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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell xp's mum not to cut my ds hair?

39 replies

VinegarTits · 09/05/2010 19:19

She send me a message last night:

'i have cut dgs hair, just give it a little trim as it was in his eyes, he said the scissors were hurting his hair, gosh i marvel at how you persuade him to ever get his hair cut'

i saw red so i sent the following

' i know you mean well, but i have already arranged for the hairdresser to come and cut it on Monday evening, so i wish you would have asked me first'

xp dropped ds off today and said she has been in tears and i have over reacted

WIBU?

Fully prepared to be told i am, and have already apologised for upsetting her

OP posts:
traceybath · 09/05/2010 19:21

I am very precious over dc's hair.

DS1 had lovely long hair for ages and I seriously would have been very upset if anyone else had cut it.

So yanbu.

And I think your message was fine.

Pattertwig · 09/05/2010 19:21

did she only do his fringe? that wouldn't bother me (as long as it was level!)

but the whole head would...

grapesandmoregrapes · 09/05/2010 19:22

she is completely out of line for cutting his hair without asking you first! YANBU

PeedOffWithNits · 09/05/2010 19:22

she should not have doen it and your message was perfectly calm and reasonable

scurryfunge · 09/05/2010 19:24

Sounds a little unreasonable....it's only hair and it sounds like she did it for the right reasons.Not worth getting into a battle over

DuelingFanjo · 09/05/2010 19:24

She should have asked first and all you did was ask her to ask first.

YANBU.

iwasyoungonce · 09/05/2010 19:24

Well actually I do think you overreacted. Wouldn't have bothered me a jot, in fact I think it was kind of her to do it. Just to keep his fringe out of his eyes. I'd have appreciated it. I mean, so what if you have the hairdressers booked? I mean, really, so what?

But I am not precious about these things (probably am about other things). So we're all different!

JaneS · 09/05/2010 19:28

Her message is pretty passive-aggressive, isn't it? As if you'd be charmed at that little dig about it not being easy to persuade him to have his hair cut.

Original poster
VinegarTits · 09/05/2010 19:33

well i didnt think my message was unreasonable either

but xp said she was shocked and in tears

OP posts:
Original poster
VinegarTits · 09/05/2010 19:35

and i have had to cancel the hair dresser, she has taken quite a lot off it

OP posts:
bellavita · 09/05/2010 19:35

She was BU not you..

and your message was polite.

jellybeans · 09/05/2010 19:36

YANBU how cheeky!

Original poster
VinegarTits · 09/05/2010 19:38

and i have apologised as the last thing i wanted was to upset her, but i think she is the one who has over reacted, i only asked that she ask me first

OP posts:
IMoveTheStars · 09/05/2010 19:40

Luckily my MIL wouldn't ever do something like, it's my Mum I have to worry about - if she dared cut any of DS's hair I'd be seriously pissed off. I think you were quite polite with your text!!

In tears - is she usually a manipulative type?

MadamDeathstare · 09/05/2010 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scurryfunge · 09/05/2010 19:42

She cut his hair,
You made a comment,
She got upset about the comment,
You apologised,

.....you can keep this going but I think you should draw a line under it...it's really not worth the aggro

Original poster
VinegarTits · 09/05/2010 19:45

She is a nice lady, i get on well with her (usually) i just asked that she ask me first, and now i feel like a horrible person, who isn't allowed a say in whether my ds gets a hair cut or not

OP posts:
Ivykaty44 · 09/05/2010 19:45

Next time can you text me to see if I have arranged somthing first then we will not have this upset.

That would be my text, email or note to granny

RunawayWife · 09/05/2010 19:45

Your Text was not rude, she is a loon

MadamDeathstare · 09/05/2010 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gracie123 · 09/05/2010 19:49

Maybe she had asked XP?

It might be that he said it was fine, and she is upset because she is embarrassed that you were not okay with it. She probably thought one parents permission was enough.

p.s. I would be livid though - you showed great restraint

narna · 09/05/2010 19:50

I would have been furious,whether it was my mum or my DH's and i love them both dearly and let most things go.Im very precious about their hair though.
YANBU and i also think your message was fine.

PeedOffWithNits · 09/05/2010 19:52

am quite surprised so many think this OK - what next? at a play date and friends mum trims DCs hair for you? or
at school cos its getting in their eyes when they are playing/working.

the bottom line is this - IT WAS NOT HER DECISION TO MAKE

now, if your DP has equal parenting rights and he asked her to do it, thats different, but its HIM you should be mad at in that situation, not her

Original poster
VinegarTits · 09/05/2010 19:52

its not the first time she has cut it without asking, i have always bit my tongue

but her message made me feel incompetent

my ds never has a problem with getting his hair cut, and when she said he told her the scissors were hurting him, i took it as him trying to tell her he didnt want her to cut it, and i felt sorry for him, he is 3 btw

OP posts:
Original poster
VinegarTits · 09/05/2010 19:56

i dont know if xp had told her to do it, if he did he never said he did, he just told me she was upset and i over reacted, maybe i did, it was just the way she worded the message

OP posts:
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