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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tackle granmother regarding her dog which snapped at my 3 yo DD????

34 replies

thinker · 09/05/2010 11:55

Recently my daughter was jumping about on the sofa playing next to my mum and her jack russel, and she kind of jumped on the dog accidentally and the dog snarled and snapped at her, but did not connect thank goodness. I have seen this as a warning snap and I dont blame the dog at all. Last night I was discussing this with mum and said that we ought to do something to prevent it happening again. She became extremely defensive and said was I asking her to get rid of the dog. I said no, but we could take measures such as a muzzle, or putting her in a seperate room when the children are there. She said that it wasnt her dogs fault, but my DD fault, and I agreed but pointed out that she was correct, but that will not prevent it from happening again, and that is our job as a responsible parent and a responsible dog owner. She said that she was responsible and she was very sorry that it had happened , I said that that wopuld not prevent it happening again and that is all I am trying to ensure.

She just rang and said to my husband that she is taking her to the blue cross tomorrow to be rehomed and that she needs to me to help her do it. We are off there now for lunch, I am dreading it, know it will end in tears, i think she is over reacting and it isnt necessary. What do you girls think? Would really appreciate your input xx

OP posts:

WorzselMummage · 09/05/2010 11:58

Can't she just put the dog in the garden when your there ?

Original poster

thinker · 09/05/2010 12:01

That is what i suggested

OP posts:

OTTMummA · 09/05/2010 12:01

why can't she just put a stair gate up and put the dog in another room while the children are there?

theres no need for her to rehome it, am confused why shes gone of the deep end and is going to rehome the dog.

buy her a stair gate and tell her rehoming isn't needed.

but something needs to be done, yes it wasn't the dogs fault, but then if she had a massive open log fire burning away in her living room im sure she would think to put a gaurd on it, same danger with a dog IMO, you have to take steps if they present a danger.

Shaz10 · 09/05/2010 12:02

Sounds like she's trying it on. Call her bluff?

RJRabbit · 09/05/2010 12:02

How on earth did you get to your age with that dreadful woman as your mother? Good Lord, how very dare she allow dogs around children!

Look, I'm not a dog fan myself, but was brought up around them, as were millions of others. Dogs snap when you stand or jump on them. Your daughter has learnt this, hopefully you made a big issue of it to her at the time and she won't do it again. What happened is not a warning that the dog is now going to seek revenge on your three year old.

My mum lives alone with her dog. She would be devastated if she had to get rid of him.

OTTMummA · 09/05/2010 12:04

do you think she is trying to guilt you by saying she will be rehoming and needs your help etc.
i just don't understand the sudden jump to rehoming?

BoneyBackJefferson · 09/05/2010 12:06

agree with some of the above

but

couldn't you teach your daughter how to act around animals?

AvrilHeytch · 09/05/2010 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Greensleeves · 09/05/2010 12:10

how old is the dd? 3??? She CAN be taught about behaviour around animals, and she will probably manage it most of the time, but 3yos are unpredictable and scatty. That's their prerogative as young children, and our job as adults is to protect them. You really can't blame a 3yo for making a dog jump and getting herself bittn

A muzzle or a separate room would have been a sensible solution. Your mother is having a temper tantrum. Ignore.

OhExpletive · 09/05/2010 12:11

Stairgate!

Ask her to keep the dog, because it's important that your daughter learns how to behave around dogs for her own safety and this is an ideal opportunity. Plus, the dog hasn't done anything wrong, as you recognise. Any dog might have done the same in that situation. In fact, that your mum's dog only snapped is a credit to the dog and shows self-control.

At 3 years old she's more than old enough to understand that she frightened the dog, and that a frightened dog might snap.

This is a good resource for kids who spend time with dogs.

Thediaryofanobody · 09/05/2010 12:16

Your mother is either tying to emotionally black mail you and force you into saying no it's OK and just leaving it or she actually can't cope with the dog and she's using this as an excuse. I'd call her bluff.

Vallhala · 09/05/2010 12:23

What RJRabbit and OhExpletive said.

There is no reason to suggest that this will happen again, unless your daughter continues to be allowed to jump around the sofa next to him and jump on him again.

Btw, and FYI, OhEpletive is a vet and I'm a dog rescuer who has handled hundreds of dogs of all types.

Cretaceous · 09/05/2010 12:33

Maybe you could call her bluff, and say you are taking your DD to social services first thing tomorrow for adoption, and you may be just a little late at the Blue Cross...

tittybangbang · 09/05/2010 12:36

Agree with Vallhala and OhExpletive.

My mum has always had dysfunctional rescue dogs - terriers. Very bad-tempered animals that she makes worse by treating them like babies.

I have trained my children to leave the dogs alone. Completely. My dd got her nose bitten when she shoved her face into one of the dog's faces once. She didn't do it again....... (dd that is).

