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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not like parents justifying undesirable behaviour with

69 replies

kolacubes · 09/05/2010 18:31

but that's normal for the age of child, or gender of child.

It does not then make it acceptable.

Yes some children may do that, but the vast majority do not. Because the parents don't allow it as it is undesirable.

Or unfortunately please accept their is a problem with your child, and the behaviour has been pointed out, to enable you to get assistance, to minimise the behaviour.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 09/05/2010 18:50

a boy aged 3 running around screaming sounds normal enough to me....sorry,but i think YOU are wrong for thinking its abnormal!!!

tuarags · 09/05/2010 18:50

By ThreeBlondeBoys Sun 09-May-10 18:44:49
bullying???? lol...

I know. Sorry, I just can't help myself.

toccatanfudge · 09/05/2010 18:54

where was the 3yr old running around screaming??

mumbar · 09/05/2010 18:55

There are hundreds of different little boys and girls and hundreds of different parents.

I find others - especially mums of girls - can seem to deem his running around as bad behaviour but I just smile and say nothing as he is very well behaved and stops something if I ask.

OP just consider if a parent is making an excuse for their child's behaviour maybe they don't know how to or can't control it and are embarrassed/ reaching out/ needing you to say its ok. Perhaps some useful advice would be more beneficial in some cases.

GypsyMoth · 09/05/2010 18:55

little snippets,no context.....means it can all be drip fed in throughout the thread to justify op's way of thinking

Jamieandhismagictorch · 09/05/2010 18:58

kola I think your OP was worded a bit unfortunately, but you've explained more what you meant.

I think that some people whose children have problem behaviour go into a sort of denial about it. They are embarrassed and sort of don't want t to be happening so deny it is a problem, eg biting

Jamieandhismagictorch · 09/05/2010 18:58

I agree mumbar

Original poster

kolacubes · 09/05/2010 19:00

In a restaurant, and I mean running between all the tables, and screaming. Not crying not asking for anything. I was with a group of mums (4 of us) and 6 children, just this one doing it. My dd was trying to get the boy's attention with the crayons on the table, and the mum said very pleasantly 'oh leave him 3 year old boys need to run'.

I bit my tongue and said nowt. I agree 3 year old boys like to run, as do 4 5 6 7 8 etc boys and girls, but allowing them to do so in a confined inappropriate space with no attempt at stopping I just didn't agree with but maybe I'm in the minority and good job I didn't say anything.

OP posts:

Jamieandhismagictorch · 09/05/2010 19:00

In future, put all this in your OP ....

Original poster

kolacubes · 09/05/2010 19:02

Three blonde boys - i'm not meaning to drip feed, I didn't want to post a huge op, and i'm answering questions/comments as they are made.

OP posts:

Jamieandhismagictorch · 09/05/2010 19:02

You are very brave then

Original poster

kolacubes · 09/05/2010 19:02

I've learnt that one Jamie

OP posts:

Original poster

kolacubes · 09/05/2010 19:03

Or maybe foolish undecided

OP posts:

Jamieandhismagictorch · 09/05/2010 19:04

I never post anything more controversial than "Are kittens Cute ?" in AIBU

smallishsheep · 09/05/2010 19:05

Stealth...

Original poster

kolacubes · 09/05/2010 19:07

What's stealth mean?

OP posts:

Magaly · 09/05/2010 19:08

Yeah wwell I say this a lot. My son is on the spectrum and I find that saying 'he's tired' or 'he's out of his routine' or whatever makes OTHER people feel less awkward than if I just remind them that he's autistic. That kind of kills the conversation stone dead sometimes.

My two are much closer in age and excite each other some times, not a problem you'd have with such a wide age gap.

grapesandmoregrapes · 09/05/2010 19:10

oooh toerags back!

you do sound a bit like my grandmother, but since you've elaborated i kind of see where your coming from.

SilveryMoon · 09/05/2010 19:12

My ds1 can be a very difficult child. he is 2.9yrs and alot of his behaviour is down to development.
I do not make excuses for him and when he acts in a way that I deem to be naughty, i.e. hitting, snatching, pushing etc etc then he gets told off and put in a time-out or whatever punishment I deem to be suitable at tthe time.
My 2 year old is experimenting with his personality.
He is learning what kind of behaviours result in what kind of attention.
He is learning how to get what he wants.
He is learning consequences to his actions.
He does not always understand the strong emotions he feels, like anger, frustration, sadness and does not yet know how to express these feelings in a suitable manner.
As his mother, it is my job to teach him and guide him in these areas.
I do not want to change the person that he is, but show him the appropriate ways to behave and hiow to regulate his emotions.
Tbh, IMVHO, small children and toddlers have to lash out in order to learn some valuable lessons.
I get wound up when I see a parent letting their children behave negatively without consequence, but it is not my place to judge, and OP it is not yours.
Each of us will deal with our children differently and in the way we all feel is best for them, but to say blaming development for misbehaviour is wrong, I think you are being very UR.

Original poster

kolacubes · 09/05/2010 19:14

Ok I'm not completely surprised by that comment re grandma grapes as I am told I have an old fashioned (not necessarily right and know that) view on life. Which is why I did wonder whether it was me being unreasonable and accept it prob is to a certain considerable degree.

Magaly that's a really interesting point, and maybe actually the parents are being more considerate than i am, as i may be don't think how it makes them feel awkward, and you do.

OP posts:

mumbar · 09/05/2010 19:16

I agree with Jamie.. maybe thread should have said..

AIBU to think that allowing a 3 year old to run around a restaurant and justifying it with boys need to run is not teaching a child to behave correctly??

MollieO · 09/05/2010 19:17

Stealth means drip feeding through the replies. If you had posted originally about a 3 yr old running around a restaurant unfettered then I doubt anyone would think you were being unreasonable to query it. But you didn't. Hence stealth. Makes for a tedious thread imo.

Original poster

kolacubes · 09/05/2010 19:19

Agree mumbar, although from my pov I had heard it being said many times over the years, and thought to myself, it's not just your child's age/gender. But after the lunch time debacle, and this being the line used, I thought I would ask the question.

Next time, I will keep the question to myself. But I have found the comments on here very interesting, and have put me rightly back in my place.

OP posts:

SwissCheeseIsHolyCheesus · 09/05/2010 19:19

Ooooooooohhhhhhhh, small children running around restaurants is one of my bugbears, its so bloody unsafe.

I used to take my two out if they started doing that, bet the parents of little Tarquin will be wanting to sue when he ends up with a cup of hot coffee on his head ??!!

Original poster

kolacubes · 09/05/2010 19:20

Thanks MollieO I hope my previous comment explains that wasn't my intention, and do accept my error on this. Have learnt more mumsnet etiquette today.

OP posts:

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