Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in getting my coil removed and not telling DH?

31 replies

SneakyDave · 10/05/2010 13:13

DH has agreed to start trying for number two 'whenever SneakyDave feels ready'. So theoretically this means now (although we have discussed trying for another we haven't actually said we are activly trying). DS is 8 and a half months.

Now, I think it'd be quite nice for there to be a surprise pregnancy and not tell him we're flying without wings, so to speak. But then again there is something nagging at me saying that although he's agreed in thoery, theory and realitly sometimes don't hold hands well.

He does love surprises, and I do definitely know he wants another.

But, should I tell him we're trying??

Ps - Just off to put DS down for a nap so will be back in a bit.

OP posts:
etchasketch · 10/05/2010 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

etchasketch · 10/05/2010 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrmRenewed · 10/05/2010 13:17

DOn't be daft. Tell him first.

GypsyMoth · 10/05/2010 13:18

yes,tell him....why should he miss out.

SwissCheeseIsHolyCheesus · 10/05/2010 13:19

Yanbu in thinking it would be a nice surprise.

Yabvu if you think surprises don't sometimes bite the giver on the arse

AMumInScotland · 10/05/2010 13:21

Tell him. He may have agreed to start trying when you feel ready, but that doesn't mean you can start trying without telling him that's what you're doing. It hopefully means that when you say "Hey I'm going to book the coil removal" he'll be happy about it, but that's way different from you saying "Hey I'm pregnant" when he had no idea it was even on the cards.

Poledra · 10/05/2010 13:23

Tell him - there is sooooo much potential for things to go tits-up the other way.

EnchantedWithGordon · 10/05/2010 13:23

I didn't read your user name and thought you were saying 'snakey-Dave' in relation to your husbands penis

tinkletinklelittlestar · 10/05/2010 13:24

You should tell him. How would you like it if he went and had a vasectomy without telling you (and then, surpise you don't get pregnant)?. Its not the coil removal, its the lying about it!

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 10/05/2010 13:24

Tell him. It's still a nice surprise when you say you're pregnant.

BallpointPen · 10/05/2010 13:25

YABU and sneaky in a not nice but horribly secretive and potentially damaging way.

Tell him, it will his baby too.

Poledra · 10/05/2010 13:25

EWG - yuck. Just yuck.

Original poster
SneakyDave · 10/05/2010 13:26

Oh bother, I thought that might be the reaction. Would mean I wouldn't have to get him a birthday present this year though...

I'll tell him I'm thinking of having it out tonight and gauge his reaction.

Thanks! (Even though I did a little bit want you to tell me to go for it!

OP posts:
tryingtoleave · 10/05/2010 13:26

I don't think it is an appropriate surprise. I think you should be sure he is totally committed to a dc2. I thought dh understood we were ttc no.2 but he was surprised at how quickly it happened and was quite overwhelmed by the situation. The second child brings a huge amount of extra work (are you sure you want an 18 month gap? - it will be very hard work for a long time) especially for fathers who might have been able to hide a bit the first time round.

cupcakesandbunting · 10/05/2010 14:15

If you didn't tell him, wouldn't he say something like "how did that happen? I thought you had a coil fitted?" Then you'd either have to fib again and say it failed or come clean in which case you are either spinning a web of lies or telling the truth so you might as well have told him in the first place.

bumpsoon · 10/05/2010 14:17

Get your coil removed ,tell him and leave contraception up to him ,bet you will be on a ante - natal board very soon

Gracie123 · 10/05/2010 14:18

My DH would think that was a great surprise. I would not.

I guess it depends how you feel about child planning...

CheekyRedWineGirl · 10/05/2010 14:18

I would tell him. Even though he has said you can start trying, he knows you have yet to have a coil out, and doing it behind his back is abit devious imo.

Good Luck though

Dahling · 10/05/2010 14:19

I thought sneakydave was his name for is coc k as wel

Moominfamily · 10/05/2010 14:28

Tell him. I have 2 DC's 18 months apart (not easy btw ) and we had given up trying with DC1 as we had tried on and off for 3 years, so he was a surprise. We didn't use contraception after DC1 as we thought we were unlikely to fall pg after having so much trouble the first time, and when I stopped bf DC1 I got pg that month.
What I wouldn't give to tell DH I'm pg when he is expecting it, instead of a surprise, it was so nerve racking as I didn't know if he would be pleased or not- but we have agreed to stop at 2 so it's never going to happen!

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 10/05/2010 14:30

Tell him.

I was slightly confused what it was to do with David Cameron until I went back and red your user name.

MrsVidic · 10/05/2010 14:31

YABVU- if it was the other way round and he was pricking condoms so you would have another dc before you were ready how would you feel? I would think twice before betraying him and decieving him this way- personally I would find this very hard to forgive

skidoodly · 10/05/2010 14:32

I too thought sneaky dave was his cock

still giggling at the idea of a household where the husband's penis gets a say in decisions.

When shall we eat?

I'll have to check with sneaky dave

also wondering what dave does that is so sneaky

thumbwitch · 10/05/2010 14:33

You should tell him. It's a family issue (as it were) and he should fully involved in the decision - you shouldn't make such decisions by yourself, however "nice" the surprise would be. IMO.

foureleven · 10/05/2010 14:35

i too thought sneakydave was his cock.

This has to be a wind up.. would anyone actual start trying for a baby without telling the other baby maker?