to be annoyed with my mum for wanting to feed 4 month DS solids?

[zebedeethezebra]

DS is 4 months tomorrow. Mum has been wanting to give him mashed banana since he was 6 weeks old. She's obsessed with giving him solids already.

Now, because he has been a bit off his milk (he's FF) for the last couple of weeks she thinks he's bored of milk and wants proper food. Its driving me mental. I've never heard of anything so ridiculous.

DS sleeps through the night and has been doing so for weeks, so he must be getting enough milk to keep him satisfied otherwise he'd be waking up.

Is anyone else's mum like this? How can I get her to back off? I'm waiting til DS is 6 months (give or take a week or so, but no more) before I start weaning like you're meant to.

The WHO changed it's guidelines in 2001 so it's only anyone who has children aged 8 or under that are probably going to know about it. Print off a copy of the guidelines and show them to her. www.who.int/nutrition/publications/infantfeeding/EUR_01_5018050/en/index.html

My mum is 90 and my dcs 20 and 17 and she still gives me advice on how to feed them. And I still haven't found a gracious way of handling it.

Perhaps show her www.who.int/nutrition/publications/infantfeeding/WHO_NHD_01.08/en/index.html

and

www.who.int/nutrition/publications/infantfeeding/WHO_NHD_01.09/en/index.html

aswell.

But read the ESPGHAN paper as well!

my mum's the same (apparently 19 week old DS is 'hungry' and I should put baby rice in a bottle for him)

Anyway, I've dealt with it by saying that there's a lot of hayfeaver and allergies in DH's family (not particularly, but she doesn't need to know that) and that the GP had told me that holding off solids until 6 months reduces the chances of getting bad allergies. I made a big fuss of how awful it was to see DH's cousin suffer with bad allergies and I thought I better be extra careful, what with DS possibly getting his daddy's dodgy immune system

Could you find a member of DH's family who has hayfeaver/IBS/allergies/looks a bit peeky who you could point to as to why you need to delay even if the rest of your family don't?

I'm surprised feeding at 4 months is "the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard" as just 3.10 years ago when I was weaning DS1, the advice was 4 months, and now with DS2, its 6 months.

When I asked my HV about it last week, she said it was a recommendation, not law and its therefore kind of optional. I started feeding my DS2 at 5months and 2 weeks, just plain baby rice and a rusk and there are no after effects except he sleeps an hour longer.

Mashed banana won't hurt, but I think you are angry as you feel your way is being criticised and she feels her way is better. Its a story as old as time. YAB a bit U, just quote your HV and say its recent research and you don't make the rules, they do. Choose your battles, you will have bigger fish to fry as your DS gets older.

OP - yes, many mums are like this. My mum called me "stubborn" for not giving my dc a bottle. MIL made comments about my not having enough milk, when all 3 dc took longer than text book time to regain birthweight.

Let them say what they like, but make your own decisions.

Could you find a member of DH's family who has hayfeaver/IBS/allergies/looks a bit peeky who you could point to as to why you need to delay even if the rest of your family don't?

The evidence now is that delaying weaning increases the chances of allergies

My mum was the same too. It was the "oh he's bored of milk now isn't he" and the "just you wait till you can have some of ". But I know she was just excited to see DSs next stage and when I just said I was waiting till 6 months as these were the guidelines now, she accepted it. It was just different in their day.

My 19month old started on solids at 17weeks, health visitor said it was ok if i felt she needed more than just breastmilk. She did say not to start before 4months though. If you feel you don't want to start solids before 6months then stick to your guns!!

bruffin - we have been round the block with this before.

You are just plain wrong.

"There is now no evidence that weaning at 4 months is harmful at all"

The reason for the 6 mth guideline is not that 4 mths is harmful, but that there is no nutritional benefit for most babies in solids before 6 mths. Tendency to allergy plays no role in the 6 mth guidance.

"and there has been a huge rise in allergies since weaning guidelines have been changed to 6 months"

No, there hasn't. This really is just something you have made up! The guidelines changed 6 years ago. Most people don't follow them. There has been no study looking at a rise in allergy connected with the guidance.

"which is why the AAP recently changed their guidelines back to 4-6 months."

Well....their advice to mothers differs from their academic position, and in any case has nothing to with allergies, but more to do with the US concern with iron.

"There is actually a study at the moment to see if introducing certain solids at 3 months will affect allergies." Yes, it's a study. They don't know the answer to the question they're asking.

OP - your baby is doing fine without solids. She does not appear to need them, and your mother has no right to interfere with this. Bruffin's odd views on allergies and solids have nothing to do with your sitiuation!

bruffin - the evidence is not that delaying weaning increases the risk of allergies. It may do - we don't know. This is speculation, and it's why the convention is to organise proper research and studies, before posting to talkboards in advance of any conclusion.

The speculation in any case is connected with babies who are susceptible to allergy - it's not thought to be something that people should be concerned about routinely.

OP - I think you will just have to accept that you and your mother are going to row over a lot of things! My family drive me batty with what they try to give my DSs. Saying no just wasn't enough. I have had to scream no, order them to put down the 'bleeding' whatever it is they're intent on feeding him and wrench DS away from them. Cue screaming match about what an ungrateful so and so I am and how I think I'm so much smarter/better than them, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Seriously, some people are absolutely determined that they are right, and therefore you are wrong, and they quite frankly don't give a damn that it's not actually THEIR CHILD!!!!!

