To wonder why some parents refuse to support teachers?

[Rosieeo]

Why do some parents blindly stick up for their children, regardless of the obvious truth?

Had Angry Mum on the phone today, complaining because I've rejected her darling boy's coursework. Darling Boy's essay consisted of a rather bad copy n paste job. I'd say maybe a quarter was his own work. I followed our department procedure, which involves a re-submission of coursework under supervision and a record kept on his personal file.

But, according to Angry Mum, I have not been sympathetic enough to his laziness plight and besides, I must be wrong about the plagiarism as Darling Boy would not cheat. I have the evidence and have emailed her links to the sites in question, to which she replied that there must be a mistake, someone must have stolen his work and put it on the internet! And anyway, I am at fault, because I haven't 'captured his imagination' and haven't offered to coach him outside of class time.

AIBU to scream 'Wake up woman! Open your eyes and kick your child into touch! Stop babying him for crying out loud, stop encouraging the endless sense of entitlement that he already has! And STOP bothering me at work with your foolishness!' ?

yanbu

jeez!

YANBU - LOL at "someone must have stolen his work and put it on the internet"!

Riven, of course they are, but maybe it's one of life's lessons. In a work situation, I've had bosses who have been wrong and annoyed the bejesus out of me, but I didn't get anyone to ring up and give them a bollocking, because sometimes you just have to accept the authorities decision.

Unless it's really serious, why not teach acceptance?

Yes, that's what the parent said who didn't believe that her child could possibly have been smoking. I saw her. But there was no evidence apparently. My word against her daughter's. Hugely frustrating, and annoying, to be called a liar.

BAFE Yes, that was my personal favourite. If she hadn't been so irate, I would've laughed

sorry, I know that's awful but I can't help laughing at the idea of his work being stolen and put on the internet

Just stay firm, stay calm, be unmoving on it. It's probably about time someone put their foot down and said "enough, matey!"

Me, I would totally support teacher if I believe they are right. Preciousness does not come into it.

If I believe the teachers are wrong, I will usually not tell them so, but I will tell dcs that this is not how you pronounce this letter in French/this is not a correct historical fact/these pieces of evidence do not prove what the teachers says they do/the teacher should not actually have done so. Why should I let somebody ruin dcs' education by telling them things that are not true?

My hope is that dcs will be able to combine politeness to teachers with an attitude that does not involve uncritical belief in everything you are told (I'd hate to think that dd was actually learning French from her French teacher!).

As an academic, I really do not like it when pupils grow up into students who think you cannot check up on other people's facts just because they are in authority. But politeness is important: I will not accept rudeness from my offspring, not towards myself and certainly not towards others.

I will only storm into the school if something seriously wrong is going on- like discrimination of disabled child or putting a child in danger through teacher gormlessness. Unfortunately, I have had to do that a couple of times. I have not enjoyed it.

I am also sorry to say that I have known teachers (and even headteachers) to lie, even when facts could be proved. We are all human. That is what I want my dcs to know and understand.

YANBU. I had one recently who had not been turning up to class, handing in coursework etc in the lead up to his GCSE in a month's time. Cue an email from mother asking for extra work for him and for me to stay after school to help him as he isn't feeling very confident.

But what do you say? Very hard to tell a parent 'err, no, it is your son's fault he is in this mess so he can sort it out'...thus ensuring him a bad grade. But equally, why should I pile more work on myself to make up for his laziness and her failure to recognise it? Difficult.

Ah now I do offer revision sessions for my students. I am a last minute queen myself (thank the lord I am old enough to have avoided coursework) so I have sympathy. Still nag though of course

Cory I completely agree on the checking facts. I'm happy to admit my (infrequent, of course!) errors and pupils tend to respond well to that approach. As you mentioned, manners are essential.

MrsC and TheFallenMadonna I think that's what pissed me off the most. I have offered coursework catch-up sessions weekly at lunch and fortnightly after school since xmas and the little blighter has not shown his face. Missed his deadline date and only turned in his essay because he was threatened with an after-school. Gah.

I find it really strange that parents get involved in these things at all. I remember it from when I was at school, the kids whose parents interfered just got a really bad reputation for buying their way out of trouble. Good way to lose all your friends!

(hijack) MrsC - if he is asking for help I think you should give it (error of their ways etc) if she is asking you to I think you should tell her her son needs to talk to you about it! At least he has to take some responsibility then...

YANBU- is his mum going to phone his work in later years to bollock his boss for not promoting him? (actually, I guess there are some parents..)

I am actually guilty of being the opposite way round- I would be more likely to back the teacher, unless I had reason to actually believe said teacher was BU (have a great fear of authority- that's why I said YANBU: too scared to challenge a teacher )

did you consider muttering die die die and putting the phone down?

I wish I had!

MrsC2010 Tue 11-May-10 20:44:35
"Cue an email from mother asking for extra work for him and for me to stay after school to help him as he isn't feeling very confident. "

That would tip me right over the edge.

In common with many teachers, I offer regular after school revison classes (plus Saturday sessions at the moment). Completely unpaid, I might add.

But when I hear about this sort of shit - parents taking it as a given that you'll give up your free time for their lazy arsed little darling child - it makes me want to walk out of school at half past three and let 'em all fail.

Ah, but the parents still go back to the DC and give them a good old telling off. It's that mama bear in us to defend our darlings, isn't it?

I'm loving "someone must have stolen his work and put it on the internet" I must remember that one for the future

I support the teachers wholeheartedly if they are behaving reasonably and are in the right

but sometimes they are WRONG!

I will admit that I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself giggling at the 'stolen and put on internet' bit. Just glad it was a phone call and not face to face.

Greensleeves, you must be mistaken

That poor boy.

I suggest you phone his mother back and tell her to contact the police urgently in order for them to start investigations into the theft of her genius child's intellectual property.

She can't just let people get away with robbing her son's work, that's outrageous.

"someone must have stolen his work and put it on the internet"
Love it!

YANBU to expect support from parents but as with any job incompetence within your field of work must exist. IMO it would make sense that a parent would question a teacher's judgement on something as important as coursework, especially if they had referred to their child's work as being mostly a cut and paste job. In fact I think it would be a bit strange not to show concern if that's what your child had been doing.

All children are entitled to an education in this country so if methods are not working for some it is surely right to question them. My father started out as a teacher in the 60's but was pushed out when he tried to question methods of teaching as the school did not see at as their duty to engage all of the pupils, especially those considered a 'lost cause'. My point is that I don't think it is progressive or helpful to never be questioned in a professional capacity. That said it is reasonable to not like it.