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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

expecting grandparents to buy a car seats for their car.

99 replies

thinker · 07/05/2010 22:51

AIBU to expect both sets of grandparents to buy car seats to put in their car. I have a 3 yo and a 10 month old and am pregnant with third. Everytime they go anywhere I have to change them all over and one of them is dead heavy. They just stand there watching me struggle every bloody time. I told my mum she could buy one for £28 and she said that if I buy it she will have it in her car. And my DH dad is such a cock because he will carry it out of his car and place it in mine but not strap it in. Twice now i have driven with it like that not realising it isnt strapped in. The other day, DH parents picked my DD up from pre school and I forgot to leave the seat for them. They sent a message through my mum that I was "in trouble" for not leaving it there, why don`t they fucking buy one save me having to lug the thing about gggrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!! Am I being unreasonable????????

OP posts:

BendyBob · 08/05/2010 10:52

Yabu but I can see why it winds you up. I had three babies and struggled every time as you do to put them in and out of GP's cars.

I agree they are difficult though. I hated HATED the blimmin things tbh. I really think children's car seats are crying out to be re-designed as they are cumbersome and difficult to manage. I reckon I should go on Dragons Den with a better design

But I didn't expect the gp's to get their own. Three reasons:

1 - They never really understood the whole car seat thing and for everyone's peace of mind it was better if we put them in for them. They stood and watched me struggle too it's true, but they couldn't help. Many gp's find them unfathomable I think and I can understand why tbh.

2 - I was grateful for any help at all and if it meant they were taking dc out for a bit I was weeping with relief and wasn't going to argue about who was providing carseats.

3 - They wouldn't need three car seats in their cars all the time as they only saw dc around once a week.

My parents did get hold of some booster seat cushions when they progressed onto those. But they are dead easy to deal with and quite affordable.

Stinkyfeet · 08/05/2010 10:54

Is there anyway you could just swap cars on the days the grandparents have the children? No need to buy more seats and no swapping seats between cars.

Goblinchild · 08/05/2010 10:54

It wasn't her dad, it was her DH dad. Daughter-in Law issues I feel.

BendyBob · 08/05/2010 10:56

I have experienced much car seat rage in my time. I think my dc may have learned a couple of unfortunate words from thanks to car seats.

When they grew out of them and we no longer needed them I was tempted to burn the damn things in the garden and dance round the fire.

gorionine · 08/05/2010 10:57

YABU, but if they are too heavy for you to change them from a car tio the other I am sure your parents and ILS will prefer the option of doing the switch themselves rather than buying extra set of seets/boosters.

Original poster

thinker · 09/05/2010 16:43

Sea trek i must correct you, they are not picking them up for me at all from pre school, they are spending precious time with their grandaughter. They are lucky because I am the only dil who allows this and they are not alowed any contact with any other grandchildren because of his behavoir in the past. He is lucky to see her at all, i would much rather pick her up myself and not have the hassle of them every week. He is doing me no favours, i am doing him the favour by conacting him and allowing hm access. I do not like him, he had an affair shortly before his wife died and broke her heart. He is my daughters grandad so I do the right thing.

OP posts:

Morloth · 09/05/2010 16:54

We used to swap cars if they were having DS and were going out, was less hassle then re-organising the carseat. No way would I expect them to buy their own ones - am gobsmacked anyone would think like that.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 09/05/2010 16:56

I think you are being a bit unreasonable to expect they buy seats, but yaDefnbu for being annoyed that they watch you struggle whilst pregnant.

Both my parents and grandparents have bought seats for their own cars, so like Shiney am feeling very appreciative of them after reading this thread.

However I do not think you are a tit, or a 'spoilt bitch'

Thought that was harsh and uncalled for actually, especially as the op had been gracious in the face of a resounding YABU before that nasty post.

Original poster

thinker · 09/05/2010 20:41

Hey ! Has someone called me a spoilt bitch on here ? Who I can`t find it !!!!

OP posts:

OrmRenewed · 09/05/2010 20:42

Either buy them for them of be prepared to swap them over. We always did and it was a PITA but tough. Why should they spend money for your convenience ?

LoveBeingAHungParliament · 09/05/2010 20:58

OK so just to confirm you are a tit

I bought my parents car seat when dd moved out of the portable one, i turned up to sunday lunch with it as a suprise and guess what, yes mum had bought one!