Tell your mum she mustn't rehome the dog and you'll find a way of managing the situation between you.

AvrilHeytch · 09/05/2010 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Gracie123 · 09/05/2010 17:31

I was attacked very badly by a dog as a 3yo, and I know my mum would have done anything she could to turn the clock back and take some precautions to make sure it didn't happen again.

As it happens we later got a german shepherd, so my family aren't against having dogs, but taking precautions with young children is sensible as a parent and the only fair thing to do for the dog. My parents dog doesn't want my DS poking it and treading on it and snatching it's ball...

If your mum can't see that there need to be some ground rules for toddlers and dogs interacting, maybe you need to suggest that you don't visit her, but she comes to your house instead? Seems OTT to get rid of the dog, but she maybe is just trying to pull a guilt trip.

I would tell her that I don't want her to lose her valued pet, but that you won't be visiting with your toddler until she is old enough to interact responsibly with the dog.

clacketyclack · 09/05/2010 17:52

Oh dear, I have this issue with my DM's and her DP's dogs (more his than hers). Still haven't 100% decided what to do about it (DD only 15 mths), but would not suggest that they have to get rid of them. Unfortunately the only solution I have been given (by DM's partner) is that we cannot go and stay with them any more, and we have to meet at my GPs without the dogs. Very sad for my mum as has resulted in her seeing her GD much less

It's a hard one as I was brought up with gentle dogs and in general am a big dog lover, but these dogs are rescue dogs (also terriers) and one in particular seems to have been abused previously and reacts badly in stressful situations (this includes lots of new people/strangers). I have seen the dog bite other members of my family, and pre DD I was uncomfortable around it, but could cope when it was just me. There is NO way I am taking a chance with DD as being constantly vigilant around young children is stressful in itself.

A muzzle or stairgate would be a good compromise if the dog is generally good natured. But my worry is that if the dog is excluded or it's environment changed only when your DD is around, this could breed resentment with the dog as they would associate the change with her. Could be wrong (and please an expert put me right if I am!) but this is my fear about taking my DD into their environment and excluding them/shutting them out of the room. IMO increases liklihood of something terrible happening if they are accidentally let in. Perhaps I am being overly paranoid?

Original poster

thinker · 09/05/2010 18:10

Just returned from lunch at mums and the dog is going. We tried to talk her out of it but she is adamant. She said that I told her to be responsible and she is being. I said that I did not want her to have any bad feelings towards me regarding this and she said that they werent good at the moment but she will get over it. She said there will soon be 3 kids in there and she cant risk anything happening. I just made her realise. I spose sometimes the right thing to do is not the easiest. The sad thing is that during lunch she kept the dog in her bedroom and everything was hunky dory, why cant she just do that every time.

OP posts:

PerArduaAdNauseum · 09/05/2010 18:13

You let your 3yo jump on the sofa with or without a dog on it and then told your mother to be 'responsible'?

rainbowinthesky · 09/05/2010 18:16

Unbelievable. THe dog got jumped on and acted perfectly normally and gets rehomed.

Missus84 · 09/05/2010 18:18

It's sensible to shut the dog in another room while there are small children around. Bizarre that your mother has over-reacted in this way. I think she actually quite irresponsible to just get rid of her pet rather than separate it from the children.

MollieO · 09/05/2010 18:19

Agree with PerArdua. Your dd jumped on the dog. I think you are lucky that the dog didn't bite. Your dd your responsibility. I feel very sorry for your mother and her dog tbh and I speak as someone whose mum has a dog and I have a 5 yr old so am well used to children being around dogs.

MollieO · 09/05/2010 18:21

Should add to stop it happening again you should either ensure you are between your dd and the dog, or the dog is in another room, or you put reins on your dd to ensure she doesn't get near the dog. Ime 3 yr olds are perfectly capable of behaving appropriately around dogs if the parents have taught them how.

OhExpletive · 09/05/2010 18:26

Avril, NO dog should be expected to tolerate small children infringing their space. Any dog could snap. Your attitude (that a dog should be expected not to react to an unpredictable and threatening child) is unhelpful and potentially dangerous.

Original poster

thinker · 09/05/2010 18:31

I KNOW that it was my daughters fault, and i KNOW that it isnt the dogs fault. I just wanted to stop it from happening again. Of course we have tried to teach my daughter to respect her space and keep away which she has done but kids are unpredictable and I cant guaruntee it wont happen again. I do think it is my mums responsibility to ensure that her dog does not bite her grandchildren. She was sat on the sofa with the dog and the grandaughter when it happened I was tidying up (it was in a caravan) I haven`t asked her to rehome the dog, I have just tried to discuss it with her in order that we can manage the situation and prevent a hideous injury. I came up with several solutions and she decided to to do this. I DO think dog owners should be responsible. I owned a dog that was dangerous and I was so careful with muzzles and leads so I know it is possible to manage them and I was responsible for her.

OP posts:

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