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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this mum has been thoughtless at best...

54 replies

PDR · 11/05/2010 19:21

by taking her DD to a birthday party when her DS had chicken pox 2 weeks previously... the DD came out with spots the day after the party so was presumably contagious on the day of the party.

There were two of my pregnant friends there.

I am also annoyed becuase we are going on holiday 2 weeks to the day so if my DS gets it we won't be going anywhere

AIBU to think she should have stayed at home or at least mentioned it so the other guests (mainly my 2 pregnant friends) who could have decided for themselves what they wanted to do.

!!!

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 11/05/2010 19:23

Maybe she didn't realise how long the contagious period was? If she did then you are definitely NBU though.

Cannotfindaname · 11/05/2010 19:24

Maybe she should have mentioned it to the pregnant women, I didn't go and see my cousins DP recently as DS had been in contact with someone who came out in CP and she was pregnant. but YABU to think about it interferring with your holiday. We were also going on holiday when my DS could have got it, he didn't but thats life. You can't keep all children in all the time and CP is contagious before the spots anyway so children could be exposed loads of times without anyone realising.

Nemofish · 11/05/2010 19:25

Chicken pox has more than a 24hour incubation period, so your dd did not contract it on the day of the party.

Her ds would probably have not been infectious on the day of the party, as his scabs should have been healed up by then.

So you dd didn't catch it at the party, and her ds was not infectious when at the party.

So YABU.

I would suggest that you read up on chicken pox so that you know more about infection and incubation periods, so a mum can't accuse your dd of infecting her child on mumsnet! (not that you can contract chicken pox over the internet... as far as I know...)

Nemofish · 11/05/2010 19:26

Oh crap just re-read and am now confused...

TheFallenMadonna · 11/05/2010 19:26

Trouble is though, you could be in purdah for ever. My DS went to school while my DD had chicken pox. He didn't get them for another three weeks. He would have had over a month off school if he had been kept off while she was.

nickschick · 11/05/2010 19:26

This might not make any sense ......ds1 got a 'few' red bubbly spots after a very heavy cold.....Dr said 'i think its chickenpox,in 2 weeks ds2 will get them'... in 2 weeks time was ds1s HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE birthday party.

Dont worry says dh if he was gonna have them hed have had them by now.

DS1s PARTY - DS2 having a lovely time .....ds2 goes for a nap.

ds2 wakes with .........chickenpox spots.

Original poster
PDR · 11/05/2010 19:26

She am presuming she knew how long the incubation period is...

OP posts:
Nemofish · 11/05/2010 19:28

Oh I have no idea

YABU

YANBU

Takes yer pick!

Sorry OP if I sounded snippy, not your fault. Chicken pox is awful and I hope your dd/ ds is fine. I am going to step away from the comouter now...

Poshpaws · 11/05/2010 19:35

DS2 is coming to the end of his chicken pox (ie, all scabbed over). His party is this weekend and I called all the parents on Friday just gone to see if they still wanted their child to attend. They were all fine about it as all the guests had already had it, but at least I had given them the choice.

The mum in the OP should have at least checked, so no, I don't think YABU.

Missus84 · 11/05/2010 19:40

I don't know, it's pretty hard to avoid chicken pox this time of year, especially if your children go to school or nursery. Maybe the mum didn't know the incubation period anyway, and it's not an exact science.

She should have let the pregnant women know, but they're probably immune anyway.

Lonnie · 11/05/2010 19:41

I think you are being slightly oversensitive so yes I think you are being a tiny bit unresonable..

when you have more than one child you cant remain at home constantly for periods like 2 weeks of for chicken pox. after 2 weeks almost I would say she was being fair to come along to a party.

If chicken pox is a worry then it is now possible to get a vaccination for it.
when you are pregnant with no 2+ then you are highly likely to be near children with lots of germs chicken pox included.

I do think it would have been polite of her to have mentioned it yes I agree with it.. so there YANBU

Yes her daughter would have been contaigous but let me ask you this if her son had not had chicken pox and her daughter had come down with them the day after the party would you have been irritated then?

