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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want to be friends with these people...

53 replies

fartytowels · 10/05/2010 12:16

I'm married in my 30's with DS. When 20 I met a guy from home, fell in love and we moved to London. When we were 28 we split, not acrimoniously, I bought a flat and moved. We'd had a lot of stress in life but still liked each other etc etc.

One weekend we went to the same rugby match, we had bought tickets months before. I had a spare and invited my female boss who was 40 & a bit lonely, used to date ex-con, lost touch with all her friends through this relationship. They got on, & I didn't realise but she went back to our old flat and slept with him. I was ok about it, just jokingly said spare me the details.

This she couldn't do, and announced very loudly in work constantly every intimate detail of their blossoming sex life. I left the company and distanced myself - I didn't want to hear it all the time. Also fed up of going for work drink, him turning up and them snogging the faces off each other. I'm nearly 40 now,like she was then and don't think it's appropriate behaviour for after work drinks.

I thought I could put in the past but every few years they get in touch. First time she kept telling him that I had saved for a deposit whilst living with him and therefore half that money for my flat should be his. (I paid him through Uni and 4 foreign hols and left with the debt but that was forgotten about).

The following year i got phone message on Xmas night "if you died tomorrow it wouldn't be a moment too soon". It was her (brummy accent) i called and told them to shove it, he then met me and apologised his excuse - she is devastated that i dumped her after she was such a good friend to me.

8 years later they keep contacting my family or me through facebook.Why can't they leave me alone. I am happy they're married, have dogs etc why can't they just get on with their lives and stop reminding me of the past i would rather forget?

OP posts:
pagwatch · 10/05/2010 12:19

havew you told them -just like that.. I wish you well, I hope you have long and happy lives together but I have moved on and I think you should too. It seves no purpose for you to keep happy. be happy. Goodbye...

have you been direct and dipassionate?

HappySlapper · 10/05/2010 12:20

I'm a little confused.

Why do you still have them on Facebook? Why don't you just remove them? And why do they have your contact telephone numbers? Do you want to be in touch with them or not?

pagwatch · 10/05/2010 12:20

err
..to keep contacting me. Be Happy

Don't know what happened there

pagwatch · 10/05/2010 12:21

oooh. Good point Happy

fartytowels · 10/05/2010 12:24

yes I told him face to face all those years ago....now 8 years later they are still doing it...

My DH thinks they still feel guilty about their relationship happening so quickly after splitting with me, and that if I can be friends it will mean I accept it happening. However I told them early on I had no feelings about their relationship as long as they didn't throw it in my face. Which they then did at every opportunity.

TBH I wouldn't like it if any of my couple friends now, came for dinner and started rubbing up and down each other and snogging on my sofa.

Maybe i'm just a cold passionateless reptile [hmmm]

OP posts:
RedRedWine1980 · 10/05/2010 12:25

Ermm does anyone else need a brandy after reading that?

Casserole · 10/05/2010 12:25

Just send them a message along the lines of Paggy's suggestion, then block them on facebook. This problem could have been over in the time it took you to write the OP!

Lucy85 · 10/05/2010 12:25

Decline them on facebook and change your numbers - they'll get the message!

fartytowels · 10/05/2010 12:26

No, they have just contacted me on Facebook, not through my profile (which is v private), but through a group on Wales I was a member of, so I have blocked them. He was one of my cousins friends since school, so they forward their details onto my three cousins or my aunty and uncle, and put them in an awkward postion asking them to pass details on etc..

They have also both contacted me on Friends Reunited. I forgot I was even on there.

OP posts:
RedRedWine1980 · 10/05/2010 12:27

The following year i got phone message on Xmas night "if you died tomorrow it wouldn't be a moment too soon". It was her (brummy accent) i called and told them to shove it, he then met me and apologised his excuse - she is devastated that i dumped her after she was such a good friend to me.

And has anyone else noticed that the person leaving the abusive message has changed gender half way through?

fartytowels · 10/05/2010 12:28

But why are they making me feel guilty for not getting in touch. Am I being an awful person here?

They guilt trip my family by telling them they just want to be happy and relive old times etc...

And yes it's long but I'm having a purge and a vent....as is my right!

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 10/05/2010 12:29

I would ignore them. If she phones tell her you are not interested (just as you would the buy from BT who is trying to sell you something). Be polite but distanced.

saslou · 10/05/2010 12:31

I think the op meant that the girl left the message, but the boy was the one who apologised (on girls behalf) - or have I read that incorrectly?

fartytowels · 10/05/2010 12:32

No Redredwine1980 HE met me and and apologised on behalf of ex-boss, she was too ashamed to meet, and tbh I didn't really want to see her. I had told them I was contacting the police and he wanted to smooth it all over I think.

He told me that she was still angry I had ended the friendship, got drunk and made the phonecall to my flat on Xmas eve. When I called she admitted it to him and that's why he wanted to meet me.

I told them then I was happy for them but to leave me alone.

I assumed after all this time I could allow myself a facebook account without this happening?

OP posts:
traceybath · 10/05/2010 12:33

Red - I read it that the ex-female friend left the message and her partner then apologised for her.

Just ignore them - if you don't enter into a dialogue they'll have to give up.

Curiousmama · 10/05/2010 12:33

Who'd want to be friends with someone who wishes you dead?

fartytowels · 10/05/2010 12:33

Yes Saslou you are correct, the girl, however was a 42 yo woman.

OP posts:
RedRedWine1980 · 10/05/2010 12:34

Oh okay, in that case block them on facebook- drama over. They cant see you anywhere and you cant see them then.

fartytowels · 10/05/2010 12:37

Nope not just facebook, family too.

Have never told my family about the whole nuisance phonecalls thing, not really their business and didn't want to make them uncomfortable.

Have told them not to contact my family re me, but it's all come out of the blue again 8 years later, I don't know why.

OP posts:
RedRedWine1980 · 10/05/2010 12:39

Guilt probably. Or maybe because they are swingers?

fartytowels · 10/05/2010 12:40

god lol, a little bit of sick just came into my mouth then redredwine....

OP posts:
RedRedWine1980 · 10/05/2010 12:40

PMSL

fartytowels · 10/05/2010 12:42

...and i think I'm just a bit of a freak magnate lmao.

OP posts:
fartytowels · 10/05/2010 12:43

magnet even

OP posts:
JaneS · 10/05/2010 12:44

You sound a bit odd tba. You introduced them, but you have some kind of problem with how she expresses her excitement about a new relationship? So what if it's not your style to go on about the details, it's not really your business. To leave the company over it is plain strange, and she and he probably felt quite upset about that. Her behaviour has clearly escalated out of order too, but you sound more than a little jealous.

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