I regularly meet people in their 60s, 70s and 80s who have had the most awful digestive problems all their life only to be diagnosed late in life with coeliac disease. In the old days, there were no words for dietary intolerances- a child simply "failed to thrive"and sometimes succumbed to that or some other spin-off infection. The older people we see now are the survivors of not diagnosing such intolerances, not the healthy ubermensch early weaning specimens that some people are making them out to be.

Do we really want to go back to higher infantile mortality rates just to justify early weaning? I think not.

Your mothers would have apoplectic fits if they saw DD3 (aged 8.5 months) still not eating a thing. She weighs 14 lbs and is a cheerful little widget. She'll play with food and dump it over the edge of her highchair. And I am not bothered. She'll eat when she's ready.

Just to make myself clear, I don't think that giving solids at 4 months is "ridiculous" as I know this used to be common but isn't meant to be the right thing to do now.

What I meant by "ridiculous" was mum's suggestion that DS was bored with his milk and that's why he isn't drinking as much as he did a few weeks ago.

Its interesting to read that the advice of waiting 6 months isn't followed in all countries. I guess if DS does start regular waking again, I'll think about it, but not for the time being. I've tried to give him a few drops of milk in a cup but he seems to poke his tongue out at that, so I think he's not ready anyway.

waiting until 6 mths is fine if you bf as it changes as your babies needs do. So if you don't make it until six mths don't get upset. I have 2 dd one bf and one ff I waited as long as I could with the ff one and then went really slowly with the weaning. And I waited 6mth with the bf one. Each time I followed the advice at the time. I think you have to listen to advice and do you own thing you know you child and what is best for them.

Op- What harm would it do to allow your mum to give your ds a little bit of banana now and again as a treat? I think YABalittleU, you dont have to start full blown weaning, just let her give the banana when your at her place, it would probebly only be a small mouthful anyway!
As for weaning at 4 months being the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard, well I weaned my ds at 12 weeks, 10 years ago, and if I have another, I will probebly do the same, if I think he/she needs it, despite all the tosh that the HV/baby books say!

IveStillGotIt Are you OP's Mum?

my mum fed ds melon at christmas at 6 weeks old!

there was a family "intervention" when dd was 4 months old where they came to my house (half hour away from them) and shouted at me for starving my baby because i wouldnt wean her, i was told i was a bad mother for only breastfeeding

my new baby will be 4 months old at xmas and he is getting a "do not feed the baby" tshirt from asanta

I don't know how old your mum is, but she is probably around my age. When DC1 was a baby ( 20 odd yeas ago), standard advice was to wean at around 4 months. in fact, both DC1 and DC2 were weaned much earlier, on the advice of my HV who said that doubling birth weight was a good indication that weaning was imminent. both mine were big babies and their stomachs physically could not cope with the quantity of milk they needed, so they were weaned onto baby rice etc which allowed me to cut the milk slightly. They are both now adults, with absolutely no bad effects from being weaned early.

I think you and your mum both need to accept that guidelines and official advice have changed since she last gave birth, but also to realise that every child is an individual and that what is right for one may not be right for another.

FWIW I used to get told off by Doctors, HV and my mum because neither of my two would sleep on their tummies (as per official advice when they were born) and I used to put them on their back or on their side to sleep. Now, as far as I am aware, the recommendation is to put them on their backs. Maybe you could remind her of this to show that advice does change over the years.

A friend of mine is an infant feeding specialist and she says there is no evidence that weaning should begin at six months or that weaning before six months causes any problems. She says the WHO guidelines are to keep women breastfeeding - so if you're ffing, there's actually no real reason to take a moral high ground about nutrition.

I have no opinion on this btw, just throwing it out there..

Sorry that should read 'no solid evidence'

TheSteelFairy2- Ha Ha!!! No, im not lol!
Although I can see where her mum is comming from, if her ds is off his milk, then he maybe is ready for a small amount of 'real' food.
I weaned at 12 weeks because my ds was ff, and he was going through more bottles in a day from about 10 weeks, and was starting to wake up during the night, despite sleeping through from about 2 weeks!
I was weaned at 12 weeks, as were my two younger sisters, and my gran used to put rice in my mums bottles from 4 weeks!!!
I think nowadays, mothers seem to think they have to ridgedly follow HV/baby books, and can't think for themselfs, I never took any notice of what HV's said, I just used my instinct and listened to my mum and other older mums in my family, and my ds is pefectly healthy, never had any illness (apart from the usual childhood things that 'do the rounds') and like I said before, if I have another dc, i will do the same again.

worriedaboutaskinnybaby - the specialist is right that the evidence for ff babies is quite thin about 6 mths. The research that informed the policy of exclusive bf to 6 mths was done on bf babies, and it's been applied to ff and mixed fed babies. Not sure where the 'moral' thing comes into the argument

Point is, though, that the OP's baby is showing no signs of needing other food. The OP's mother is saying daft things ('bored with milk') and insisting on things being done 'her way' which is not right. Babies are not playthings for grandparents to experiment on - there are many lovely ways grandparents can relate to their grandchildren without undermining the parents' views on food and trying to subvert them.

Zebedee, I think your mum might just have a point about the boredom. It's a little anecdotal straw poll I've been doing, but I have noticed that it's more often FF babies who are weaned earlier and seem unhappy with their milk than breast fed, and I wondered whether maybe the changing tastes in human milk according to what the mother has eaten mean that the baby is satisfying its desire for different tastes and doesn't get bored. Just a thought. Having said that, it's still completely your call.