Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Do I HAVE to send dd to nursery now?

53 replies

TheSteelFairy2 · 10/05/2010 11:29

She is 3.9, I suppose she will have to start in September.

We go to the park most days and nearly every person I speak to asks if she is in nursery, other mothers, the HV asks if she is nursery, my ds's school ask when she will be coming to nursery, the doctor asked is she in nursery yet?, getting a bit worried that I am being seen as neglectful because I have not started her yet.

She is a sensitive little soul and we love being at home together, we do lots of stuff and go to the odd play group.

Do you think it is odd that she is not in nursery yet?

OP posts:

ButterPie · 10/05/2010 12:01

I have just pulled my daughter out of nursery. I just didn't see the point in making her stay in a room full of other kids, doing the stuff we do at home before we set off to do the things she was missing out on when she was at nursery.

Last week, every day was a morning of doing quiet activities so as to not tire her out, then trying to get her to nap and eat lunch in time, so I would have time to take her, crying, to nursery, so she could spend three hours in one room and I could go home and twiddle my thumbs while the baby napped, then she would come home grumpy with a sore tummy from eating the unlimited fruit they gave her and I would have a battle to get her ready for bed. For five days.

I'm looking at this weeks calendar now. We have swimming, messy playgroup, library, woodland nature hunt, day trip on the train, dancing lesson and another day trip in a big group of under 7s. We will surround those things with plenty of cooking, gardening, visiting friends and family, playing in the garden, puzzle books, board games and so on. I really don't think she is missing out in any way.

She used to go to nursery, when I worked and needed childcare, but I don't see why, if she has you at home, she needs to be left in a class of kids.

You are aware that school isn't compulsary either? If you don't think she is ready, HE until she is. I don't see why people are openminded about sahms/wohms when the kids are tiny, but the minute they turn five, their parents can't be trusted to know what is best for them.

lljkk · 10/05/2010 12:01

DS (November birthday) attended preschool in a very hit and miss way (we kept moving house). He was fine when he started school -- ran in without looking back!!!

I do think it'd be valuable for her to at least 2 sessions/week from September, OP, they need to warm up to the idea of leaving you all day. Increase the hours when it suits you both.

Again · 10/05/2010 12:18

I am a working mum and as I work part-time I decided that ds would go to playschool in the mornings while I work, but to be honest I think that staying at home with mum is without doubt the most natural thing in the world. It would be my preference for my ds. In scandinavia many children stay at home until at 7 and they are well-adjusted and educated. I think that we need to question why we are institutionising our children at such a young age.

fuschiapink · 10/05/2010 12:31

If she starts nursery this september then she will have a year in nursery before starting reception the following september, plenty of time for her to get used to things, sounds fine to me.

Maybe people have been asking as they do not realise she will be the oldest in her year. Technically she is eligible for the free 12 hours now (i think its changing to 15 hours) but you do not have to send her.

Like i say she will have a year at nursery if she starts in sept and most children will only do a year before starting reception anyway, but as your dd is a sept birthday she could have started nursery at 3 and had two years at nursery if that makes sense? but obviously thats totally optional.

anyway i'm rambling

Francagoestohollywood · 10/05/2010 12:32

I was under the impression that children went to pre-school in scandinavia, just like they do in Europe.

sunshiney · 10/05/2010 12:34

Butterpie-sounds like you and your child are very happy together and do lots of beneficial stuff for her.

But your post seems to suggest being at nursery is a bit of a waste of time. I don't agree, as I think it benefits a child nearing school age to spend some time in a more school like environment learning to function and socialise in an environment without their parent.

OP I don't think you're going to get anyone posting that their child struggled in reception and that they should have prepared them better by enrolling them at preschool!

Also if you are not sure when they begin school, ring your council and ask them. From what you've said it sounds to me like it would be reception this year.

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 10/05/2010 12:35

Only send her if you want too and she will benefit.

I am sure people are just asking as a way of making conversation.

multimummy · 10/05/2010 12:41

I like what butterpie said. I also think school is a bit odd. 30 kids of the same age in a classroom with a leader teaching them all at once. Schools are a modern invention and anthropologically speaking a bit wierd in concept. In my opinion. Some children thrive in this environment. Others do not.

ButterPie · 10/05/2010 12:46

Sunshiney- but it only benefits them to get used to being at school if they are going to school...they don't HAVE to go to school at all, never mind start so young. Some kids and families suit early school, some suit a more flexible approach. Sounds like the OP is doing just fine herself.

porcamiseria · 10/05/2010 12:48

I think that if you dont send her, school will be a massive shocker. how will she cope with 5 days a week if she has never been away from you?

titchy · 10/05/2010 12:48

When is she 4? If she is 4 on or before teh 31 August this year she will have to start reception this September.

Is her 4th birthday is on 1st September or later then she'll start school nextSeptember, so maybe a couple of mornings a week at nursery for teh term or two before she starts school would be a good idea to gether used to mixing in a groups situation.

sallyJayGorce · 10/05/2010 12:54

My two didn't go to nursery - the time at home is so precious. They started school with no problems at all, especially DD1 who couldn't wait to go. Ds was a bit sad for a couple of days but a lot less than many other children there. We did have time with other children but mostly I think having happy secure loving home has given them a big dose of self-worth and confidence. DD2 is 2 and although several people ask when she's going to nursery I have no plans to send her. That said, she'd probably love it. She goes into reception with her big brother, sits down to play and doesn't want to go. But she is very happy with our busy days at home and off doing stuff too.

