitybobbityhat · 12/05/2010 22:32

Yanbu, op. Sorry, but I cannot think of any circumstances in which hospital patients need to use their phones in the middle of the night. As has been said countless times before, we all survived before the technology was available.

When I had ds, the woman in the bay opposite me had her dh and 3 or 4 other young children with her. By 8 or 9 at night, when visiting was over, the nurses realised that the dh had sloped off earlier on and left the younger kids in the care of the mum (post c/section) in bed!

The woman in the bed next to me had three or four visitors who also stayed way beyond the curfew.

There are rules on hospital wards (I was told I couldn't use my mobile, for instance, in 2003) so why are they not properly enforced?

I think you should make a complaint on behalf of your sister LadyB.

Rosebud05 · 12/05/2010 22:33

I've been in 2 hospital in 2 different PCTs in the last year and they both have lots of posters saying 'No mobile phones on the ward' due to interference with machines, patient confidentiality (esp with camera phones) prominently displayed. No-one took a blind bit of notice of them, neither staff nor patients. I found it convenient being able to text whilst I was in hospital, but always put my phone on silent and didn't make calls.

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