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 11/05/2010 19:42

YANBU

Any parent with a child who has a contagious disease has a duty to find out the risks to other people/children before going to meet them.

alicet · 11/05/2010 19:45

She was not unreasonable - her dd may never have got chicken pox (it is not a given you will after contact with someone who has it). Ds got it presumably from someone at nursery when he was 15 months - not all the children in his class got it.

By the same reasoning presumably you are not going to fly away on holiday as there might be pregnant people or people with a suppressed immune system in the plane and they could be vulnerable on the off chance your ds could have caught it at the party? No? Thought not - if you think your friend was BU then you are too for going on holiday and risking others!

(presuming people will realise that I don't think OP SHOULD do this - just trying to point out how ridiculous it is to keep someone in quarantine just because they have been exposed to chicken pox)

alicet · 11/05/2010 19:47

And once someone does have chicken pox I think they should keen away from others until the spots have crusted over and they are not contagious anymore but I don't think its reasonable or practical to keep people in quarantine for simply being exposed to something

alicet · 11/05/2010 19:47

keep away even, not keen

TheFallenMadonna · 11/05/2010 19:49

The mother didn't have a child with a contagious disease. She had one child who was no longer contagious, and one who didn't have the disease (yet).

alicet has a point. Are you now going to isolate your own child in case of contagion?

Northernlurker · 11/05/2010 19:59

Chicken pox is endemic at this time of year. There could have been 15 kids at that party incubating and nobody would know.
Being pregnant is not in itself a risk factor - most pregnant women are immune having been exposed as children...at birthday parties etc. The convenience of your holiday is neither here nor there.

whatname · 11/05/2010 20:00

you can't keep a child in forever just in case they get chickenpox.
however I did have a party recently, kept DS away because he was going to get them, and he came out in the spots 2 days later. So he might have infected everyone.
well said Alicet

SloanyPony · 11/05/2010 20:02

If you have 4 kids and they all get it one after the other, you could be grounded for 2 months or more.

YABU.

nigglewiggle · 11/05/2010 20:07

I think it would have been considerate for her to check about whether any pregnant people present had previously had chicken pox. That's exactly what 2 of my friends did for DD's recent party. In that YANBU.

However, if that risk had been negated, as it usually is because most people have CPox, then would you seriously have suggested that she didn't bring her DD to the party because of your impending holiday? In that YABU.

oldandgreynow · 11/05/2010 20:17

YABU .Schools etc particularly tell you that you don't need to quarantine children who may be infectious.

mummytime · 11/05/2010 20:22

My kids have all had chicken pox spots suddenly come out after a day at school. The quarantine period is less than 2 weeks (I always keep them off school for 2 weeks though). Surely the DD was at school while her brother had chicken pox?

Finally I caught chicken pox when pregnant. The only contact we can think I got it through was talking to the father of a child who had chicken pox, I spoke to him for 5 minutes and never met his child. So you can get it from all kinds of annonymous contacts. And after all most people have had chicken pox and won't get it again, so most pregnant women are safe.

BTW my child was fine, and their biggest worry was I would run a high temperature which can bring on labour. My main was feeling miserable, being whale like and housebound.

Original poster
PDR · 11/05/2010 20:23

Lonnie if her daughter had spontaniously come down with CP the day after the party then no I would not have any issue at all. It's the fact that she knew it was highly likely that her daughter would be contagious and chose to keep quiet that I take issue with.

To those who are asking if I am keeping my son in quarantine as he may have been exposed then the answer is no, but I am warning everyone who we come into close contact with that he might have been infected to give them the chance to stay away.

My point is that she should have said something so we could have made our own decisions.

OP posts:
nigglewiggle · 11/05/2010 20:27

So, if the pregnant women had no objections, would you have excluded her daughter because of your holiday?

EmilyStrange · 11/05/2010 20:32

This is the season for chicken pox and I don't think you can quarantine children for it. When I was pregnant and tested, I discovered I had no immunity so I quarantined myself as much as possible during outbursts and made sure I knew what to do the second I may get it. The mum should have mentioned it to people so they could make their own decision but I don't think she should have kept her daughter in on the off chance she may or may not get it. I was exposed all the time as a kid yet didn't get it till I was an adult.

Frankly they should vaccinate the kids like in the US. Boy did I wish I had us all vaccinated when I was pregnant and worrying my head off.

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