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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate it when people wag fingers at frightened pregnant women and say

41 replies

poshsinglemum · 08/05/2010 22:06

''Well you should have used contraception'' if their child was unplanned.
Aaaaaagggggr- state the flipping obvious but accidents happen, people get carried away and men leave pregnant women. It's happened to me ; pregnant women need support not judgement if they don't know what to do.
It is especially disgusting in cases whereby she does want the baby but he dosn't and may be putting pressure on her to abort. As if she knew he would be like that if she did get pregnant.I always thought my ex wanted kids but clearly not with me.
People are so odd about pregnant women as though they are public property. They also assume that a certain type of women is legitimately allowed to breed ie; a middle class woman, preferably in her late twenties and with a supportive, wealthy poartner. Drives me nuts.
I believe that we have to be careful about contraception but fgs- pregnancy isn't always a bad thing you know.

OP posts:
nickschick · 08/05/2010 22:07

What bugs me is when they say 'whens the next one?' ffs im a mum not a train ......one came doesnt mean another will follow.

perhaps im a grumpy cow?

cornsilk · 08/05/2010 22:08

agreed
people can be very judgy about women in their teens/early twenties becoming pregnant.

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 08/05/2010 22:08

I read a thread yesterday when someone was lecturing a frightened pregnant women on how she shouldn't have got pregnant as her partner didn't want it. ugggrrr.

OP posts:
cocolepew · 08/05/2010 22:08

I never known anyone that has happened too. Where do you live, a nunnery?

MrsSchadenfreude · 08/05/2010 22:08

Tell them to fuck off. Sorry, I mean fuck orf.
I would.

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 08/05/2010 22:10

no but clearly some other people do!

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 08/05/2010 22:11

I presume this is a dig due to my earlier comment on a thread...

I absolutely stand by what I said however.. choosing to not use contraception when in a relationship with someone who has categorically said they do not want children is naive

I make no assumptions about who is allowed to 'breed'.... i know contraception fails, i know that relationships break down.. i also know that not using contraception at all is different issue , asyou say yourself ' I beleive we have to be careful about contraception' - not using any is not being careful..

pregnancy is not always a bad thing, of course it isnt, but it's not always a good thing

how many 'oh no , i' m pregnant' threads have been on here?

LittleMrsHappy · 08/05/2010 22:11

well it take two to party, and two too parent, if one feels they are not ready to parent and th other does, it does not mean hat the persons feeling on the pregnancy should be any less that the wanting parent.

Its human emotion, and complicated, especially when the accident is not in the parents plans in their immediate future.

cornsilk · 08/05/2010 22:13

didn't see your thread lulu - sorry don't want to contribute to a thread that's attacking another poster.

Lulumaam · 08/05/2010 22:14

if it is re the thread i was on then i am cross.

borderslass · 08/05/2010 22:15

my youngest was 'a surprise' but much loved, never had many comments that I can remember the only ones being along the lines of your not pregnant again. ds was only 5 months old when I got caught also had a 3 and a half year old and was quite young.

honeydragon · 08/05/2010 22:16

with my depo provera ds happily asleep upstairs i say don't want to get pregnant don't have sex,
uanbu people have no business asking if a pregnancy was planned in the first place

MrsSchadenfreude · 08/05/2010 22:18

Lulu - not seen other thread, but if a man definitely doesn't want a child, then surely he should take responsibility and ALWAYS wear a condom (and get rid of the sperm afterwards)?

slushy06 · 08/05/2010 22:18

I agree my nan said when I announced I was pg with dc2 'or you are not are you' in front of everyone To which I replied 'yes and we are very happy about this planned pg'

Yet the other day was saying to me how much she is hoping my uncle and aunt have a baby soon and I said why so you can say 'or you are not like you did to me'
And shew said 'it's different they are married'

To be honest it really hurt my feelings both times .

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 08/05/2010 22:19

Why state the obvious though to someone who is clearly distressed about her situation. She knows she should have been more carfeful but it's too late. What she needs now is guidance about what to do NOW. Not when she was about to get laid.
I am cross too. I have seen it several times on here so not sure if it's you but I just think it's like flogging a dead horse.

OP posts:
cornsilk · 08/05/2010 22:19

op if this is a thread about a thread then it is out of order and against MN protocol. Say what you have to say on the original thread.

Lulumaam · 08/05/2010 22:23

you clearly feel strongly about this and you picked me up on this on another thread

i feel that MN is full of lurkers, it can be viewed by anyone.. stating the obvious might also just get through to someone else too.

the man was just as much at fault for not insisting on contraception, however, it is the woman who gets pregnant and has to carry the baby or not.. therefore , it is incumbent on her to protect her self to a greater degree

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 08/05/2010 22:24

I already did say on that thread. Why is it out of order. It's free speach and important - I just feel that such women should get support-naive or not naive. Lulu- I told you off on your thread too you know. Hide me if you want. Shame as I feel it's important that these women get constructive help.

OP posts:
Original poster
poshsinglemum · 08/05/2010 22:25

She wanted the baby. He didn't. She WANTS to carry the baby and he isn't supporting her. He should have used a rubber. Anyway it protects him against stds and her too.

OP posts:
cornsilk · 08/05/2010 22:26

poshsinglemum - it is against MN etiquette to start a thread about a thread. Wish I hadn't posted on this now.

Lulumaam · 08/05/2010 22:27

yes i know you told me off

waht confuses me is that you say you beleive we need to be careful with contraception, but the OP on the othere thread did not use any. and then was panicing

so if you think that it is ok to say you beleive we need to be careful with contraception, why is it so differnt to making a judgement when people don't?

Original poster
poshsinglemum · 08/05/2010 22:27

It happened to me and it wasn't nice then I had a few comments about birth control. Uggggrrrrrr. Lulu- It wasn't personal as of course people need to be more careful but she was really upset.

OP posts:
mrsbean78 · 08/05/2010 22:33

I wish it was against MN etiquette for people to bang on about threads-about-threads. This is a very generic thread. Who cares if it vaguely relates to another thread? Now a potentially interesting topic is boring 'I said/you said'. Boo.

Maleeka · 08/05/2010 22:36

agree mrsbean78

lostrequiem · 08/05/2010 23:01

I'm going to ignore all the he-said/she-said whatever and actually contribute to the topic in hand, because I can relate to it quite strongly

As a nearly-22-year-old who is quite heavily pregnant, I get this all the time. When I went to talk to a local charity shop about getting in some volunteering before I became too pregnant to even want to get out of bed, the woman I was talking to gave me the most filthy looks
She actually had the nerve to refer to my completely wanted, but unplanned pregnancy as "your little problem"!!

You're right, people seem to think that just because a woman is pregnant they can say what they like. Especially little old ladies! Working in a charity shop was hell for all the snide comments muttered in tones just loud enough to be heard, but not loud enough to be considered public. Just because I look quite young for my age and am not married!