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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this mum has been thoughtless at best...

54 replies

PDR · 11/05/2010 19:21

by taking her DD to a birthday party when her DS had chicken pox 2 weeks previously... the DD came out with spots the day after the party so was presumably contagious on the day of the party.

There were two of my pregnant friends there.

I am also annoyed becuase we are going on holiday 2 weeks to the day so if my DS gets it we won't be going anywhere

AIBU to think she should have stayed at home or at least mentioned it so the other guests (mainly my 2 pregnant friends) who could have decided for themselves what they wanted to do.

!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

PDR · 11/05/2010 20:32

No I would have excluded my son becuase I would not have attended her party (we're taking about 2 year olds here so they have no idea).

OP posts:

runnybottom · 11/05/2010 20:37

I hate these AIBU's!
"Am I Being Unreasonable"?
-"Yes you are"
"No I'm not, you just don't get it"

Yawn. Give it a few minutes and we'll be knee deep in "you're ganging up on me, you're so mean".

nigglewiggle · 11/05/2010 20:38

Sorry, I thought it was your son's party, so I thought your only option would be to exclude the daughter. In which case I think YANBU for expecting her to mention it.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 11/05/2010 20:39

I think she should have at least mentioned it. Although if the children all mix in the same kind of local circles, chances are your DS would be at risk anyway!

DS got chickenpox, and I told the people I'd ben at toddler group with the previos week, before the spots came out, but none of them got it. I was actually relieved he got it, as my older two had already had it, and I knew this year it was just going to be a matter of time (chickenpox seems to come round every 2 years, apparently). AS we are going abroad in summer, I was relieved he had it when he did- but watch this space- one of them will no doubt come down with some horrible V+/D+ bug the night before we go.....

Original poster

PDR · 11/05/2010 20:40

runnybottom I have not taken issue with anyone who has said AIBU! Nor am I going to say anyone is ganging up on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Goodness me this place is like a playground sometimes!

I have only responded to questions people have asked me!!!! Don't you hate it when posters just "post and run" never to be heard from again??!

OP posts:

PrettyCandles · 11/05/2010 20:41

Absolutely YANBU. Some people aren't bothered about their dc catching CP (I wish ds2 would get on with it, catch his dose, and get it over and done with) but not everyone -for whatever reason. She shd at least have phoned the host to check whether it was ok to bring a potentially infectious child to the party.

oldandgreynow · 11/05/2010 20:42

Do you know that the 2 pg women haven't had the pox then?

alicet · 11/05/2010 20:45

So PDR when you go on holiday will you get the cabin crew to announce that your son has been exposed to chicken pox as people are boarding the flight so other passengers who may be pregnant or immunosuppressed can choose to get off? So they can make their own decisions?

No? Thought not. You cannot quarantine children just because they have been exposed to a contagious illness but not shown any signs of it.

Original poster

PDR · 11/05/2010 20:49

Hang on hang on hang on!

My son is not going anywhere!

DH and I are going on holiday and DS is staying with my mother.

Sorry I didn't make this clear in my original post.

If he gets sick I would not leave my mother to care for a sick child.

Would DH and I be of any risk to cabin crew/other passengers does anyone know? (We have both had CP).

OP posts:

LadyintheRadiator · 11/05/2010 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nigglewiggle · 11/05/2010 20:54

No, if you have had it, you would not. I think you should take reasonable steps if you suspect your child is infected, but alerting passengers on a plane is OTT.

alicet · 11/05/2010 20:54

You won't be risking the other passengers if you have had cp even if you son does get it.

And even if you hadn't had cp I would say if you are showing no signs that you have it you shouldn't worry about it. That was my point - not that you SHOULD worry but I was trying to help you see that YABU about expecting the mum to have told everyone about her dd having been only exposed to cp.

Original poster

PDR · 11/05/2010 21:05

I would not take my son on a flight if I thought he was about to come down with chicken pox so I would not be endangering other passengers/cabin crew.

I would have expected the woman to send everyone attending a quick message to say that her DS had had the chicken pox and she was unsure if her DD had caught it. This would have been very easy as the party was a "facebook event".

I realise that you cannot help coming into contact with people on the street but I belive this was avoidable and one of my pregnant friends has not had CP and is now really worried.

OP posts:

Joolyjoolyjoo · 11/05/2010 21:06

What age is your DS? My ds was 2.6 when he got it, and was neither up nor down, didn't even bother with the spots, which crusted over pretty much within 5-7 days, so there wasn't a lot of caring needed.

however YABU for getting to go on holiday without children in tow

Original poster

PDR · 11/05/2010 21:37

DS is 2 Jooly so I actually wouldn't mind him getting it now as it wouldn't be too bad! It's just bad timing as DH and I have been looking forward to this holiday for ages and we really need some time to repair our own relationship.

General consensus is that IABU to expect the mother to have said something so it's a good job I didn't say anything to her in RL!

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TheFallenMadonna · 11/05/2010 21:40

Would your mum still be happy to look after him? Are they close? Because DD went to stay with my mum when she had chicken pox and frankly had a whale of a time

alicet · 11/05/2010 21:40

I would also say that if your ds is as mildly affected as my 2 were then your mum will be more than able to cope (assuming of course that he has a good relationship with him so that he can be comforted by her and also that she is fit and healthy, which I would persume she is if she is looking after him while you go away).

So if he gets it don't write your holiday off straight away - see how he is and talk to your mum.

alicet · 11/05/2010 21:41

cross posted fallenmadonna - great minds but you are much more succinct!

MumNWLondon · 11/05/2010 21:44

YABU - incubation isn't always exactly 2 weeks and anyway she may not have got it - eg my DD had CP and had a nanny share with a friend's DD and they spend the 3 days before the spots came out together, even sharing baths and the other little girl didn't get it at all. I was worried too as they were due to fly abroad 2 weeks to the day after my DD got it.

re: pregnant - not a problem if the pregnant women had immunity as others have said its everywhere at this time of year.

Original poster

PDR · 11/05/2010 21:47

They are very close as my mother lives in our annexe so he would still be in his own room/surroundings etc.

Mum says she is still happy to look after him, although it would be a whole week without a break for her - he was due to go to nursery for 2 full days to give her a break.

One of his nursery workers is also due to look after him on the Saturday afternoon (29th) as Mum is going to a wedding so that's a bit of a problem too... He could be over it by then though?

We're leaving on 23rd so hopefully he'll have either got it or not by then as the party I'm talking about was last Friday.

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wannaBe · 11/05/2010 21:48

yabvu.

The son had chicken pox. He had got over it. The daughter did not have chicken pox. She may or may not be about to get it but at that particular time she did not have it.

To suggest that someone has a responsibility to inform people that they are being exposed to someone who has been exposed to someone who has chicken pox is frankly a completely ott reaction.

So what do you think people should do? keep their children's siblings off school when one has chicken pox or have the school send out a letter every time a sibling catches it because the entire school will have been exposed to someone who has been exposed ...?

As long as the visibly infected child is kept quarantined the responsibility ends there.

Original poster

PDR · 11/05/2010 21:49

The girl definately has it. The mum told me today. The spots came out the day after the party.

OP posts:

hmc · 11/05/2010 21:49

What wannaBe said

Original poster

PDR · 11/05/2010 21:50

For the record, I have already conceeded that IABU!

OP posts:

hmc · 11/05/2010 21:52

Doesn't hurt to tell you again - YABU (sniggers)

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