to want my friend to stop commenting on what I feed my child?

[CheerfulYank]

This isn't a huge deal, but I'm bored. So...

A good friend of mine and I are both concerned about giving our DCs "healthy" foods. In my case, that means I don't usually buy anything if I can't pronounce the ingredients and in her case it means that she buys only low-fat, low-sugar food that IMO is highly processed and gross, but whatever, it's none of my business eh?

The other day she brought her DC over to play and I had cookies for snacktime. (Not something we usually have, but it was a visit so...) I'd bought them from the bakery down the street and my friend mentioned something snidely about "Oh DCs will think it's great, I only ever give them the 100 calorie packs at home." To my mind, the cookies from the bakery are healthier b/c 1. obviously I'm not counting my 2 year old's calories and 2. I know what's in them as I saw the worker baking them-butter,flour, sugar, eggs, choc. chips, vanilla, done.

She makes little "joking" asides like this fairly often-how I give DS butter instead of a "healthier" spread, or how I let him (very rarely) drink regular soda instead of diet. I'm not a fan of spreads and diet soda b/c I don't know what's in them.

When she's said things like this I explain why I think the things I feed DS are the healthy way to go, and also made it clear that I don't give a feck what she feeds her own children (or TBH, mine when he's at her house) and I only want the same courtesy.

I'm feeling grouchy today so it could just be that, but for some reason the cookie comment bothered me a little.

So, AIBU?

Give yourself a holiday from her. Avoid her until you miss her again.

Sounds good, cold. I do love her, she's a great friend in other respects

YANBU, but then in her head, neither is she, she's just like you, giving her DC the best food, which in her head is better than the food you are giving.

It all sounds so exhausting to me, food is food, and I'd avoid her her for a while and let her come back to you, slowly and perhaps less full on.

Prehaps try telling her very young children need calories as they are still growing, not a low fat diet.

I so agree with majefa, our dd is rake thin and underweight. I really do hunt out the high fat options for her to eat.

She sounds bonkers. Does she not realise that children should not be given diet ANYTHING! What they should be given is appropriate portion sizes of a range of foods including protein, carbs, fruit veg, dairy etc. Basically exacatly the same as an adult. The key is PORTION SIZE. Apart from anything else kids need calories to grow. What they don't need is all the additives and sweetners in procesed food.

Next time she makes a comment throw that little lot back at her and finish with "but we all make our own choices about how we feed our children don't we"

When someone offers my daughter chocolate biscuits or whatever (and checks with me that that's fine with me), I tend to say something like 'that's fine, she'll be delighted, she doesn't get chocolate much' and I don't mean it to be snide at all, I'm literally meaning 'oh, it'll be a treat for her, how nice'. Well, and I'm also meaning for her to hear that it's a treat so she understand that chocolate biscuits happen in certain circumstances and not every day.

I don't mean it to dig at the offeror, though. I promise.

Low-fat and low-sugar are the foods of the devil. She's a nut.

YANBU.

She's obviously pretty ignorant if she thinks children should be fed low fat, high sugar/artificial sweetener laden food, rather than simple real food. Next time she mentions something about giving him butter instead of 'healthy spread' I would just say 'well it is better to feed children butter than low fat spread' and wait for her to ask why - likewise if she says something about low calorie snacks. It doesn't sound like she was saying her DC doesn't get biscuits, but that she only gives them diet biscuits!

Not to mention the fucking aspartame she's feeding her poor child - it's pretty awful actually if you think about it.

She is very confused as to what a healthy diet is for a child. as others have said they should not be having diet anything, and mentioning infront of them re the calorie content of what they are allowed to eat may lead to problems for her children later on.

Have you asked her how many calories a day her children have? And how many they are meant to ahve? Wouldn't suprise me if she didn't know how mnay they are meant to have.

Agree with OrmR. Feeding chn low-fat and low-sugar food is madness IMO and I would never do it. ( I am sure I have read studies on 'low-fat' stuff actually being WORSE than the 'regular').

YANBU

YANBU. I avoid processed food with additives, etc for my children but am quite happy to give them a bit of cake or biccies if they are homemade or made out of 'normal' ingredients.

YANBU. It sounds like you know a lot more about healthy eating than she does and I consider your approach entirely sensible.

It seems to me you need to educate her about aspartame, and how harmful artificial sweeteners are, to both adult and child.
And tell her that every time she gives her child a low calorie option, whether it is youghurt or diet soda, she is giving the child aspartame.
Aspartame

Due to bad press, aspartame has recently undergone a name change, so that people who try to avoid it may be fooled into buying it anyway

YANBU, but your friend does seem to have good intentions for her DC.

She just seems a bit confused between what a healthy duet for an adult is and is imposing that onto her DC lives.

But, it's not a competition, but when I reas your OP that's the way it came across slightly.

Do you mean low fat spread? It is constituted with loads of chemicals, some of them contain hydrogenated vegetable oil which is very bad for you.

Butter has a very simple ingredient - milk. Yes it's high fat but it is easily processed by your body. I would rather my kids ate a small amount of fatty but satisfying butter.

I would rather my kids are avpacket of plain potato crisps than those bogging snack a jack things. Diet food isn't healthy food. It's about portion control and a healthy balance.

thesecondcoming
in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter whether you have butter or spread. Butter is obviously made from milk and little else, whereas spread is made from hydrogenated vegetable fats, processed and with flavourings added. If your DCs prefer spread it's not going to do them any harm, but this woman is mistaken in thinking that it is healthier to give spread than butter for the reason that spread is lower calorie than butter. It is better obviously for DCs to have simpler, more natural food, and they do not need food to be low calorie.

agree with colditz! I like that idea,will do that with everyone that annoys me!

she is BU, but there is no point in having it out is there?

YABU, you both sound like you are in some sort of petty competition over who can feed their DCs the 'best' food.

Get over it and tell your friend to as well.

I don't think I'm a health nut, but I am dead against any sort of soda for children. I wouldn't "compete" on regular, sugar-laden versus diet, aspartame-laden, soda... Both junk.

Agree Bonsoir, but a small glass of coke every few weeks as a treat is better than diet stuff all the time whether it's soda or squash. People like my parents seem to think that if it's "sugar-free" then it must be OK to give to children all day every day

Personally, I think children should be given biscuits etc as part of an overall healthy, balanced diet. Making foods 'bad' or forbidden leads to problems with attitudes to food and diet later in life imo. Practically every woman I know is unhappy with their weight or has issues about food.I wouldn't give my dc fizzy drinks or crisps regularly, but if we're eating out I would prefer that they had normal fizzy drinks rather than diet. Aspartame is a disgusting thing to put in food. I would gently point out to your friend that low fat foods are not recommended for small children. Her child should be having full fat milk and yoghurt etc. I think we are nagged by the state so much about 'healthy eating' that people are being made to feel bad for giving dc things that they really should have, like full fat milk. Balance is everything

I agree with you and she sounds tiresome. I think it's high time you started expressing shock and surprise at the she willingly feeds her children aspartame and transfats. Mm-mm, tuck in.