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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I HAVE to send dd to nursery now?

53 replies

TheSteelFairy2 · 10/05/2010 11:29

She is 3.9, I suppose she will have to start in September.

We go to the park most days and nearly every person I speak to asks if she is in nursery, other mothers, the HV asks if she is nursery, my ds's school ask when she will be coming to nursery, the doctor asked is she in nursery yet?, getting a bit worried that I am being seen as neglectful because I have not started her yet.

She is a sensitive little soul and we love being at home together, we do lots of stuff and go to the odd play group.

Do you think it is odd that she is not in nursery yet?

OP posts:
Missus84 · 10/05/2010 11:31

You don't have to, no.

Original poster
TheSteelFairy2 · 10/05/2010 11:33

No I mean is it out of the ordinary for her not to be in nursery at this age?

OP posts:
notyummy · 10/05/2010 11:34

You don't HAVE to send her. What does she think? Are there some nurseries near you? My daughetr is 3.10 (so v close in age to yours!) and will be starting school in September, so I am nervous in a slightly different way. I guess my only thoughts on your daughter starting nursery is that the group situation will be a good intro before school. I have a few friends who teach reception and year one, and they all feel that they very small number of children who didn't attend nursery almost always struggle with the social demands of school, even if they are sometimes further ahead with speech/language etc. The rituals and routines are new to them and they are often completely out of their depth for some time.

Missus84 · 10/05/2010 11:35

I suppose most children do go to some kind of nursery or playgroup sessions before they start school, but not all.

gingernutlover · 10/05/2010 11:36

most nearly 4 year olds do go to preschool i think yes so in that way maybe a bit unusual.

do you intend to send her to nursery/preschool before she starts reception? I find my new receptions are more ready for school if they have been to preschool/nursery beforehand

getthewineinthefridge · 10/05/2010 11:36

If she is 3.9 now, won't she be at SCHOOL in September??? she will have had her fourth birthday so will class as Reception??

Apols if I have miscalculated.

Nursery is a nice gentle introduction to school, just a small step towards being the group she will (possibly?) be going on to big school with and help her adjust to separation before the pressure of the first day at school??

notyummy · 10/05/2010 11:37

Yes, it is out of the ordinary for her not to be in nursery.

Different, but not necessarily wrong.

Do you leave her at the playgroup, or is she with you at all times?

I am not saying that they need to be 'independent' at 3 - again, just thinking ahead to school. If you have never been apart from your mother, then starting school must seem terrifying!

Original poster
TheSteelFairy2 · 10/05/2010 11:38

Well she is 4 in September so I thought she would be starting full time school the following September, so does that mean she goes into Reception in September or nursery?

OP posts:
firsttimemum77 · 10/05/2010 11:38

Agree with notyummy.

brennannbooth · 10/05/2010 11:38

It's a bit more unusual for SAHM but there are lots of kids with full or part-time working parents who spend their time away from their parents with grandparents or childminders or in daycare nurseries who don't take up state nursery places because the wrap-around care hours and travel arrangements are too difficult to work out.

So when your DD starts school she will not be in an unusual position.

If she isn't that mad keen on playgroups and you are happy being with her all day then I don't see why you shouldn't do that. Surely it's the opposite of neglect!

veritythebrave · 10/05/2010 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brennannbooth · 10/05/2010 11:40

If her 4th birthday is in September 2010 she will start Reception in September 2011 and she will be one of the oldest in her year (assuming you are in England).

Thediaryofanobody · 10/05/2010 11:40

No you don't my DD is 4 and never been to nursery she she's perfectly happy at home with me and her baby brother just pottering around, going to the playground and play groups.

Original poster
TheSteelFairy2 · 10/05/2010 11:41

That is what I thought brennannbooth so was thinking of starting her at nursery in September. Yes we are in UK.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheSteelFairy2 · 10/05/2010 11:43

Thediaryofannobody thats us! We do gardening and go to the park and scoot to the shops and baking and generally just mess around at home together, really happy.

Obviously I do not want to throw her in at the deep end of reception so the fact that she would start at Reception in 2011 sounds fab to me. Then she will have a year in nursery.

OP posts:
TheArmadillo · 10/05/2010 11:44

If she is not 4 till september she will start school sept 2011.

Kids don't have to go to nursery/preschool.

I pulled ds out after his first year (as he wasn't ready for it) and kept him at home for the year before he started school. It's not that unusual. While the majority of children go to nursery/preschool they don't actually have to.

Ds settled into school really well. The extra year at home did him a lot of good. As long as they are socialising with other children (and that can be at the park, softplay or with family/friends rather than specific groups) then it's all good.

waitingforbedtime · 10/05/2010 11:44

It is unusual but its your choice. Have you applied for a nursery place though? They are like gold dust here!

mooseymooose · 10/05/2010 11:46

No I don't think it's odd! You do what's right for you and your daughter and don't worry what people say. By law, she doesn't have to start education until she is five.

Original poster
TheSteelFairy2 · 10/05/2010 11:47

Luckily places very easy to get here, we are in London, nursery actually has places available at ds's school, said they could start her that DAY if I wanted to when I enquired.

So she will be fine then if she goes nursery in September ready to start Reception in 2011? I am very confused by this September, older child thing.

OP posts:
Thediaryofanobody · 10/05/2010 11:48

About copping with settling into school, many nursery children find it difficult settling into school so I don't buy into the whole idea of needing to go to nursery in order to adjust well in a school setting.

policywonk · 10/05/2010 11:50

I read recently that something like 97% of children take up the pre-school free nursery hours provision, so yes, not attending is definitely unusual.

Not necessarily bad though. Neither of my DSs went to nursery (or indeed any childcare) pre-school. Both settled in very quickly, are sociable and have made good academic progress. Just do whatever suits you and your DD - don't stress about what others are doing.

alibubbles · 10/05/2010 11:53

Not at all odd, I have childminder colleagues who have not sent any of their children, one child started school last September and has settled in beautifully and is doing very well, very ahead of her nursery experienced peers. Her brother is also very ahead of his peers, age 7.

People should keep their children at home if they are able to, it seems as once you start, you get sucked into more sessions, more days. One of my minded mums insisted she only wanted 2 mornings, and it was made very obvious to her that it was a nuisance, but that was all she wanted her to do.

Good for you!

Francagoestohollywood · 10/05/2010 11:54

She doesn't have to go to school, nor do I believe that it'd be harder to settle at school without nursery.
However, my dc (and the majority of children I know) have been incredibly happy at nursery, therefore it is an experience I'd deffo recommend.

Francagoestohollywood · 10/05/2010 11:55

go to nursery

thirdname · 10/05/2010 11:59

ha, I look forward to the days dd is in playgroup (2 moprnigs) so I have the house fopr myself (even it is just to do the claening etc)

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