to want my friend to stop commenting on what I feed my child?

[CheerfulYank]

This isn't a huge deal, but I'm bored. So...

A good friend of mine and I are both concerned about giving our DCs "healthy" foods. In my case, that means I don't usually buy anything if I can't pronounce the ingredients and in her case it means that she buys only low-fat, low-sugar food that IMO is highly processed and gross, but whatever, it's none of my business eh?

The other day she brought her DC over to play and I had cookies for snacktime. (Not something we usually have, but it was a visit so...) I'd bought them from the bakery down the street and my friend mentioned something snidely about "Oh DCs will think it's great, I only ever give them the 100 calorie packs at home." To my mind, the cookies from the bakery are healthier b/c 1. obviously I'm not counting my 2 year old's calories and 2. I know what's in them as I saw the worker baking them-butter,flour, sugar, eggs, choc. chips, vanilla, done.

She makes little "joking" asides like this fairly often-how I give DS butter instead of a "healthier" spread, or how I let him (very rarely) drink regular soda instead of diet. I'm not a fan of spreads and diet soda b/c I don't know what's in them.

When she's said things like this I explain why I think the things I feed DS are the healthy way to go, and also made it clear that I don't give a feck what she feeds her own children (or TBH, mine when he's at her house) and I only want the same courtesy.

I'm feeling grouchy today so it could just be that, but for some reason the cookie comment bothered me a little.

So, AIBU?

Bonsoir - the coke isn't a regular thing for the OP's child, but an occasional treat - and IF you are going to give a child the occasional glass of coke, then it's better to give them the one that doesn't have aspartame in it, isn't it?

OP - I think your approach sounds very sensible and healthy - nutritionally and in the wider sense of promoting a sensible attitude towards food. I would be very tempted to point out to this woman how damaging a low fat diet full of processed foods and additives actually is - I admire your self-control.

fwiw, I'm definately with you on the full fat, eimple ingredients as aopposed to procesed within an inch of its life...

Keep away from her for a bit and you might miss her and be able to put that behind you. If you can't keep away, make sure you state clearly that you don't like the comments - you are both doing what you think is right, it's really not that big a deal and if she does think it is, then you need to avoid eating together, or bring her own food to your house and vice versa.

Sorry I think your friend is a fool, Low Fat food and calorie controlled diet for a toddler - how ridiculous - they are meant to have calories to grow!!! Bonkers. A homemade cookie versus a low fat version possibly filled with chemicals? I would pick your house over hers!

YANBU. And your friend is an idiot re food choices for her child and is feeding her kid total crap.

I think giving kids artifically sweetened drinks is totally dreadful and IMO worse than even the sugary fizzy drinks.

Not to mention the health benefits of eating non-processed, natural food... I think that children are learning about different tastes and textures.

Children who constantly eat a low fat low calorie diet are surely more at risk from obesity in later life as they will have all these new tastes to explore. Whereas a child brought up on natural foods will have already experienced the flavours and will (hopefully) continue to eat sensibly with treats on occasions.

(No facts just my theory )

There is so much ignorance about food and nutrition! Small children do not need "low fat, low sugar" unless they are obese.
"Normal" size children need fat in their diet, it all comes down to WHAT TYPE OF FAT you give them. Hydrogenated fat= not good. Butter and, even better, extra virgin olive oil= good. Even a bit of sugar doesn't do any harm, in fact it helps the brain.

I get so when I hear people's stupid comments (like your friend's), who are potentially harming their DC because of their ignorance.

At my DS2's nursery, for example, they use no oil or butter or salt at all, which I think it's a silly rule and will produce some tasteless, joyless meals.

My dh's diabetic health nurse told us that if you leave a saucer of butter and a saucer of 'spread' in a garage[for example]then bugs etc will eat the butter but leave the spread which is full of synthetics.she said most spreads are basically 'plastic and fat'.She did concede that some of the olive oil spreads are less awful but still contain some harmful/non-nutricious chemicals.Better a little butter or nothing than lowfat spreads.I often use extra light Philly on toast etc as fat is reduced with water and air.

nutritious[?]

Read The Diet Delusion by Gary Taubes.

Low fat is the work of the devil, sugar is the worst thing in our diet.

I agree with Alouiseg - I don't think much about how much butter or olive oil I use in cooking, because you need fat as a vector for flavour and in order to procure satiety. But I barely use any sugar at all.

I agree with saslou. My DS has everything in moderation because I think if you make foods forbidden they will go so far the other way when they are older its untrue. We never had fizzy drinks,chips,sweets in our house when I was younger-not because my parents didn't want me to have them but because they simply couldn't afford to buy them and now my diet is appalling.

The only thing I won't let DS have is anything with aspartame in it because it sends him absolutely loopy. He is 5 now and can usually tell which drinks have got it in and simply won't drink them if he's offererd it at a party but give him a bag of chocolate he'll demolish it in 1 go lol! If we go out for a meal he'll usually have fruit juice,water or lemonade...I always remember my friends look of horror when I offered her son a teeny tiny bit of lemonade cause DS was having some. She was so shocked that I'd let him have fizzy stuff which incidentally was made out of water,sugar and lemons (nothing nasty at all) while her DS's were downing fruit shoots one after the other. But at the end of the day its her decision what they can/cannot eat and its no ones business other than your own what you feed your own child.

As my mother tells me, back in her day they didn;t have diet this and low-fat that. They haad real butter, gold-top milk, sugary jelly and sweets and hardly anyone was fat. This is because they ate smaller portions and exercised more. I'd rather give my DS half a teaspoon of butter on his toast than two of low-fat chemical attack spread, and I do. Tell your friend what I just told you. She is filling her kids full of shite.

TLC, I didn't mean to come across as competitive, I'm not at all. (Except while playing Trivial Pursuit; believe you me I play that game for blood! )

I don't think my friend counts her DC's calories, she's not that much of a nut! She just thinks that the low-fat, low-cal ones must be "healthier" and so that's what she gives them. She is a really good mother and friend and I know she has their best interests at heart. It's just that last night I was feeling a little grouchy given her cookie comment.

Thanks for sticking up for me Davidsgirl! You're right, DS has only had fizzy pop maybe...twice? in his life. Once was at the movie theater and once was at a family gathering. Maybe three times...anyway, I just meant that in those very rare instances I'd rather he had regular pop as opposed to diet b/c I don't think aspartame is a good thing to put in his body.

Sorry if I came off as a smug witch, I totally didn't intend to!

I would just get a set response and stick to it like a broken record and change the subject. Make it short and snappy as in 'I just do moderation in all things' and don't get drawn further. In the end she will get the message that it isn't a subject that you are prepared to discuss.

I try to make sure that my dcs aged 4 and 1 eat only home cooked food including treats as much as possible. However, I don't want them to run amok in Maccy D's or Dunkin Donuts when they have their own money so I try to loosen up. However it makes me feel virtuous , parents chose their own way. My dns know that they will not get crisps and "rubbish" at my house, fairy buns, muffins, fruit and yoghurt are usually on offer unless it is just before mealtime.