You do what you want to do. Ther is never a right answer, just what's right for you and your family. Good luck and it sounds as if you are doing fine already.

sallyJayGorce · 10/05/2010 12:56

Agree with Butter pie in fact. And her name has made me ready for lunch.

seeker · 10/05/2010 12:59

The first year of formal school is called "Reception" rather than Year 1 because it's intended to get them ready for proper school. You don't have to send your child anywhere if you and she don't want to. But you could try a couple of sessions - maybe to get you used to doing without her! I found that very difficult when my non-nursery dd went to school!

Ineedsomesleep · 10/05/2010 13:00

It is out of the ordinary yes, but not wrong in any way.

DD is 2.10 and has just started going because she asked too, and I was spending most of my time with her playing "classroom" as she calls it. She is used to going to DS school and goes into his classroom most mornings.

She is loving it, but if she wasn't we would just stop her.

I think that sending her for a term before school would be a good idea, just to build up her stamina a bit. You don't have to send her fulltime, maybe just a couple of mornings.

Is the nursery attached to the school? If so she should be going with the children she will meet in Reception.

imoscarsmum · 10/05/2010 13:05

Reading the posts, it seems there are pros and cons. Personally, I would want DD to be prepared for school and able to socialise with other children and be away from me, however that may not be what YOU or your DD wants.
I think some other countries don't start kids at school until 6 or 7. If you are in London could you consider the Montessori (sp?) schools, based on learning through play until 7.

I agree that there is nothing forcing you to send her to school until you think she's ready - you could keep her at home until she's much older and HE, as has been said.

To answer your query about September birthdays, in England and Wales you start pre-school and then reception in the September after your 3rd/4th birthday (depending on which you are going into). In Wales I believe that if your birthday is between 29-31 August, you can choose your starting year.
DD has a Sept birthday and she will go to nursery 2 weeks before she turns 4 (ie the September after her 3rd birthday) but I'm pleased as it means she will be the oldest in her class, so hopefully able to cope with more.
I'm not sure I'd be happy with her starting nursery a few weeks after turning 3 or reception a few weeks after starting 4 if she had an August birthday.

I think I read somewhere that over 60% of premiership footballers have a Sept to Jan birthday - summat to do with them being the tallest/picked for football teams early etc.

As I've heard many times on MN, trust your instincts - they're probably right.

MrsFreedy · 10/05/2010 13:08

You do what is best for your DD.

Although do you know of anyone else whose DD is starting at the same time, it maybe an idea to contact the school and find out if there is another child living near you who is starting the same time and prehaps get together a few times before she starts. Your DD may find it hard walking into a room where she does not know anyone and the others have been to the same nursery.

bruffin · 10/05/2010 13:14

"You do what is best for your DD. "
and don't make the mistake in thinking whats best for you is whats best for your DD.

Just be clear in your thinking that whether it is you or her that is not ready for nursery/school.

dixiechick1975 · 10/05/2010 13:19

Nursery and reception are all under the umbrella of EYFS (early years foundation stage)

Virtually all children her age will be in 15 hours nursery from September.

Nursery children imo hit the ground running as reception is very much a continuation of what they are already doing, more so if at a school nursery.

It will be a big shock for you both to go from nothing to 30 hours a week school.

Some schools have settling in periods but alot just expect full time from September, especially with an older child.

Playgroups with you there are not the same.

You don't have to use all your 15 hours but the minimum I know someone doing is 2 sessions.

Also factor in that your dd's opportunity to meet children her age will be limited. The other 4 year olds will be at school/ nursery and not at the playgroups etc.

Original poster

TheSteelFairy2 · 10/05/2010 13:21

She will be four the first week of September so AFTER 31st August, so this will mean that she will have a year of nursery until September 2011 and then will go to Reception, is that right? I think her September birthday is great for HER iyswim. In that she would benefit from being older as I don't feel she is as ready as perhaps another 3 year old would be.

I think that from September she probably should go to nursery, yes I love having her at home with me but I also want to do what is best for her.

OP posts:

fuschiapink · 10/05/2010 13:25

OP do you know which primary school you are planning on sending your dd to? some primary schools have their own nursery and then she would meet other children who she will be in reception with, and when she starts reception she will know some of the children already. Of course, I'm sure she would settle into recpetion just fine anyway but it would be a bonus.

I do think its a difficult time though, sending them to nursery/reception for the first time, they seem (and are) so young.

fuschiapink · 10/05/2010 13:26

yes thats right she will start receptiopn sept 2011

Original poster

TheSteelFairy2 · 10/05/2010 13:30

Yes, she would go to nursery at her brother's school and then into reception from there.

I am like this at the thought of it but really want to do what is best for her.

OP posts:

fuschiapink · 10/05/2010 13:33

I know how you feel! Speak to the school because you could just start with a few sessions see how it goes remember it is not compulsory, but she might surprise you and love it!

Original poster

TheSteelFairy2 · 10/05/2010 13:36

Yes, going to start her in September, you can choose, mornings or afternoons or even full time but think will go with the mornings, she tends to be in a better mood then .

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3