They probably let you fit cause they are scared to do it themselves.

pranma · 09/05/2010 21:45

I bought a stage2 baby seat and a booster seat but dd leaves me the seat for dgs1 as he is too big for one and not big enough for the other.

MumNWLondon · 09/05/2010 22:14

I think you are being a little unreasonable - and i'd also be worried about them not being strapped in properly so may not trust them to do it properly.

My MIL had a britax first class that be used from birth to age 4, plus a high backed booster. My MIL can manage to put the high back booster in the car (since it uses the adult seat belt) but can't install the britax car seat, either in its forward or rear facing format. She paid for them but then she isn't short of money.

Why I asked my MIL to pick up DD from somewhere as we were at work, DH had to go there the night before to install the car seat (which we had paid for) into her car. And I was really grateful that she was happy to pick her up.

MollieO · 09/05/2010 22:17

I bought car seats for my mum because I wanted to ensure she got the right ones. I bought two pushchairs, neither of which she managed to work out how to use (despite lots of guidance from me). She went out and bought another pushchair that she preferred - I didn't reimburse her as it was her choice.

imahappycamper · 09/05/2010 22:23

You are so lucky the GPs have the children. I never had any help from my parents or PIL when my first two children were small.
I am now a GP myself and have bought a car seat so I can fit it before collecting my GC, but it was my choice, for my own convenience.

larks35 · 09/05/2010 22:51

You know that yabu by the looks of things. I just want to add that I am envious that you have your ma and fil close by to help you out with your DCs. You probably don't realise how helpful they are and I'm not disputing that they love helping, I'm sure they do, but you're quite lucky.

YellowDaffodil · 10/05/2010 11:14

We were really lucky PIL and Parents all had cars that our first car seat fitted in so I bought extra bases.

2nd seat my mother found the one I'd chosen on offer and bought 3. MIL paid her back and neither would accept any money from me - I would have happily paid though and would have bought the seats if I'd seen the offer first.

I now have a booster seat with a back that PIL and Parents borrow for long journeys and I got them both booster seats for their cars. I also have a spare in case DD has friends round.

I'm grateful that they contributed financially but wouldn't of expected it. I also wouldn't epect them to check the suitability of a seat for their car and go and get it correctly fitted. I did all that and then showed them.

DumpyOldWoman · 10/05/2010 11:17

"The other day, DH parents picked my DD up from pre school and I forgot to leave the seat for them. They sent a message through my mum that I was "in trouble" for not leaving it there, why don`t they fucking buy one save me having to lug the thing about gggrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!! Am I being unreasonable???????? confused"

Possibly one of the most unreasonable things I have ever read on MN, yes!

lal123 · 10/05/2010 11:20

Can't you just ask for help transferring the seats to the other car and then strap them in yourself??? Seems like an awful lot of hassle over something so simple?

I bought car seat for MIL to use - because she was going to use an old clapped out one she had from years ago. Its MY responsibility to ensure that my children are safe when they are with her.

StrictlyTory · 10/05/2010 11:48

My PIL's would rather cut off their arms than buy a car seat for DS. We bought a cot for him to have at theirs and we've bought a car seat for them to use too.

My Mother bought everything DS could ever need to have at her house

mummytowillow · 10/05/2010 11:55

My parents look after my daughter two days a week, I supply a car seat for them, its a free service they offer me, so I would never expect them to pay for a seat!!

Plus its such a pain in the a-- to change the seats over every day, so its much easier to just buy one that stays in their car!

Jux · 10/05/2010 12:11

Mum bought her own car seat for dd, but we were strapped for cash and she was like that.

PILs wouldn't consider a seat as "it would spoil the seat covers", so dd had a cushion and MIL travelled in the back with her. I was thoroughly pissed off about it, but there were other issues, so I was choosing my battles and this was one I was always going to lose.

Original poster

thinker · 10/05/2010 16:16

DumpyOldWoman I have just come in from shopping and read this and I was a bit shocked that it was me who had actually written it. It really does sound ridiculous, if this post was written by another member I would think it was ridiculous too. I suppose that there are a lot of family politics to this that arent taken into account so read cold its awful, Im really embarrassed about it all now. The Am I Being Unreasonable thread is such a useful self reflection thingy.

OP posts:

DumpyOldWoman · 10/05/2010 18:56

At the risk of bumping this thread:

I have no doubt that the surrounding family politics make you NU at all!

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